Keeping guests at 3 and under for birthday party?

iristony

Do you think it is rude to invite a 2 year old but not their 5 year old sibling to a 2 year old party?  From what I hear, parents are used to this as they face same challenge of only being allowed to have a max of 15 kids at a party (like Gymboree etc....), plus it is definitely safer to let a 16 monther run around with kids that are not 5.  What are everyones thoughts on thos.  I still feel rude doing this....

mlf625

Well, is it a destination party like Gymboree where you're facing those limitations?  If so, then no.  If it's at your house, I think it's rude.  DH and I like to be together on our weekend days off, and I'd probably skip a party that required one of us to go solo with our 3 year old.

It's not like 5 year olds are monstrous.  DS's party had kids 1-6 and nobody died. 

snicksnack

We are having a Gymberee party for DD and this is what I did.  I only invited friends and family with children under 5, which is their cutoff, with the exception of our brothers and sisters.  I made sure to let other family members know why their child or sibling was invited and not them.  I addressed all of the invites to the child?s name and family.  For families that had more than one child if their other child was older I called to tell them that older children were welcome to attend but had to stay with the adults and could not participate in the Gymboree activities.  I then made sure that when they opened the invite envelope the first thing they saw was the side of the invite that talks about Gymboree and the rules.  My mother-in-law was not the happiest about her sisters not being invited etc? but she got over it.  I explained it was a kids party.

ANJ410

I'm sure you will get a mixture of responses about this, but as the parent of two children, I would be annoyed. It would be one thing if DS was invited to the birthday party of a kid in his class and siblings were not invited because the birthday kid and their parents don't even know the siblings, but I'm assuming that for a 2 year old's birthday you are mostly inviting the children of your family and friends. If a family member or a friend only invited one of my children to their kid's party and told me to leave the other at home, I would be really ticked, and honestly consider not going at all.  That is extremely rude.

kehgirl

While it may "make sense" to us as adults, a 5 year old will not understand why they weren't invited to the party, but their younger sibling was. I deal with this on a regular basis with a 16 month old and a 5 year old. So, yes, I think its rude to exclude the older siblings and it will hurt their feelings.

ANJ410

ItsAllGravy7:

ANJ410:

I'm sure you will get a mixture of responses about this, but as the parent of two children, I would be annoyed. It would be one thing if DS was invited to the birthday party of a kid in his class and siblings were not invited because the birthday kid and their parents don't even know the siblings, but I'm assuming that for a 2 year old's birthday you are mostly inviting the children of your family and friends. If a family member or a friend only invited one of my children to their kid's party and told me to leave the other at home, I would be really ticked, and honestly consider not going at all.  That is extremely rude.

What if they were giving away lovely diamond earrings in the goodie bags? It's hard to resist that bling, eh?

You're kidding right??  What does your comment have to do with the OP's question??

To answer it though, we don't need goody bag bling....we have plenty of our own already!

BelhurstBride

I could see inviting a 5 year old and not younger siblings if the party is for classmates of the 5 year old, but the other way around seems rude. 

kehgirl

ItsAllGravy7:

kehgirl:

While it may "make sense" to us as adults, a 5 year old will not understand why they weren't invited to the party, but their younger sibling was. I deal with this on a regular basis with a 16 month old and a 5 year old. So, yes, I think its rude to exclude the older siblings and it will hurt their feelings.

You don't think it might be an important lesson to teach your 5 year old that just because their younger sibling gets to do something or gets to have something doesn't mean they have to have it too?? Sounds like a great life lesson if you ask me.

Absolutely. Its a lesson that they do need to learn. However, I don't think that lesson is developmentally appropriate for a 5 year old. Its not like we're talking about "little sis gets to stay up later than me"  or "big sis doesn't have to take a nap!" we are talking about excluding a sibling from something fun.  A 5 year old is not going to understand why, unless they are wise beyond their years.

iristony

It is actually not a financial decision, but Gymboree only allows a max of 15 kids at the party, and I have like 30 kids on the list for 5 and under.  If I made it 3 and under if would be 20 kids and I assume some will not be able to come.  It is really hard to find a place that will allow more than 15 kids.  Plus, I thought it would be nice to make it about the little kids my sons age since it is his party, but I see all of your points.  Thank you.

ANJ410

iristony:

It is actually not a financial decision, but Gymboree only allows a max of 15 kids at the party, and I have like 30 kids on the list for 5 and under.  If I made it 3 and under if would be 20 kids and I assume some will not be able to come.  It is really hard to find a place that will allow more than 15 kids.  Plus, I thought it would be nice to make it about the little kids my sons age since it is his party, but I see all of your points.  Thank you.

Usually at most of the kiddie gyms, the party packages include a set amount of kids and then you have pay extra for each additional child, but they do allow more.  Is there a JW Tumbles by you? The one by me includes 24 children, plus the birthday child, for a total of 25. Not sure if it is the same for all locations though.

kehgirl

ItsAllGravy7:

kehgirl:

ItsAllGravy7:

kehgirl:

While it may "make sense" to us as adults, a 5 year old will not understand why they weren't invited to the party, but their younger sibling was. I deal with this on a regular basis with a 16 month old and a 5 year old. So, yes, I think its rude to exclude the older siblings and it will hurt their feelings.

You don't think it might be an important lesson to teach your 5 year old that just because their younger sibling gets to do something or gets to have something doesn't mean they have to have it too?? Sounds like a great life lesson if you ask me.

Absolutely. Its a lesson that they do need to learn. However, I don't think that lesson is developmentally appropriate for a 5 year old. Its not like we're talking about "little sis gets to stay up later than me"  or "big sis doesn't have to take a nap!" we are talking about excluding a sibling from something fun.  A 5 year old is not going to understand why, unless they are wise beyond their years.

I don't personally have a 5 year old just neices and nephews so I can't really disagree with you but I think a 5 year old who goes to school while their sibling stays home should be able to comprehend that sometimes we do things seperately. Can't you just say "today sissy was invited to a baby party for babies instead of big girls so you and Mommy are going to have a fun day together and have lunch at your favorite spot kind of how you go to school and sissy doesn't because school is for big girls, well this party is only for babies and they are going to do baby things"

Well let me know how that goes in 3 more years.

dangerkitty102

I don't yet have an older and younger child, but I really don't think it would be a big deal for us. We're talking about a 2 hour party. I would take the younger one andmy husband would take the older to do something fun so they don't feel like they are missing out on anything. Maybe something they don't normally get to do because the younger sibling is too little for it.

snicksnack

ANJ410:

iristony:

It is actually not a financial decision, but Gymboree only allows a max of 15 kids at the party, and I have like 30 kids on the list for 5 and under.  If I made it 3 and under if would be 20 kids and I assume some will not be able to come.  It is really hard to find a place that will allow more than 15 kids.  Plus, I thought it would be nice to make it about the little kids my sons age since it is his party, but I see all of your points.  Thank you.

Usually at most of the kiddie gyms, the party packages include a set amount of kids and then you have pay extra for each additional child, but they do allow more.  Is there a JW Tumbles by you? The one by me includes 24 children, plus the birthday child, for a total of 25. Not sure if it is the same for all locations though.

Give them a call and ask about parents with multiple children within the age range. We were not near the Maximum limit, we invited 11 kids including DD, but I asked about the Max and the teacher said it had to do with amount of people on the floor.  So say you invite 15 kinds that could potentially lead to  30 plus people on floor since some moms and dads will want to be with their child and not just one parent. If a parent had more than one child the second child would not have one to two additional people with him or her.   Also, depending on the age range of kids if you have kids of all different ages between birth and 5 it will impact their lesson plan so to speak.   She said as a rule they want no more than 60 people, kids and adults, at the party and will work with you on the child limit. The rule of 20 childern allows two adults per child.  The one item they would not budge on is no children on the floor over 5.  I did ask about my teenage niece being with me and DD and she said that would not be an issue but kids older than 5 that want to play would be.

kehgirl

ItsAllGravy7:

kehgirl:

ItsAllGravy7:

kehgirl:

ItsAllGravy7:

kehgirl:

While it may "make sense" to us as adults, a 5 year old will not understand why they weren't invited to the party, but their younger sibling was. I deal with this on a regular basis with a 16 month old and a 5 year old. So, yes, I think its rude to exclude the older siblings and it will hurt their feelings.

You don't think it might be an important lesson to teach your 5 year old that just because their younger sibling gets to do something or gets to have something doesn't mean they have to have it too?? Sounds like a great life lesson if you ask me.

Absolutely. Its a lesson that they do need to learn. However, I don't think that lesson is developmentally appropriate for a 5 year old. Its not like we're talking about "little sis gets to stay up later than me"  or "big sis doesn't have to take a nap!" we are talking about excluding a sibling from something fun.  A 5 year old is not going to understand why, unless they are wise beyond their years.

I don't personally have a 5 year old just neices and nephews so I can't really disagree with you but I think a 5 year old who goes to school while their sibling stays home should be able to comprehend that sometimes we do things seperately. Can't you just say "today sissy was invited to a baby party for babies instead of big girls so you and Mommy are going to have a fun day together and have lunch at your favorite spot kind of how you go to school and sissy doesn't because school is for big girls, well this party is only for babies and they are going to do baby things"

Well let me know how that goes in 3 more years.

Am I mean Mommy for saying that's when his little asss will be staying home then or hanging out at Grandma's house? Kids don't have to get everything they want just because they pitch a fit...ESPECIALLY a 5 year old that's well beyond terrible 2's. Screw that mess.

I never said my daughter would pitch a fit or that I was trying to avoid a fit.  I could tell SD5 exactly what you suggested and she wouldn't necessarily pitch a fit but her feelings would be hurt big time.  What I said was that it would be rude and would hurt the older child's feelings.  Even if you explain it to them. 

Summer20

dangerkitty102:

I don't yet have an older and younger child, but I really don't think it would be a big deal for us. We're talking about a 2 hour party. I would take the younger one andmy husband would take the older to do something fun so they don't feel like they are missing out on anything. Maybe something they don't normally get to do because the younger sibling is too little for it.

Totally agree with this.

We're having DDs party at a gymboree and luckily we only have some younger siblings (babies who don't even count as guests at gymboree). However, it's a smallish room and I definitely don't want more than 15 kids, especially if a lot of them are 2-3 years older. Gymboree is geared towards toddlers, not 5 year olds. It's ridiculous to say that your kids all have to be included every time ... Life doesn't work that way.