New to board and a question

STBMrs.Dove

Hello,   I have been a Knottie for the past year and a half. My DH has a son who we have full custody of.  I have raised him since he was 4 so we have it pretty good.   Lately he has become hard to handle.  He back talks, ignores, and gets into trouble.   The bad part is, he does this mostly to DH, because he knows i won't tolerate it.  For the first 4 years that DH and I dates, he worked nights. It was always SS and me, well dad is on days now so its been an adjustment.    Any advice?

hindsight's_a_biotch

Honestly, you can't fix this. Only he can. He needs to get a plan and apply it consistantly. He needs to understand that Dad won't put up with it either.

taagent

I agree with pp, your DH is the one who has to deal with it, show him he will not tolerate it either.  Sorry, GL!

Ilumine

Welcome to adolescents.  Kids are going to test their boundaries and will go after the weakest link.  In this case it is your DH.

The ONLY way to win this (and it is a war) is to have a battle plan in place.  Know your SS's expectations/rules (chores, behavior, bedtime, tv time, etc), know what consequences when those expectations/rules are broken and follow them to a t.

If mouthing off gets a time out from you, DH will have to do the same.  And do it every single time.  If SS gets into trouble and the normal consequence is no tv, then DH has to do the same, every single time.

It will take a while to get SS to realize that you are a team, but once he gets CONSISTENT responses, he will stop pushing the limits, to an extent, remember you still have the teen years ahead.

 

STBMrs.Dove

Thanks everyone.   So I need to have a sit down with DH and clue him in a little better i guess.

Ilumine

Heck, before we got MARRIED, DH and I had a family plan in place.  We wrote everything down.  Chore - consequence if chore was not completed.  Attitude expectation - consequence is attitude happened.  Bed times, homework times, video game/tv times, etc.

Now, you cannot plan for every stunt SS will pull, but it makes life SO much easier for all involved if the basics are covered.  ESPECIALLY in a blended family situation (though your sit may be easier).  THere is no way a SK can claim "Your not my mother, you can't tell me what to do", if all you are doing is enforcing the written on the wall rules. 

And to be honest, consistancy is actually the optimum goal with kids.  They THRIVE better when they don't always have to worry what will happen THIS time.