DS comment... (Warning, post about my living children)

Auki13

I know we don't usually put up warnings, but since this whole post was about my older 2 kids I just wanted to make sure that those who have a difficult time TTCAL or don't have any living children wouldn't be hurt... 

Today my DS asked why everyone has healthy babies and OURS was the one that had to go to heaven.  He then proceeded to tell us- It sucks (which is a no-no word, but how can you argue with him in this situation?!).  Poor guy.  I keep thinking that he is ok with the loss and then he says something like this.  I want to give the kids a little brother or sister but am so terrified of losing another one.  I don't know how I could tell my kids again that another brother/sister has to go to heaven.  I know the chances of something happening are slim, but they were slim last time too.  My heart breaks for my kids and I would multiply my own pain if I could just take theirs away.  

careyalis

Tell the little guy that I wonder the same thing everyday and it does suck!  Don't go too hard on him for the language this time

pb127

careyalis:

Tell the little guy that I wonder the same thing everyday and it does suck!  Don't go too hard on him for the language this time

Agreed! Give that sweet, insightful kiddo a hug for me!

Auki13

careyalis:

Tell the little guy that I wonder the same thing everyday and it does suck!  Don't go too hard on him for the language this time

We didn't.  In this instance this word fits perfectly. In fact I can think of several that are much worse that I have used myself...

Auki13

pb127:

careyalis:

Tell the little guy that I wonder the same thing everyday and it does suck!  Don't go too hard on him for the language this time

Agreed! Give that sweet, insightful kiddo a hug for me!

I will. :-) He got lots of extra cuddles before bedtime from both of us.

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erbarmywife

My kids do this all the time.  They love to look at their pictures, and talk about how they look like dolls (DS is 4 1/2, DD is almost 3).  Then, the other day, Gavin was telling Lena that babies dont grow in boys bellies, only in girls, and that the last babies to grow in mommy's belly are now Angels in Heaven.  Sometimes he asks if Abby is going to go to Heaven with Thia and Ella.  Everytime they talk about the girls, it breaks my heart, but I know, because they do talk about them, that they love them. 

Gavin has only asked a few times why the girls died.  It's hard explaining it to him, since he doesnt understand a lot about life, in a 4yo's world.  I guess he's retaining enough, though, to know that they are Angels now. 

lrichmond86

I don't have any other children, but I am so close with my three-year-old niece.  She was very involved in my pregnancy and it was very difficult to deal with talking to her about what happened after we lost baby Gary.  She still makes off-handed comments here and there, but they're fewer and farther between.  The worst one was when she said, "Maybe baby Gary will come back here (her house) someday and you can pick him up."  She doesn't understand the finality of death yet.  She thinks he could pop up again at any moment.  And yes, it certainly does suck.  Hugs for you and your little ones!

Mjmksb04

I am with you. My DS is starting to talk about DD #1 a lot more lately. Two days ago, he said that he "missed her," and I hate that he will have to deal with his feelings about the loss of his sister for the rest of his life too. We never told him I was pregnant with DD #2 and I am glad because I think that trying to explain to him the loss of her would have been too confusing, given his age, and given that we lost her right at almost the exact same time of year (to the day) that we lost DD #1. Its so hard on us, but the worst part if the affect it has on our living children. I am struggling with whether we will ever try again and part of it is picturing DS not having a sibling.

weddedwife

You know, he pretty much nailed it with that comment! It does SUCK. All of it.

It's hard enough figuring out how to incorporate this loss into my own life, let alone my daughter's. I hate that this has to be a part of who she is. I hate that she will one day have to say to someone, "I had a brother who died." She can't even understand what happened yet and it's already impacted her life forever. It breaks my heart.

pottermommy

We don't ever punish SD for her language when she is talking about her grief over Kam either.  (Or her anger over bio mom for that matter) sometimes you have to get your feelings out and the word suck or crap is the only one that fits. 

We also let her yell if that is what helps her, one night she was really angry about missing Kamryn and her being the only person in her class to have to send a sister to heaven and she screamed and cried and yelled to heaven asking why, her theory was if God hears you pray quiet he has to listen if you yell it loud. 

We sat there and let her.  I think you did the only thing you could do, let him be angry and sad.  Huge hugs to you and your kids.