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Kids & celebrations question

My DH leaves for work usually long before the kids are up.  In addition, he often doesn't get home until late.

So what do you do / what would you do if it is your DC's birthday, or a holiday like Valentine's day - do you wait to give them gifts?  Shoot for another day?

For instance, DD is having a birthday party on Sunday, but her birthday is Tuesday.. when would you do your own little celebration knowing that DH is pretty busy?

Re: Kids & celebrations question

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    If my husband was "too busy" to schedule some family time for our childs bday- Im sure debating about when to celebrate wouldn't be the topic I would bring up with him...(but I'm a birthday natzi..for real..)

    but to answer your question: We celebrate on the day of the birthday- (for all of us) If its DHs bday- I wake him at midnight- since L is so little I wont wake him (yet) but when I heard him stirring- I got DH, me and X- blasted the beatles, "birthday song" ad danced into his room singing (just like my mom used to do for me) - L's bday happen to fall on the same day as his party but I will always celebrate the actual day of his birth no matter when the party is...

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    imageabba916:

    If my husband was "too busy" to schedule some family time for our childs bday- Im sure debating about when to celebrate wouldn't be the topic I would bring up with him...(but I'm a birthday natzi..for real..)

    I've got to agree with you, abba.

    Answering your question - gifts from us are always on his birthday. It's his special day, so it has to be treated as such, even if his party is not the same day.

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    I have to agree with PP, if my DH couldn't find a few hours out of a day to make time for his kids' birthday just a couple of times a year, I would have a serious problem.  Especially if he could find the time to go out of town for a few days for a funeral for someone whom he hadn't seen in 15 yrs.  Sorry, those are harsh words and I know I don't walk in your shoes, but seriously, 2 kids 2 birthdays a year.  That shouldn't be too much to ask for 2 hours out of those 2 days.

    And to answer your question, birthday day is for family to exchange gifts.  Party is for those who are immediate family that are there the actual day.

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    Well, sometimes stuff happens at work and the other day he was there til 10pm+ trying to get servers and stuff running.  Sometimes he goes to conferences OOT with all the other employees.  There is always a possibility of that happening on a special occasion, and I can't always predict it (like the servers being down and DH being there til 10pm).  I can't divulge all of what DH does but if he's on call, he's on call and that is his job obligation.

    The funeral was on a weekend, planned a week in advance, so that was a little different.  I mean obviously he's going to try to be home, but if it turns out he has to be at work til 7:30 and DD goes to bed at 8, do I wait to give her gifts and cake til then? - was more along the lines of what I was wondering.

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    Sometimes work gets in the way.  We don't always get to do things on the exact day.  Now if he wanted to put off celebrating special days to go out drinking with his buddies, that would be a whole different thing.

    DH is working/living in Syracuse during the week and comes home on weekends (just until the house sells.)

    Mike turned 7 last week on Tuesday.  We celebrated Sunday afternoon just before DH left for the week.  Tuesday morning we Skyped with DH when we first woke up so he could say happy b-day, but he didn't get any gifts from us on his actual birthday.

    Alex turns 2 Saturday.  We'll probably celebrate that night.  (We have an open house on his birthday, so the morning will be busy making sure the house is ready.)

    Valentine's Day I'll give the boys a little something and they'll Skype with DH. 

    Bianca image.
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    I understand. My DH leaves for work before 6am and gets home between 5:30-8pm every night. We never know when.Sometimes we have to plan around his schedule and its not his fault and there is nothing we can do about it. He can't drop what he is doing and come home. But its the nature of his job. We deal.

    I would give DD her gift at her party. That's what we have done the last couple of years for DS. DS's birthday falls on a Monday this year and I will not be waking him up before 6am to give him any gift or see Daddy :) I would keep him up later that night so Daddy could see him, but not too late where it would throw any big kinks in the next days schedule.

    HTH!

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    imageArcticFox:

    Well, sometimes stuff happens at work and the other day he was there til 10pm+ trying to get servers and stuff running.  Sometimes he goes to conferences OOT with all the other employees.  There is always a possibility of that happening on a special occasion, and I can't always predict it (like the servers being down and DH being there til 10pm).  I can't divulge all of what DH does but if he's on call, he's on call and that is his job obligation.

    The funeral was on a weekend, planned a week in advance, so that was a little different.  I mean obviously he's going to try to be home, but if it turns out he has to be at work til 7:30 and DD goes to bed at 8, do I wait to give her gifts and cake til then? - was more along the lines of what I was wondering.

    No one was trying to put you on the defensive and obviously things come up but you havent kept it a secret that your DH works A LOT and has tons of projects and you do the lions share of well...everything- so I dont think its irrational for us to say what we did...

    I can only speak about what I would do- and I would keep my child up until my husband got home- no matter when that was- I would want my family to celebrate together on that day...but you've also mentioned how unruly your day becomes when your kids are off their sleep schedule and since you most likely would be the one dealing the next day- you have to decide if you want to deal with an off schedule child- and that should determine if you keep DD up or not..

    Good Luck- i hate decisions that involve sleep issues 

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    DH often has to work holidays, so we do the best we can.  If he works days, he is home at night and vice versa.  For birthdays, we would celebrate at some point that day with just our little family.  

    I would not be happy if it was not his choice to be home, but would understand if he got held over at work and could not leave.  

    We are trying to figure out what to do on Christmas this year, as he has to work Christmas Day 7-5....we were thinking of doing "Christmas morning" the day after, as he has to work all day Christmas Eve too.   

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    I'm sorry but I would expect my husband to come home early that day. Even for our birthdays we have the tradition of taking half days if it's a work day.

    Family is WAY more important than any job. Unless he's the president -even if he was!- I would expect him home at a reasonable hour to at least have dinner, cake & presents with the kids. Anything less is unacceptable to me.

    And I DO understand where you are coming from. My good friend's husband is the exact same way. He's responsible for the network of a pretty big advertising company so if it's down a lot of the internet goes down which equals revenue. But having that kind of responsibility means he has people under him. On your kid's birthday that's when he delegates the work to others and goes home to spend time with family.

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    I would celebrate on a day you can all be together. 

    There are certain jobs you can't just leave for holidays and birthdays. Both dh and I work jobs like that. My mom's a nurse, so I grew up with her working some holidays and birthdays. It wasn't a big deal as we always celebrated a different day - whatever was convenient for our family. That is how dh and I will raise our kids too.  I had to work this last year on dd's birthday 9am-7pm. So yes, I woke her up that morning and tucked her in to bed, but I missed her whole birthday. Maybe next year it will fall on a day off and maybe not. Either way there will be a day we celebrate and she feels special, regardless of what the calendar says.

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    My comments were not to make you feel you needed to defend yourself, but I was reacting out of concern for you with regards to your recent posts about how DH is never around, and when he is, you still seem to have to carry the entire load.

    You are both her parents, and even though you stay at home and don't have an actual "paycheck", you should not have to bear the entire burden of raising your daughters. You work just as hard, if not harder, than he does, and you deserve some credit and time for yourself.

    I understand that things come up that are out of your control, like a server going down, or a huge conference that he has to attend always falls on her birthday, so you work around it. But, you and DH need to have a conversation (or several) about your expectations for him should it just be a normal non-crisis day. Do you want him home at a certain time? Is there anything you'd like him to do with you beforehand to get ready for birthday/party/etc?

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