KotB

Celyn

What's the biggest parenting challenge you've tackled thus far?

melgrady

I am still learning how to work while sleep deprived, but our biggest challenge has been learning to not worry about being judged for parenting decisions. My family is the worst when it comes to making me second guess things. Just the decision to breastfeed beyond six months made them give me crap about how they think it is gross to see a baby that old on the booob. Also, our decision to listen to the doctor and wait until six months to begin solids led to many discussions about how we were depriving DD, etc. Finding out we waited to start fruits led to more crap from them, but Rose loves her veggies so I am glad we waited. I have also had two strangers come up to me and tell that I was doing something *wrong* at the store. When did it become acceptable to play mommy martyr at the store when a child is clearly not in danger?

I guess I just don't understand why people are so worried about our feeding/parenting decisions! 

ZoeMay06

For me, it's the guilt. I feel it every day, nagging in the back of my mind. When I was at home full-time with her, I felt guilty that we didn't do enough "stuff" and that maybe I wasn't engaging her enough. Now that I'm in grad school and she goes to daycare 3-4 days per week, I feel guilty that I can't spend more time with her and sometimes feel that I unload her onto her DCP or DH like a burden. Even though logically I know that I am doing something that will benefit all of us in the long run, including her, I feel like she's being deprived of quality time with me through the choices I've made. I feel guilty that I don't provide her more variety in her diet (not that she'd eat it anyway), that she doesn't get her teeth brushed every single morning and night, bathed often enough or that she watches too much tv, etc. etc. I'd love to learn how to let go of all the guilt.

alyssa7

Getting Charlie to fall asleep on his own. We were still rocking/singing/etc. when he was 1.5. I think it wasn't until he was 19 months that he finally got it. Its been so nice to just put him in his crib and leave and he falls asleep with no tears. And no waking up at night = bliss. I'm enjoying it while it lasts.

skirby

Pumping...yesterday I was at our district office for a planning day, and I was given the WORST options to pump - everything from the entry way of the public bathroom to a room with a giant window and construction workers out front. I'm thankful that I can cite the law, and demand better. When I did finally get a place, the motion lights went out and I was sitting in the pitch dark, with milk pouring out of me. Ugh. 

....with pumping, comes the fact that Addie would rather nurse, and so she only eats about 14 ounces while I'm away all day....from the minute I get home until the minute I leave, I am nursing A LOT! She goes to bed easily, but wakes to nurse all night. I'm tired, but don't want to admit just how tired because I feel like it's proof that I'm doing something wrong - last time I called Kaiser about night nursing, the woman told me that I should stop night nursing. UGH...

amyfelice

Putting aside all my own stuff to be calm and cool when dealing with her emotions and upsets. Also her eating/weight and height has been a continual issue and always stresses me out. 

MsPurple24

I think that everything that resulted from her colic was the most challenging.  Fussiness, sleep issues, gas, and general discomfort made her an unhappy baby for the first three months.  None of the challenges we've had since then (daycare issues, sleep issues, nursing complications) could hold a candle to how difficult those colicky months were.

maryh01

Maybe this isn't a parenting thing but...here goes...

For me, it's been learning to adapt and change and also learning to allow myself to be honest about my feelings. I now know that I had (and still have) a REALLY hard time adjusting to the change of everything in our lives, relationships, etc.  I think my therapist said it best when she said that it's like mourning the loss of your old life.  Until I accepted that it was OK to not feel "so in love" and that I was allowed to think "this sucks" sometimes, I wasn't truly present in the moment.  Looking back, I was in a total fog for the first 6 months or so and I'm still dealing with the guilt of that.

 

MadameD517

BALANCE!

soon2Bkranz

For me its allowing Tony to get in his time. He works so hard for us...but often during the week doesn't see the kids at all and they miss him like crazy. So on the weekends I want him here...with us...not golfing or whatever...So I get torn on how to allow him the space for himself...

legaleagles

The colic, breastfeeding, and napping. I feel like I've messed up so much as a mom and that the problems are because I did something wrong. She was colicky until 4-4.5 months and it was so so hard to get through for all of. We are still having problems/difficulty with breastfeeding and I want to quit, but can't make myself do it now that she'll be six months tomorrow...I just need to make it six more months. And she has only taken 2 naps in her crib longer than 30 minutes, ever in her life. She will only na when being held and I should have worked harder when she was younger. I'm worried she'll be 18 months and still needing to be held to nap.

ladipale

maryh01:

Maybe this isn't a parenting thing but...here goes...

For me, it's been learning to adapt and change and also learning to allow myself to be honest about my feelings. I now know that I had (and still have) a REALLY hard time adjusting to the change of everything in our lives, relationships, etc.  I think my therapist said it best when she said that it's like mourning the loss of your old life.  Until I accepted that it was OK to not feel "so in love" and that I was allowed to think "this sucks" sometimes, I wasn't truly present in the moment.  Looking back, I was in a total fog for the first 6 months or so and I'm still dealing with the guilt of that.

 

I could have written these exact words.

ladipale

Besides reiterating what mary said, for me, coming to terms with my inability to control things has been very, very hard. Started with the birth. First time in my life that I prepared for something as hard as I could.. I studied, took a class, practiced, etc for the birth I wanted and thought was best for both Ellie and myself, and ended up with something completely different. I still say that the c-section is my biggest failure in life. and, unfortunately for me & john & ellie, I really do believe it. I think this will continue to be a struggle for a while longer. I am used to putting my mind to something, figuring out the steps that need to be completed to get there, and doing. And usually exceeding mine and other people's expectations. Not in this case.

Kind of like what Molly said, I blame myself for the c/s. Most days I forget that today, right this minute, it doesn't matter how she got here. It doesn't matter that at 8 months I stopped pumping and switched to formula during the day (another thing I think I failed at), it matters that she is loved, she is happy, she is thriving and growing.

And I continue to struggle with how other perceive these decisions. Well, the c/s was not a really a decision, but I'm afraid others will think less of me because I had a c/s, or because I stopped pumping or because I'm back at work.

And, also, the constant illnesses the last few months are really, really trying when attempting to balance work.

green*eyes

ladipale:

maryh01:

Maybe this isn't a parenting thing but...here goes...

For me, it's been learning to adapt and change and also learning to allow myself to be honest about my feelings. I now know that I had (and still have) a REALLY hard time adjusting to the change of everything in our lives, relationships, etc.  I think my therapist said it best when she said that it's like mourning the loss of your old life.  Until I accepted that it was OK to not feel "so in love" and that I was allowed to think "this sucks" sometimes, I wasn't truly present in the moment.  Looking back, I was in a total fog for the first 6 months or so and I'm still dealing with the guilt of that.

 

I could have written these exact words.

 

This is really well said and I completely agree.

On a more specific parenting level, sleep has been my biggest issue.  Not just the fact that I've rarely STTN in 3.5 years, but dealing with the issues that having a child who doesn't do things by the book brings up.  Having to wonder if it's what you're doing or just how he came into the world.  I've come to see that it's likely some of both but have had to forgive myself for my part in it knowing that I was doing what was best for us at the time, and that we have a very close relationship because of the extra dedication I have had with him.  Yes, I'd do some things differently next time, but not because of what "they" say you should or shouldn't do. 

amyfelice

This is great because I feel like I could have written any one of these posts! We all have so many challenges and it's helpful to hear about how we are all going through these things. Colic, sleep, pumping, balance, DH support, missing working out, shopping, etc, it all comes and goes. I think these things probably get better....