Pressure from family about specific gender

cosmix

How do you ladies deal with family members who say they "wish for" a specific gender? Such as a MIL who wants a boy to carry the family name or look just liker her own son?

I'm 14 weeks pregnant and already have a girl and I just wish for a happy healthy baby. Being 37, I already worry enough about the increased odds of genetic disorders, carrying the baby safely to term, safe delivery, etc. I think all babies should be cherished without regard to gender.

 

Thank you

Justina 

BarbourWales04

I told them that if they had an issue with the gender of the baby to take it up with my FI, since he was the one who contributed the major deciding factor to it.

That shut them up pretty quick.

cosmix

That's hilarious. I need to try that.

 

Unfortunately, my MIL is living with us temporarily until June, so I have to try to stay on ok terms with her. If I keep hearing that from her, I think i may just use that to shut her up. LOL.

Medic99

I am getting this from my in laws. My DH is an only child so it is up to us to pass on the family name. My FIL's brother never had any kids so it is really left to us. I can't stand it. How about just being happy with the grandchildren you get! What happened to that? Sorry it bugs the crap out of me.

DawnJM25

Wow- I'm so sorry you are dealing with that!  Maybe you could nicely explain what you did in your post- remind your MIL that a the most important thing is a healthy baby, not a boy or girl.

TrainMyDogg

I told my MIL I hoped it was a guinea pig... She laughed and I laughed, but she seemed to get the point. Now that we know LO is a boy she looks at the pics and talks about how he looks EXACTLY like hubby. I whispered to him " your mom thinks you look like an alien!" we both got a good laugh! In laws are not easy, but you seem to be a much more patient and understanding person than I am!

amy5162

Obviously everyone should just be happy to have a healthy baby, no matter the sex.  They will get over it.

trish051003

If it's a girl - she may not get married and adpot kids and if she does get married she may choose to keep her last name.  Or maybe if you have a boy he may not want any kids.  So just because you have a boy doesn't mean the family name is carried on . . .  It's not your MIL's original last name anyway . . .

MelissaMiso

It's okay for her to want a boy, the baby is what the baby is and if it turns out to be a healthy baby girl she will surely fall in love and not care that she has no penis.

If it was me, I would just let her wishes roll off my back and not worry about it. Then I would focus on the perks of having a boy or a girl. I figure that, if we have a boy, my husband's name carries on. If we have a girl, my parents get their granddaughter. Either situation is happy in my view.

allisonmarie22

I find this topic upsetting because all throughout my pregnancy my MIL has constantly said (like every time we speak) "you better have at least one girl in there!!"  It upsets me and pisses me off. I feel like if I have 2 boys she is going to be disappointed. My dad (who is a nut job anyway) doesn't like little boys because they are loud and a pain in the ass to deal with (his words, not mine). He won't love my children as much if they are boys.

I just ignore them as best I can, and take comfort in the fact that no matter what I have I will love them completely.  If my family comes around then fine. If not then they know where the door is, and I'm convinced my children's lives will not be ruined without their negative presence.

Beth1031

I'd say... "Hang-on let me whip out my magic wand and get on that".... it upsets me that people can be so thoughtless and demanding on things that can't be controlled.  Sorry I am feeling particularly snarky today.  But the reality is that your MIL will love that baby regardless whether it is a boy or a girl, and if she doesn't then she obviously has issues.  And even if you have a boy it does not necessarily mean that he will carry on the family name... he may not get married, he and or his wife may not want children, or the mother of his children may give them her last name (I know several people who did this) and she can't control any of these things any more than you can control or magically change the gender of your baby.... Considering the things you mentioned you are concerned about she should just be happy she is getting another grand-baby to love and I would focus on having a happy and healthy pregnancy!

PhantomPower

I was completely convinced that my MIL would be devastated if I had a boy. She had my SIL's dresses from when she was a baby dry cleaned and only referred to the baby as "she." When she found out on Thursday that it was a boy she was overjoyed. I think people will end up excited about the pregnancy no matter what. It might take them awhile to come around to the idea, but if they're not eventually excited about it I wouldn't want to be around them anyways. 

kdjudd

My DH's grandma said she only wanted a boy. She wanted to name it the exact same name as my FIL as well. Of course that didn't sit well with me at all. She was very blunt and said that I didn't deserve to name the child, but somehow in her twisted logic she believed she had that right. We have never gotten along well... It turns out we are having a little girl. I couldn't be more delighted. We are naming her exactly what DH and I wanted. When his grandma found out she was upset it was a girl, but I could care less. This little girl is loved and very much wanted!

brideofscowboy

You tune them out until baby is born. Once that beautiful baby is in their arms they'll change their minds pretty quickly.

mcdmaw

I can pretty much guarantee you that she doesn't intend to be hurtful or insensitive.  She is most likely just expressing misguided excitement.  If it is really getting to you I would simply say "When you say _____ its really hard for me because I worry that you'll be disappointed in me or the baby if it turns out to be the other gender"

Other than that, once the gender is announced, all of those comments will stop.  She will be excited for what you are having regardless!