Sleeping Arrangements

res932

At home DS sleeps in his RNP in his own room. I wear a Snuza on him and we also have a video monitor. However, half the week DS and I go to my parents (Wednesday afternoon through Friday afternoon) because DH is out of town on business and I am just not comfortable being all by myself at the house with the baby. At first when we went to my parents my mom, DS and I slept in the same room. My mom will take the "night shift" in order for me to get some sleep, but I still want to be able to know DS is ok. DH has never been a fan of this arrangement. DH feels that I should be able to take care of DS at home by myself. I told him I don't want to be alone for three days with just the baby that I want someone to talk to and my parents help me out. Now DH is upset that DS still sleeps in the same room as me when we are at my parents. He says DS needs to learn to be in his own room and by changing the sleeping arrangement at my parents it is confusing him and it will take him longer to STTN.I told him that at our house I can just switch on the video monitor any time I want to look at DS, but at my parents I only have a sound monitor and I just get nervous when I can't see him or someone isn't watching him.

I know DH feels insecure about me going to my parents. This is his second marriage (in the first his wife had an affair) and he for some reason thinks that I am going to like it better at my parents and stop coming home (totally untrue), so I don't know if he is saying he doesn't like the arrangements because he already has a bad attitude about DS and I going to my parents or if he actually thinks this will confuse DS. I'd appreciate any advice or input.

FWIW I told DH that I am still going to have DS sleep in the same room here at my parents tonight.

turner215

My DH started to have an opinion about how LO sleeps, until I reminded him that I am the one getting up all night to take care of her and he has no responsibilities at night.  So its only hurting me if LO takes longer to STTN.  

That stopped everything!  LOL... Also, I like having LO sleep in a variety of places.  It makes it easier for us to travel and easier to get her to take naps if we aren't at home.  She sleeps with me on the couch after 2am feedings, or in her RNP, or car seat, or bouncer, or PNP (still working on that one).  Now she pretty much will sleep anywhere, except the pnp for some reason.

I can unerstand him maybe being apprehensive but if you feel uncomfortable then it will only  make your parenting more off.... Good Luck 

res932

DH gets up with DS on Friday and Saturday nights so I am getting up with him or with him for the rest of the nights so I am the one who would be really affected by DS taking longer to STTN also. Of course I REALLY want him to start STTN but I don't want to be scared and anxious in the meantime.

EveryNameIWantIsTaken

I can kind of understand your husbands side a bit.  Not about where the baby sleeps because a 6 week old baby is not going to get spoiled and not sttn just because it's in the room with a parent.  Where I'm with him is that it's strange to me that you don't feel you can take care of your baby by yourself.  I get wanting the help, but living there while he is gone seems a bit extreme.  Can't they come to your house and visit and help during the day and evening?

mben1119

EveryNameIWantIsTaken:

I can kind of understand your husbands side a bit.  Not about where the baby sleeps because a 6 week old baby is not going to get spoiled and not sttn just because it's in the room with a parent.  Where I'm with him is that it's strange to me that you don't feel you can take care of your baby by yourself.  I get wanting the help, but living there while he is gone seems a bit extreme.  Can't they come to your house and visit and help during the day and evening?

I'm wondering the same thing.  Also, I think it is a bit overparanoid to not trust the sound monitor.  You can hear every last sound they make over those things-I can hear DS breathing on ours if I turn it up loud enough.  I think you need to trust your instincts as a mother a bit more.

MrsT2008

EveryNameIWantIsTaken:

I can kind of understand your husbands side a bit.  Not about where the baby sleeps because a 6 week old baby is not going to get spoiled and not sttn just because it's in the room with a parent.  Where I'm with him is that it's strange to me that you don't feel you can take care of your baby by yourself.  I get wanting the help, but living there while he is gone seems a bit extreme.  Can't they come to your house and visit and help during the day and evening?

agreed.  why do you think you can't do it by yourself for 2 days?  you have to at some point, right? 

res932

I probably could do it, its just that I am a very anxious person and I didn't even like being alone at the house while DH was away before we had the baby.  We've had some issues with DH's mom and her making threats and I just don't feel comfortable. Also, I have had some issues with being overwhelmed and depressed and I just don't want it to be just me and the baby but I do better when there are other people around I can interact with. So, yes, I probably could stay home but it makes me feel better to be at my parents.

sarajo317

Why can't your mom come to your house? In my opinion I wouldnt want to be moving a baby around every week! My DH has the craziest work schedule ever.. and if I need help when Baby #2 comes... I will ask my mom to come to MY house... it's just easier that way!

lana22

you feel how you feel. on the other hand, i had to ditch the monitor completely b/c it woke me up too much. i just leave his door open and my door open. i personally find it easier for my parents to come to my house when they help out which is frequently.

it does sound like you need to have a frank conversation with your husband about what you think is best for both you and the baby. the fact is you're taking care of baby while he's away, and it's not like you're doing something absolutely crazy. he has to accept that you guys may not agree on every detail, and maybe you can find a way to compromise?

Amitchell0626

I would get your mom to come to your place. Eventually you taking DS back and forth probably will mess with his routine.
I can't imagine dragging ourselves back and forth all the time like that!

GigiGaga

I'm with you husband on this. I think it would be confusing for DS by moving him back and forth from place to place. I don't see how this will help him STTN. I don't understand how you feel you will be the one most affected if it takes longer for DS to STTN. You said your mom takes the night feelings Wed - Fri and your husband does Fri - Sat. So really you are only doing Sun - Tue night feedings?

I think you husband is correct expecting you to be able to care for the baby by yourself. Could it be there are so many people helping you that you don't get the chance to do it alone and gain confidence? I'm sure you can do it.

Also if you are having depression issues you should consult a doctor to be sure you aren't developing postpartum depression. How has your MIL threatened you? Should you put a police report in? Maybe that would make you feel safer at home.