Hi there, new to the boards here, sorry for the long post,
My husband and I have been together for almost 7 years, living together for 6 of those, and married for a little over 2. DH is 8 years older than me. We had the baby conversation a long time ago and I said when I was 25 it would be time to think about it, but not before. Well this past Dec I turned 25 and a few months before in Oct. I made the decision that when my b/c prescription ran out in March, that'd be it. I was thrilled with my decision at the time. Now I'm not so sure.
I'm one of those people that likes to get all their ducks in a row and I feel like I've done that. We own our own home, we have health insurance, DH has a wonderful job, just traded in our two door car for a four door, and DH and I have discussed just about every scenario a hundred times. I've had plenty of practice with my two godsons one who is now 4 and the other who is only 2 months and I'm pretty confident I can handle the demands. But in Dec my bro and his new wife announced their surprise unplanned pregnancy and my reaction caught me completely off-guard. I outright bawled and I'm not an emotional person. I don't know why if its because I was thinking how everything was going to change and nothing would ever be the same and I thought I had more time to enjoy things as they were or if it was because she started talking about not quitting smoking (either thing) I was shocked and couldn't help but fear for the health of the baby. Now I'm confused about continuing on with our plans, I don't want anyone thinking we're ttc because of them or something silly like that. I also don't want to heap more change upon my family.
I went ahead and booked my preconception exam just to make sure everything's ok and find out what I need to know straight from the horse's mouth. Now it seems very very real and I'm not sure anymore. I suddenly have alot of doubts that I didn't have a few months ago and I'm unsure of what to do next. I thought the decision was made, I don't understand why I'm suddenly scared of what's next. But at the same time, I'm looking at cribs and baby clothes and literally dreaming of little babies. I'm feeling confused, is it like cold feet or is it something more? I just need someone else to talk to about it. My friend's are ready for me to join the mommy club with them so anytime I bring up my doubts they immediately dismiss them.
I don't want to wait too long since DH is so much older than me. I want him to be able to run after and play with the baby and be there when they graduate and hold his grandkids. I also don't want to wait too long because I have arthritis and hip problems and I want to be able to run after and play with the baby without worrying about falling and hurting them or me. And I want to have the time to decide if we want to have more without sacraficing the health of the child. It's just a lot to think about.
Re: Thinking about ttc
It is a lot to think about. And IMO, it's all completely normal. Even as prepared as you think you are to try to have a baby, there is still the "oh sh!t" moments that pass through your head.
When I got a positive test for my DD, even though she was completely planned, there was a fleeting thought of "Oh, my God, what have we done?!" And even now, planning for a 2nd kid I have those moments.
Nobody can tell you it's the right or wrong time, but no matter when you are thinking about TTC, it's a daunting thought.
Very true.
Having a baby really is a lot to think about. It's a lot of 'unknowns' to deal with. Having never had a baby before, it's impossible to know what to expect, and I think it's only natural that while TTC or thinking about it, you will have some doubts.
If someone were to ask me today how I knew I was 'ready' to have a baby, I would probably tell them that there was never a point at which I was 100% sure I was ready. In the few years it took for DH and I to finally conceive, I don't think there was ever a point where I didn't doubt some aspect of becoming a parent. I'm 4 weeks away from having my daughter and though I am so very excited, I'd be lying if I said a part of me still isn't scared sh*tless about what lies ahead.
If you're thinking of having a baby because you and your husband want one and that is the only reason, then I'd say you're as ready as you're ever going to be. Don't worry what other people will think of your timing.. their pregnancies should have no bearing on the decision for you to get pregnant. No one can tell you if you are ready or not, you have to decide with your husband whether or not you are willing to take the plunge.
Word.
Also,what your extended family thinks, and who else is procreating among them, is irrelevant.
I'm in the same boat as you...
We've got great insurance, jobs are steady, next week we're moving into a bigger place so we have plenty of space for a nursery, etc. Everything has been gone over, planned, talked about and set in motion...but I'm still terrified.
I think what the other posters are saying is right; that you're never completely ready. My husband and I have pretty much decided that we're as ready as we're ever going to be and while we're both terrified we're going to jump in feet first this summer.
Good luck going forward. I think your fears and reactions are completely normal.
i think everyone gets cold feet, its a big deal, its going to change your life for the good and not so good. if people think your only ttc because of your brother then i pitty them not you. but i would wait until your 100% ready , no reason why you cant go off birth control my doc. suggested waiting 3 to 6 mths after going off bc to ttc. and use condoms.
i cant believe she would be so selfish and not quit smoking , that poor baby. sorry for being so blunt but some people arent meant for parenthood, it requires selflessness
This. Why would you having a baby be a bad thing when it comes to changing the dynamics of your family? If your family is known for creating criminals or monsters, then no, do procreate.
Me: 27 Dh: 35 Testing Begins 3/5/13
Six SA's show DH has low numbers across the board = severe MFI
Genetic testing for me = MTHFR+, also carrier for blood clotting disorder Otherwise all else normal
Dh's karotype= Normal!!
Perfectly stated!
I can understand your reaction to your brother and his wife's pregnancy, My sister in law smoked constantly during pregnancy, ate terribly, and otherwise did not take care of the baby to be. It made me extremely sad. They, however, kept slipping into the conversation that because they were pregnant, we of course would be jumping on the bandwagon just to emulate them. If anything, it confirmed in my mind that I wanted all my ducks in a row before trying for a baby. I know you can never be totally ready, but some people don't even try to prepare themselves, and I think it is horribly selfish. Good on you for being prepared!
If they think you're trying because they're pregnant, that's their problem, don't let it affect your decision one bit.