June 2012 Moms

Emotional support needed...

I always envisioned my pregnancy as being fun, amazing, and even magical..how awesome that we get to create a human, right? I always pictured me shopping for baby clothes with my sisters and my mom as soon as i found out what i was gonna have..girl or boy. I had my a/s on monday and found out what I'm having (can't say because my sister is on the bump too and she can't know!) and I am very happy. I finally know the gender of this baby and I can go crazy (only a little) and begin shopping for clothes and other stuff. My husband on the way to the a/s said that he wanted us to keep the gender to ourselves and surprise the family when we send out the baby shower invitations. I'll be honest..i didn't like the idea at all but i want my husband to feel that his input is important and I want him to enjoy this pregnancy along with me so I said that I would go along with his idea. Now family is going nuts trying to get us to spill the beans which is fun to see them squirm but at the same time I feel sad that I can't share my excitement with my sisters or my mom. I want to begin shopping but going by myself doesn't sound very fun...I feel like I'm missing out...

what's wrong with me..any advice?

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Re: Emotional support needed...

  • Maybe you can come to an agreement? Is there anyway you can do a gender reveal to your families soon instead of waiting until the baby shower?
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  • Start an online registry. I know Amazon allows you to keep it private. And the more traditional ones wouldn't be a problem so long as you didn't tell anyone you had started them!
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  • There's nothing wrong with you! It IS fun to be excited about the sex if that was something that you wanted to know, and there's nothing wrong with wanting to share it :)

    Maybe you could talk to your DH and, as PP said, come to some sort of compromise? He probably doesn't realize that it bugs you so much, and you can still make him feel like an important decision-maker without totally suppressing your wishes. I really would recommend mentioning how you feel to him! 

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  • I could see the idea of a special gender reveal really appealing to him. I would try that route. If he doesn't go for it, maybe compromise and say you can tell just your sister or something like that.
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  • image Blue990:
    Maybe you can come to an agreement? Is there anyway you can do a gender reveal to your families soon instead of waiting until the baby shower?

    I like this better than the invites.  So much more fun to tell in person (or on the phone even) than them just finding out by mail.  If they just get the invites you don't get to see any reactions. 

    ETA: does that mean you & h are doing your own shower invites? 


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  • image EMO-mamma:

    image Blue990:
    Maybe you can come to an agreement? Is there anyway you can do a gender reveal to your families soon instead of waiting until the baby shower?

    I like this better than the invites.  So much more fun to tell in person (or on the phone even) than them just finding out by mail.  If they just get the invites you don't get to see any reactions. 

    ETA: does that mean you & h are doing your own shower invites? 

    EMO-mamma: thank you for the advice..no, i'm not planning our own baby shower but since we want them to find out with the invites i told my sister who will be the one planning it that she just needs to tell me the day, time, location and my DH and I would send out the invites but all the planning is up to her.

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  • Thank you ladies for hearing me out and for the advice. I think that I am going to try everything you have posted..I am going to tell him exactly how I feel (I might need to write it in a letter since I know that I am just going to start bawling if I tell him in person and it won't come out like I want it to...i'm better at writing down what i feel then talking it out), then I will bring up the idea of compromise..either throw a gender reveal party for just our immediate family or at least be able to tell one of my sisters so she can be my shopping buddy.
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  • image SandyAli:

    EMO-mamma: thank you for the advice..no, i'm not planning our own baby shower but since we want them to find out with the invites i told my sister who will be the one planning it that she just needs to tell me the day, time, location and my DH and I would send out the invites but all the planning is up to her.

    Sorry, I didn't mean to imply anything bad about you helping with the shower I was just confused.  (I ended up helping my friend w/ small stuff for my shower b/c she had a death in the family and got overwhelmed, no big deal) 


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  • EMO-mamma: No need to apologize, I didn't take your comment the wrong way. Smile  Even though she's gonna plan it, I know I'll be putting my two cents in...a little of a control freak! lol

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  • image SandyAli:
    Thank you ladies for hearing me out and for the advice. I think that I am going to try everything you have posted..I am going to tell him exactly how I feel (I might need to write it in a letter since I know that I am just going to start bawling if I tell him in person and it won't come out like I want it to...i'm better at writing down what i feel then talking it out), then I will bring up the idea of compromise..either throw a gender reveal party for just our immediate family or at least be able to tell one of my sisters so she can be my shopping buddy.

    Honestly, your husband might like the idea of a reveal party.  With the invites you don't get to see people's reactions.  I was really surprised by how much fun we had at our reveal party.  I have pictures in my blog (link in siggy) if you want to see.  We had a lot of fun planning it and our family members are still talking about how special they felt being included like that.  We knew ahead of time, but seeing their reactions and getting to celebrate with them was priceless.


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  • This is the reason why I love our month!! The ladies on here are so supportive and sweet! Plus they are usually right, too. I agree with them - if the gender reveal party isn't something he's willing to do, then I would definitely try to explain to him just how important telling someone is to you. I personally would choose your sister, since she's pregnant, I think it would be perfect. Not to mention - it would being you two even closer! 

     

    I do hope that both of you get to enjoy what you want in a compromise!

     

     

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  • in addition to what every one else said, can you go shopping with your mom for all the stuff that isn't dependent on the baby's sex?  burp cloths and bouncers and strollers and diaper bags etc etc etc.  
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  • I know you've already gotten a lot of responses and ideas on this, but I just wanted to tell you I completely understand.  When we first found out about I was pregnant, DH and I both agreed that we didn't want to go "public" until 12 weeks, but I was desperate to share the news with close friends and family and he just didn't get it.  We did agree to tell our parents/siblings at 7 weeks, but a few friends/co-workers of mine figured it out before 12 weeks and DH was very upset that I didn't lie to keep our secret.

    I thought we were past all that by the a/s though, but again, DH wanted to keep it a secret for a few weeks and I was ready to burst.  I did explain my feelings (and yes, there was crying involved) to him though and have him explain why he wanted to wait.  He didn't understand how different it was for me- with people rubbing my belly and asking questions about the baby all. day. long. vs the baby just being more back-of-the-mind for him on a daily basis.  

    After hearing me out and having time to think about it, he did decide that it would be best to tell.  We didn't do a big gender reveal party, but I did make a blue cake for MIL and FIL to cut, so it was a fun surprise and everyone was happy.  

    Let us know what you two decide!  I completely understand how you feel.   



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  • image ncjulia12:

    I know you've already gotten a lot of responses and ideas on this, but I just wanted to tell you I completely understand.  When we first found out about I was pregnant, DH and I both agreed that we didn't want to go "public" until 12 weeks, but I was desperate to share the news with close friends and family and he just didn't get it.  We did agree to tell our parents/siblings at 7 weeks, but a few friends/co-workers of mine figured it out before 12 weeks and DH was very upset that I didn't lie to keep our secret.

    I thought we were past all that by the a/s though, but again, DH wanted to keep it a secret for a few weeks and I was ready to burst.  I did explain my feelings (and yes, there was crying involved) to him though and have him explain why he wanted to wait.  He didn't understand how different it was for me- with people rubbing my belly and asking questions about the baby all. day. long. vs the baby just being more back-of-the-mind for him on a daily basis.  

    After hearing me out and having time to think about it, he did decide that it would be best to tell.  We didn't do a big gender reveal party, but I did make a blue cake for MIL and FIL to cut, so it was a fun surprise and everyone was happy.  

    Let us know what you two decide!  I completely understand how you feel.   

    Thank you so much for the support. I think I will have to talk to him in person so he sees how much it means to me. And I'm okay with not telling everyone but at least let me tell my one of my sisters! Thanks again!

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  • image sheilatakesabow:
    in addition to what every one else said, can you go shopping with your mom for all the stuff that isn't dependent on the baby's sex?  burp cloths and bouncers and strollers and diaper bags etc etc etc.  

    That's a good idea but I don't think I would be able to hold back on not telling my mom...The only reason why I've been able to hold back and not tell my family is because I haven't seen them face to face. I can never hide anything from them, especially my mom!! lol!

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  • image InLove621:

    This is the reason why I love our month!! The ladies on here are so supportive and sweet! Plus they are usually right, too. I agree with them - if the gender reveal party isn't something he's willing to do, then I would definitely try to explain to him just how important telling someone is to you. I personally would choose your sister, since she's pregnant, I think it would be perfect. Not to mention - it would being you two even closer! 

     

    I do hope that both of you get to enjoy what you want in a compromise!

     

     

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    Inlove: Yes, I completely agree with you! The ladies on here ARE WONDERFUL AND SUPPORTIVE! I am blending together all the advice and gonna go for it! DH is in for a treat...lol!  I will keep you ladies posted!! Thanks again and I am wishing all of you a healthy pregnancies and happy babies!

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