maybe a dumb question but...

Mustardseed2007

So, personally, I do not let my baby CIO and always go pick him up whenever he cries b/c I do agree with what seems to be the well accepted idea that young babies only cry because they have a need and therefore do need attention when they cry. Plus this is just my preference, I really don't like hearing him cry.

However,  I don't quite understand the concept of how, on the one hand, you can't spoil a newborn, but, on the other hand, you can emotionally scar them if you don't go tend to them right away.

If they don't understand enough to be spoiled, how do they understand enough to be emotionally scarred and learn not to trust others?  

michelle142

CIO isn't supposed to be used on newborns anyway.

wilburpup

The understanding I have (from my courses in child development, child psychology, and educational psychology) is that you can't "spoil them" because they aren't using the behavior (crying) as a manipulation tool, but as a communication tool.  That's their only means to communicate their need.  During the ages of 0-18 mo the foundations of learning what their needs are and learning how to communicate those needs effectively is developing.  You can't "spoil" them because their primary need is love and affection. (in addition to food and clean diaper)  

As you mentioned they are building trust at this time.  When they cry, an adult comes and makes things better.  The need is met (hunger/diaper change/or just consoling fear) and trust is built.  If the needs aren't met (CIO) on a regular basis, they child will develop mistrust and not feel secure in the world.  (OK, that's my exam answer)

 Now I do admit I let DD fuss for a second or two before I run to her because sometimes she isn't awake, and will just cry out once and go back to sleep.

heymommy

Good question. I think the CIO term is over used. CIO means laying your baby in the bed and Just ignoring untill they give up. Letting your baby cry for a few minutes because you need to do something else for a bit is fine.I do not plan on picking up my baby with every cry the minute they start to cry. I do plan on putting my baby down often, I Have two other kids to attend to.I put my older two kids down often ( don't remember them crying much anyway). And I did put them Down awake or almost awake when it was time to sleep once they were a few months old. My kids are Fine now.. Totally normal. I think there are to many theories out there about damaging your newbornIf they cry. Use common sense.

Mustardseed2007

I guess what you're saying is that they aren't born knowing how to manipulate but they can learn either to trust and to have attachments or not. Which I guess makes sense. I suppose they eventually learn to manipulate us too  

greengirl0909

I agree with your thought that when a baby is crying, particularly a newborn, he or she is doing so because something isn't right.  I even think as a newborn, the "something" might just be "WTH just happened to me?" I mean 10 months in one place, and then adjusting to this new loud annoying world would be a big adjustment.

When they cry, they should be reassured it's going to be okay and their needs will be taken care of.  If they cry and that doesn't happen, then they learn not to count on people, because their needs weren't satisfied when they indicated them.  It makes me sad just to think about!