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Disrespectful or just trying to be nice???
So, my MIL sends me a text the other day of the stroller she bought!!! Now this would be great if it was the one me and my DH picked out, but it wasn't. She went out and decided to by what she wanted. I told her I was trying to find things that weren't the traditional boy colors, specifically blue and brown. Guess what color the stroller is? BLUE and Brown! She also informed me that her grandson will be going to church with her on Sundays? Um hello, I was sort of thinking I could take MY CHILD to church with me. She criticizes all my choices, and to be honest I really don't want her in the delivery room with me when I'm giving birth. Is anyone else dealing with MIL issues? How are you handling it, with out loosing your cool?
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Re: Disrespectful or just trying to be nice???
is it her first grandchild, not that she has any business saying they'll go to church with her. she sounds like she's really excited to be a part of the baby's life. as for the stroller let her keep it at her house, one less thing you have to pack up when the baby goes for a visit. i have 3 strollers and i kept 1 at my grandmas for when she took care of my son. i think i'd just smile and nod my head for now. not worth the drama or possible fighting. once the baby comes you and your hubby will be the parents and if things get really out of hand your hubby will have to talk to her about what her role is as grandma and that you are the parents.
Eh, I don't know if stroller color equates to disrespect. As far as church goes, I would just laugh and ignore it. She doesn't have to be in the delivery room if you don't want her to.
How does your SO react to his mom? Do you think she is just excited and joking about taking your child to church?
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My MIL gets on my last nerve as well. She is already buying things for a baby girl, we don't know what we are having yet, and she plans to put up the sign in her yard for when the baby is born, and she wants me to make sure to let her know about the car seat we get so she can buy a base for when she "takes the baby for the day". It drives me nuts! I let my hubby deal with her, I don't need the stress.
And when it comes down to it, your mom. I have spent way too long trying for this baby to just give him/her up for the day whenever she wants it. (never mind that we live 8 hours away, and that would mean we go home to visit family and she gets the baby all to her self. I have a HUGE family who will want to see baby too, and I plan to breast feed, so i will for sure be a necessity) I don't mind telling her NO, and the rest is in her house so I try to not let it bother me (but I am secretly hoping for a boy, as she asked if it was ok to buy baby things, I told her to wait until we know the sex, and she told my hubby I was hormonal and got stuff any way for a GIRL... lol) also I am the type to take control of my life and I will for my baby as well. If I am not comfortable its not happening, and my hubby knows this and respects and supports me.
So I guess, just don't let it bother you until something actually happens with her and your son, and for now, just let your hubby deal with her. It is his mom after all!
)
GL
Started TTC in 2006, LOTS of trying, and trying, and 7 rounds of IVF with 13 embryos, 2 perfect little boys and 5 loses....
All finished with babies, started to make diet changes, Keto, to be MORE for my kids, lost 30 pounds, still going, and 3 months in, I had a natural cycle, and then ovulated... Hubs and I are going to see what happens now... Maybe a natural pregnancy? After everything we have been through? Or just a return to normal hormones? We shall see what the future holds!
Baby Dust To All!!!
Yeah.. maybe this is just me, but that would NOT fly with me.
This is going to be your baby & you decide how & when you take the baby out or IF the baby gets to go with his grandparents or not. If you want to take your child to church with you, that's your parental right.
She's had the time to be a parent. Now it's your turn.
Elonah [3], Bentley [1]
all of this.
It sounds like you guys have some boundary issues.
I think the best way to deal with things (at least to start), is to first make sure that you and your DH are on the same page. Then you just need to be kind but firm when things like this come up. If you were planning on a different stroller and she bought the one she liked, you can say "Thanks! That will be a great option to keep at your place since we're getting xyz." If she says she's bringing the kid to church you can say, "You know I'm not sure how the baby's schedule will be, but it might be tough to work that in with us going to church the same day." It doesn't need to be a big deal or a confrontation, but it is definitely good to state often and early what the situation is going to be like.
Two more things: 1) Usually I would say the stroller thing is not a big deal and you should suck it up and blow it off. And I do think that life in general is easier when you let the small stuff slide. But when you're dealing with someone who seems to be truly living in their own little reality (which is kind of what I'm getting from your post) I think you have to be kind of vigilant about making sure they know where "the line" is. Not in a b!tchy way, like I said, kind but firm. 2) Be prepared for a backlash. One day she might decide to freak out, cry, throw a huge fit, etc when you and your DH set a boundary and she doesn't like it. You have to stick to the kind but firm thing. Don't be emotional. If someone is being irrational, arguing with them never leads to good. You can't control her reactions, all you can control is yourself and what your boundaries are, ykwim. And how much wine you have stocked up to let the steam off once it's over
eta: Do not allow her in the delivery room. If she's what I'm imagining she's like (and I'll admit, in my head she is a specific person in MY life, lol) you probably shouldn't even call/text her until the baby is born. You don't need her barging into the room while you're pushing, trust me.
crap, you sound like your in the EXACT same situation as me. We should chat more XD
Im not finding out the gender, and told my MIL i want gender neutral colors. So she demanded a theme... so I said Disney.. just to get her off my back. and now shes going NUTS on Winnie the Pooh. Which is fine... but Eaaaassy!
So she goes and buys a super expensive Winnie the Pooh stroller thats also a car seat in one and has all the gadgets short or flying. But get this. The stroller is for Her. For when she babysits.
I found this offensive, cuz A. if she babysits, ill be sure to send the items needed, including a car seat and stroller depending on the situation. B. I got my stroller second hand. It was also free. I couldnt ever afford fancy brandnames and big ticket items that arent discounted or second-hand.
I spoke to my sister-in-law about the stroller and she thought I was trying to get my MIL to Give me the fancy stroller. This was not the case. My SIL said "ok, cuz you cant have it anyway, Im keeping it for when I have kids!" ...um. Whatever.
I hate my inlaws. They are fruitcake with extra nuts.
They TELL me what to do and how to do everything. Not just give advice. Its making me crazy. I will be certain that the only person in my delivery room is my husband (and doctors). If my MIL comes in I swear, I will cease progress till she gets out!!!
They also talk like I wont be able to handle it, and I will NEED them for every little thing. My MIL is demanding I call her every day when baby is here and my SIL wants to come over every single day cuz her college is a block away so it works well for her. Thats nice. Doesnt jive with me. But do they care what -I- think?!?!
I recently had a family Powwow. Laid down the law. I am the Mother of this child and what my husband and I decided - Goes! No ifs ands or butts!
Sorry, I started ranting. But heres my advice, do what I did. Have a sit-down in a public neutral place and Tell them how strongly you feel about the important things to You and how they need to be respected. The sooner you do it the better, before they think they can have more power, and before baby arrives. You will feel better once you tell them, even if you hurt their feelings a bit. Your gonna be a mom with cub, show your stripes!
Good luck!
You have my sympathies - I understand completely. Take it from me, smiling and nodding and ignoring things during the pregnancy will just cause a bigger problem later. Be polite, maybe be funny, keep it light - but firmly state your opinion. Letting your SO step in is fabulous, but if she's like my MIL, she needs to know you are serious about things as well.
My MIL pushed buttons with Baby#1 and now is trying to tell me how to give birth to #2, what we will do with #2 while I'm giving birth, how often she's going to visit, everything....
One thing I did with #1 that seemed to really help - I sent copies of my birth plan to all the family and friends that would be in/visit the hospital. It outlined that I didn't want an epidural - don't try to push one on me, this is who will be in the room when I deliver, etc. It also covered 'media' - my inlaws are bad about posting everything, and I mean EVERYTHING immediately to facebook, they have no privacy boundaries, so in our plan we put what could be posted online, who they could tell, let us announce it first, etc. Seemes excessive... but with them it was spot on.
Stay strong!
I have similar issues with my MIL...although we haven't had any baby related issues...yet
Honestly, while the stroller issue is annoying, to me the church thing would be worse. How does your hubby feel? I'd make sure you are on the same page and the have him talk to her. It usually goes better when spouses handle issues with their own parents.
Good luck! That's a sticky situation!
"Your gonna be a mom with cub, show your stripes!"
I like this, and I plan to do just that. Sometimes I can be a little to nice, but when it comes to my child, I know that won't be a problem!