Thinking about ttc — The Bump
Babies on the Brain

Thinking about ttc

Hi there, new to the boards here, sorry for the long post,

My husband and I have been together for almost 7 years, living together for 6 of those, and married for a little over 2. DH is 8 years older than me. We had the baby conversation a long time ago and I said when I was 25 it would be time to think about it, but not before. Well this past Dec I turned 25 and a few months before in Oct. I made the decision that when my b/c prescription ran out in March, that'd be it. I was thrilled with my decision at the time. Now I'm not so sure. 

I'm one of those people that likes to get all their ducks in a row and I feel like I've done that. We own our own home, we have health insurance, DH has a wonderful job, just traded in our two door car for a four door, and DH and I have discussed just about every scenario a hundred times. I've had plenty of practice with my two godsons one who is now 4 and the other who is only 2 months and I'm pretty confident I can handle the demands. But in Dec my bro and his new wife announced their surprise unplanned pregnancy and my reaction caught me completely off-guard. I outright bawled and I'm not an emotional person. I don't know why if its because I was thinking how everything was going to change and nothing would ever be the same and I thought I had more time to enjoy things as they were or if it was because she started talking about not quitting smoking (either thing) :o I was shocked and couldn't help but fear for the health of the baby. Now I'm confused about continuing on with our plans, I don't want anyone thinking we're ttc because of them or something silly like that. I also don't want to heap more change upon my family. 

I went ahead and booked my preconception exam just to make sure everything's ok and find out what I need to know straight from the horse's mouth. Now it seems very very real and I'm not sure anymore. I suddenly have alot of doubts that I didn't have a few months ago and I'm unsure of what to do next. I thought the decision was made, I don't understand why I'm suddenly scared of what's next. But at the same time, I'm looking at cribs and baby clothes and literally dreaming of little babies. I'm feeling confused, is it like cold feet or is it something more? I just need someone else to talk to about it. My friend's are ready for me to join the mommy club with them so anytime I bring up my doubts they immediately dismiss them.

I don't want to wait too long since DH is so much older than me. I want him to be able to run after and play with the baby and be there when they graduate and hold his grandkids. I also don't want to wait too long because I have arthritis and hip problems and I want to be able to run after and play with the baby without worrying about falling and hurting them or me. And I want to have the time to decide if we want to have more without sacraficing the health of the child. It's just a lot to think about.


TTC since March of 2012
Me: 27 Dh: 35 Testing Begins 3/5/13
Six SA's show DH has low numbers across the board = severe MFI
Genetic testing for me = MTHFR+, also carrier for blood clotting disorder Otherwise all else normal
Dh's karotype= Normal!!
 Mini-IVF/ICSI - July -August 2014 - 1R,M,&F Transferred 1 Grade 1 Morula-5dt - BFFN


 
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Re: Thinking about ttc

  • It is a lot to think about. And IMO, it's all completely normal. Even as prepared as you think you are to try to have a baby, there is still the "oh sh!t" moments that pass through your head. 

    When I got a positive test for my DD, even though she was completely planned, there was a fleeting thought of "Oh, my God, what have we done?!" And even now, planning for a 2nd kid I have those moments.

    Nobody can tell you it's the right or wrong time, but no matter when you are thinking about TTC, it's a daunting thought. 

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  • image kmdixon:

    It is a lot to think about. And IMO, it's all completely normal. Even as prepared as you think you are to try to have a baby, there is still the "oh sh!t" moments that pass through your head. 

    When I got a positive test for my DD, even though she was completely planned, there was a fleeting thought of "Oh, my God, what have we done?!" And even now, planning for a 2nd kid I have those moments.

    Nobody can tell you it's the right or wrong time, but no matter when you are thinking about TTC, it's a daunting thought. 

    Very true.

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  • I agree with what everyone else has said.  But I also wanted to add that your family's opinions on your decision to TTC should have zero bearing on your decision.  It doesn't matter even a tiny bit if they question your reasons and any changes that result from you having a baby don't affect them much at all.  You live your life for you - not for others.  My son was planned and the day I tested positive, I believe I repeated over and over again "OMG.  Shitt.  OMG.  Holy shitt.  Can we do this?  I can't do this."  It's normal to be apprehensive about something that will impact your life in such a major way.  I've said on here before - what matters is that your desire to have a baby trumps your fears if you really stop and think about it.  If it doesn't, take a little more time.  You're not ready for a nursing home yet :)
    Formerly known as elmoali :)

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  • Having a baby really is a lot to think about. It's a lot of 'unknowns' to deal with. Having never had a baby before, it's impossible to know what to expect, and I think it's only natural that while TTC or thinking about it, you will have some doubts.

    If someone were to ask me today how I knew I was 'ready' to have a baby, I would probably tell them that there was never a point at which I was 100% sure I was ready. In the few years it took for DH and I to finally conceive, I don't think there was ever a point where I didn't doubt some aspect of becoming a parent. I'm 4 weeks away from having my daughter and though I am so very excited, I'd be lying if I said a part of me still isn't scared sh*tless about what lies ahead.

    If you're thinking of having a baby because you and your husband want one and that is the only reason, then I'd say you're as ready as you're ever going to be. Don't worry what other people will think of your timing.. their pregnancies should have no bearing on the decision for you to get pregnant. No one can tell you if you are ready or not, you have to decide with your husband whether or not you are willing to take the plunge.


  • image GhostMonkey:

    He's 33, not 70. You are being quite overdramatic about both of your ages and physical condition. You make it seem like you are both going to be invalids in 10 years.

    Watching a child is not practice and you have no clue what it is like to be a parent. Babysitting =/= parenting. Not even close.

    Preconception exams are pretty much a waste of a copay if you are having annual appointments.

    It is normal to have some doubts though. It's a big life change.

    Question- you refer to TTC and stopping BCP as your decision. I would hope you spoke with your husband and you both agreed to this. If not, nothing you posted is relevant until you take that step. His input is pretty important.

     

    Word.

    Also,what your extended family thinks, and who else is procreating among them, is irrelevant.

    2 girls and a dog
  • I'm in the same boat as you...

    We've got great insurance, jobs are steady, next week we're moving into a bigger place so we have plenty of space for a nursery, etc. Everything has been gone over, planned, talked about and set in motion...but I'm still terrified.

    I think what the other posters are saying is right; that you're never completely ready. My husband and I have pretty much decided that we're as ready as we're ever going to be and while we're both terrified we're going to jump in feet first this summer.

    Good luck going forward. I think your fears and reactions are completely normal.

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  • i think everyone gets cold feet, its a big deal, its going to change your life for the good and not so good. if people think your only ttc because of your brother then i pitty them not you. but i would wait until your 100% ready , no reason why you cant go off birth control my doc. suggested waiting 3 to 6 mths after going off bc to ttc. and use condoms.  

    i cant believe she would be so selfish and not quit smoking , that poor baby. sorry for being so blunt but some people arent meant for parenthood, it requires selflessness 

  • image heather_09_15_07:

    Also,what your extended family thinks, and who else is procreating among them, is irrelevant.

    This.  Why would you having a baby be a bad thing when it comes to changing the dynamics of your family?  If your family is known for creating criminals or monsters, then no, do procreate.

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  • Thanks everyone it is so good to hear that my doubts are normal and that other people have went or are going through the "oh ***" moments as you say. I feel like I can take a deep breath now and not worry if i'm making a mistake. It's so weird having a baby doesn't scare me so much as the thought of being pregnant.

    TTC since March of 2012
    Me: 27 Dh: 35 Testing Begins 3/5/13
    Six SA's show DH has low numbers across the board = severe MFI
    Genetic testing for me = MTHFR+, also carrier for blood clotting disorder Otherwise all else normal
    Dh's karotype= Normal!!
     Mini-IVF/ICSI - July -August 2014 - 1R,M,&F Transferred 1 Grade 1 Morula-5dt - BFFN


     
    image
  • image kmdixon:

    It is a lot to think about. And IMO, it's all completely normal. Even as prepared as you think you are to try to have a baby, there is still the "oh sh!t" moments that pass through your head. 

    When I got a positive test for my DD, even though she was completely planned, there was a fleeting thought of "Oh, my God, what have we done?!" And even now, planning for a 2nd kid I have those moments.

    Nobody can tell you it's the right or wrong time, but no matter when you are thinking about TTC, it's a daunting thought. 

     Perfectly stated!


    ~TTC#1 Since July 2011~ 
    Dx: Fibroids & Tubal Infertility
                                                        9/12 -IVF#1 =BFN; 5/14 -IVF#2=BFP:-) EDD 2.19.2015                                                

    S/PAIF Welcome 





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    BabyFetus Ticker

  • I can understand your reaction to your brother and his wife's pregnancy,  My sister in law smoked constantly during pregnancy, ate terribly, and otherwise did not take care of the baby to be.  It made me extremely sad.  They, however, kept slipping into the conversation that because they were pregnant, we of course would be jumping on the bandwagon just to emulate them.  If anything, it confirmed in my mind that I wanted all my ducks in a row before trying for a baby.  I know you can never be totally ready, but some people don't even try to prepare themselves, and I think it is horribly selfish.  Good on you for being prepared!

     If they think you're trying because they're pregnant, that's their problem, don't let it affect your decision one bit. 

    BabyFetus Ticker
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