tired of waking up multiple times per night

eric and jess

LO doesn't nap much... 40 minutes at a time if he does fall asleep.  We're having a terrible time getting him to stay asleep at night and wind up bringing him in to bed with us after an hour or two of :

leaving him asleep in the crib, go back in a few minutes when he wakes up crying, settling him down, leaving him asleep in the crib, go back in a few minutes.... etc.

Generally, I nurse him to sleep once he's in our bed.  When we're trying to get him to sleep in his crib, I nurse him or we rock him to sleep.  He wakes me up multiple times per night to nurse and I am so overtired.  At 3:45 this morning, I decided that I wouldn't feed him and see if he would go back to sleep.  Unfortunately, after 45 minutes of both DH and I trying to get him back to sleep, we gave up (had to wake up for work at 5:30!) and I nursed him back to sleep.

Any advice?  I know that these are two separate issues, but they are kind of connected since he doesn't stay asleep on his own.

CarlaAndJames

Read Ferber's book! 

dglvrk2

Has he tried solid foods yet?  DD was waking up 1-2 times per night (all of a sudden) in December, right before she turned six months.  We increased her solid food feedings from 1 to 3 times per day.  I was also weaning and we began giving her formula instead of breast milk before bed.  This really helped her sleep longer periods.  We also let her "cry it out" a few times.  (made a weekend committment of this)  She still wakes up occassionally and cries a little at night.  Otherwise, she's sleeping through the night. 

 Good luck :-) 

Yellow_Daisy

Sounds like it's time to sleep train and stop rocking him to sleep.  Your LO needs to learn how to self soothe and put himself to sleep so that when he wakes up in the middle of the night he can go back to sleep on his own.

I would decide what sleep training approach is best for you (CIO or not) and get a book.

Good Luck!  It's hard at first, but when your LO is able to sleep and soothe himself I'm sure you'll all be happier.

Karen1998

CarlaAndJames:

Read Ferber's book! 

You're getting a Pavlovian response.  He knows if he cries, you'll come.  He knows you'll feed him and you'll rock him.  He's learned that he will get these things if he cries.  Thus, you need to break the cycle.  It's time to start sleep training.  Another book option is Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.  

FWIW, solids are not often the answer.  Sometimes they are, but it's rare.  You'll probably have more mothers tell you that solids didn't help at all than you'll have ones that tell you they were the magic cure.  They sure didn't help my LO stay asleep any longer.  He simply had to get old enough to where he could go 8 hours without eating.  Even with that, I had to sleep train him to stop the 3-4am wake up.  Once he figured out that I wasn't going to get him out of the crib during that wake up, he started putting himself back to sleep.  Then he began sleeping through the wake up time. 

eric and jess

Thanks.  I nursed him to sleep an hour ago, then had to go back in b/c he was waking up every 10 min, but now he's been asleep for... 20 minutes! wahoo!

There doesn't seem to be an upper limit to his crying - we've tried letting him cry himself to sleep but he will just carry on and carry on.  Is there a difference if it's to fall asleep initially or to get back to sleep in the middle of the night (or shortly after falling asleep, as in my LO's case?)

eric and jess

I forgot to mention- we've been giving him cereal for almost 2 months as per pedi's recommendation to help with sleep (not that it does, obviously). He gets 1/4 c with 2 oz BM twice a day.  Sometimes some fruit, too.

jmo866

CarlaAndJames:

Read Ferber's book! 

This.

CarlaAndJames

eric and jess:

Thanks.  I nursed him to sleep an hour ago, then had to go back in b/c he was waking up every 10 min, but now he's been asleep for... 20 minutes! wahoo!

There doesn't seem to be an upper limit to his crying - we've tried letting him cry himself to sleep but he will just carry on and carry on.  Is there a difference if it's to fall asleep initially or to get back to sleep in the middle of the night (or shortly after falling asleep, as in my LO's case?)

Yes, IMO it needs to all be part of the same training. When your LO falls asleep nursing, he forms that as a sleep association, and when he wakes up and there's no boob, he doesn't understand how to fall asleep without it. It would be like if you fell asleep, and someone came and took all your blankets and pillows off your bed and hid them. You'd have a hard time going right back to sleep when you woke up because something just isn't right. 

Definitely read the book and don't just jump into it and let your LO cry themselves to sleep for hours cold turkey. The Ferber plan is a progressive cry it out where you go in and soothe them without picking them up at intervals. So they know you're there, but they are learning how to fall asleep on their own. So that when they do wake at night (which is totally natural, even adults do!) they can all back to sleep without needing you to come in and soothe/nurse. 

DHYGchica3

CIO didn't work for us at first either, but now you have some habits to break first. He has to learn not to snack all night (nursing), I think formula before bed would be a great way to start weaning him from all the evening nursing sessions.

You just have to stick with what ever you choose, it really is tough to see them like that, but they do get used to sleeping in the crib longer that way.

CarlaAndJames

btw, just wanted to throw in some encouragement that you can do it and stay EBF! You can wean him off of the night nursing sessions (my daughter's middle of the night sessions were super short anyway, she wasn't really hungry, just didnt know how to fall asleep without a nipple in her mouth) and try to be really conscious about making up those calories during the day. 

amahrey

definitely check out ferber's book.  we had great success with both of our babes from that book.  tons of useful info. 

 

Yellow_Daisy

CarlaAndJames:

eric and jess:

Thanks.  I nursed him to sleep an hour ago, then had to go back in b/c he was waking up every 10 min, but now he's been asleep for... 20 minutes! wahoo!

There doesn't seem to be an upper limit to his crying - we've tried letting him cry himself to sleep but he will just carry on and carry on.  Is there a difference if it's to fall asleep initially or to get back to sleep in the middle of the night (or shortly after falling asleep, as in my LO's case?)

Yes, IMO it needs to all be part of the same training. When your LO falls asleep nursing, he forms that as a sleep association, and when he wakes up and there's no boob, he doesn't understand how to fall asleep without it. It would be like if you fell asleep, and someone came and took all your blankets and pillows off your bed and hid them. You'd have a hard time going right back to sleep when you woke up because something just isn't right. 

Definitely read the book and don't just jump into it and let your LO cry themselves to sleep for hours cold turkey. The Ferber plan is a progressive cry it out where you go in and soothe them without picking them up at intervals. So they know you're there, but they are learning how to fall asleep on their own. So that when they do wake at night (which is totally natural, even adults do!) they can all back to sleep without needing you to come in and soothe/nurse. 

Totally agree with all of this.  You've gotten some great advice and while this will be hard for all of you, it will get better.  So when you think you can't do it anymore, because more than likely you'll get there, just remember it is going to get better and your little boy will be the better for it.   Hang in there it's hard to go against our natural instincts to comfort even when we know the best thing for them is to break the bad habits.

iteachk

No advice but I am in the EXACT same boat.  I'm going to try some of the suggestions above.  Good luck!

Sacagawea

If you aren't interested in doing a method that contains crying, don't read the Ferber book or Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child. It is possible for your child to have healthy sleep habits that don't involve crying. Read, The No-Cry sleep solution, or the sleep section of Dr. Sear's The Baby Book.  I don't agree that nursing at night is a "bad habit" as some people do. Any breastfeeding book will tell you that many EBF babies will nurse at least once a night through their first year and it is NORMAL. Many mothers that I have encountered dropped the night feedings prematurely and had severe supply issues and early weaning. My LO gets up once a night and I am fine with that, occasionally there will be two feedings, but I am also ok with that if that is what she needs. I don't know when pressuring parents to have their infant sleep 12 hours straight at an early age started, but I feel like it just doesn't work for some babies, especially EBF ones. My LO does associate BF with sleeping, however, I have a video monitor and notice that she does wake up often times eyes open and rolling around and will soothe herself back to sleep, so the whole, "they need to be taught how to soothe" thing I don't buy it, many babies will do it naturally without crying.

gymnst1013

Yellow_Daisy:

CarlaAndJames:

eric and jess:

Thanks.  I nursed him to sleep an hour ago, then had to go back in b/c he was waking up every 10 min, but now he's been asleep for... 20 minutes! wahoo!

There doesn't seem to be an upper limit to his crying - we've tried letting him cry himself to sleep but he will just carry on and carry on.  Is there a difference if it's to fall asleep initially or to get back to sleep in the middle of the night (or shortly after falling asleep, as in my LO's case?)

Yes, IMO it needs to all be part of the same training. When your LO falls asleep nursing, he forms that as a sleep association, and when he wakes up and there's no boob, he doesn't understand how to fall asleep without it. It would be like if you fell asleep, and someone came and took all your blankets and pillows off your bed and hid them. You'd have a hard time going right back to sleep when you woke up because something just isn't right. 

Definitely read the book and don't just jump into it and let your LO cry themselves to sleep for hours cold turkey. The Ferber plan is a progressive cry it out where you go in and soothe them without picking them up at intervals. So they know you're there, but they are learning how to fall asleep on their own. So that when they do wake at night (which is totally natural, even adults do!) they can all back to sleep without needing you to come in and soothe/nurse. 

Totally agree with all of this.  You've gotten some great advice and while this will be hard for all of you, it will get better.  So when you think you can't do it anymore, because more than likely you'll get there, just remember it is going to get better and your little boy will be the better for it.   Hang in there it's hard to go against our natural instincts to comfort even when we know the best thing for them is to break the bad habits.

Just chiming in to agree with these ladies.  I was totally skeptical that Ferber's method would work for us.  I was sure Nikolai would just cry endlessly without a boob in his mouth.  But he learned amazingly fast.  He cried for 45 minutes the first night, maybe 7 or 8 the next couple and then we were down to 2-3 for a few nights.  We are just a week ad a half in and for the past 3 nights he hasn't made a peep when I put him down awake.  

Mason n me

I'm going to come in with a different approach.....

Just out of curiosity, how is your supply? To me it sounds a lot like a LO that isn't getting enough food. My supply was non-existant from the start but the first month I EBF'd and it sounded a lot like that. I could be totally wrong and it is just bad habits. 

I hope it works out for you and you figure out a great sleep solution for your LO,

aliska

Sacagawea:

If you aren't interested in doing a method that contains crying, don't read the Ferber book or Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child. It is possible for your child to have healthy sleep habits that don't involve crying. Read, The No-Cry sleep solution, or the sleep section of Dr. Sear's The Baby Book.  I don't agree that nursing at night is a "bad habit" as some people do. Any breastfeeding book will tell you that many EBF babies will nurse at least once a night through their first year and it is NORMAL. Many mothers that I have encountered dropped the night feedings prematurely and had severe supply issues and early weaning. My LO gets up once a night and I am fine with that, occasionally there will be two feedings, but I am also ok with that if that is what she needs. I don't know when pressuring parents to have their infant sleep 12 hours straight at an early age started, but I feel like it just doesn't work for some babies, especially EBF ones. My LO does associate BF with sleeping, however, I have a video monitor and notice that she does wake up often times eyes open and rolling around and will soothe herself back to sleep, so the whole, "they need to be taught how to soothe" thing I don't buy it, many babies will do it naturally without crying.

This.  Dropping all night feedings will mess with your supply.  Supplementing with formula will mess with your supply.  Feeding formula is not associated with more slee.

amri24

Sacagawea:

If you aren't interested in doing a method that contains crying, don't read the Ferber book or Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child. It is possible for your child to have healthy sleep habits that don't involve crying. Read, The No-Cry sleep solution, or the sleep section of Dr. Sear's The Baby Book.  I don't agree that nursing at night is a "bad habit" as some people do. Any breastfeeding book will tell you that many EBF babies will nurse at least once a night through their first year and it is NORMAL. Many mothers that I have encountered dropped the night feedings prematurely and had severe supply issues and early weaning. My LO gets up once a night and I am fine with that, occasionally there will be two feedings, but I am also ok with that if that is what she needs. I don't know when pressuring parents to have their infant sleep 12 hours straight at an early age started, but I feel like it just doesn't work for some babies, especially EBF ones. My LO does associate BF with sleeping, however, I have a video monitor and notice that she does wake up often times eyes open and rolling around and will soothe herself back to sleep, so the whole, "they need to be taught how to soothe" thing I don't buy it, many babies will do it naturally without crying.

I am having the same issues as you are and I like what Sacagawea had said. I do not like the idea of having our baby cry for us (it breaks my heart) but I do think he can learn to soother himself and not depend on us coming running to him when he wakes up. He sometimes wakes in the morning and just talks to himself in bed for a while and I let him do it until he is finished and gets upset...but other times he cries and wants to nurse. I think he nurses for the soothing more than for hunger - I have been ok with this though as he is only in the 18th% for weight. We are trying to get more calories in him during the day and have one feeding during the night. Good luck with the approach that you take!

BSSnCEB

CarlaAndJames:

Read Ferber's book! 

 This book saved us!  I am a true believer.  The first night it could him a little over 2 hours to go back to sleep, second night 17 minutes, third night 5 minutes, we haven't had an issue since.  LO did not nap, hardly ever for me either (but slept great at daycare for naps).  Ever since I read this book, I now get a good 2 hour nap out of him on the weekends!  It is hard to listen to them cry, but trust me, it's worth it for you and for them.

 Good luck!

jchristo3117

After we Ferberized our baby, I got my life back.  This may seem crass to some, but for me it was the best thing I have ever done for myself AND my baby. 

rose1883

Ferber.  Ferber ferber ferber.  And stop with the rocking/nursing to sleep.  LO is old enough to self soothe- he's waking up bc he's falling asleep with those aids and is unhappy when he wakes up and they aren't there anymore.  I don't know much about the No Cry sleep solution bc I have a few friends doing it and they're still sleep training a month later and for us it took 3 days... so... I wish you the very very very best of luck and all the encouragement in the world!

emilys629

aliska:

Sacagawea:

If you aren't interested in doing a method that contains crying, don't read the Ferber book or Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child. It is possible for your child to have healthy sleep habits that don't involve crying. Read, The No-Cry sleep solution, or the sleep section of Dr. Sear's The Baby Book.  I don't agree that nursing at night is a "bad habit" as some people do. Any breastfeeding book will tell you that many EBF babies will nurse at least once a night through their first year and it is NORMAL. Many mothers that I have encountered dropped the night feedings prematurely and had severe supply issues and early weaning. My LO gets up once a night and I am fine with that, occasionally there will be two feedings, but I am also ok with that if that is what she needs. I don't know when pressuring parents to have their infant sleep 12 hours straight at an early age started, but I feel like it just doesn't work for some babies, especially EBF ones. My LO does associate BF with sleeping, however, I have a video monitor and notice that she does wake up often times eyes open and rolling around and will soothe herself back to sleep, so the whole, "they need to be taught how to soothe" thing I don't buy it, many babies will do it naturally without crying.

This.  Dropping all night feedings will mess with your supply.  Supplementing with formula will mess with your supply.  Feeding formula is not associated with more slee.

What the what? If you're suggesting not to Ferber, that's fine, that's a matter of opinion. But a baby who is 6 months+ and STTN won't have any affect on her supply. It will regulate. My EBF baby has STTN since 4 months and I have a great supply, never woke up to pump and I'm sure there are many, many other mothers who would say the same. 

Marcilene1

Mason n me:

I'm going to come in with a different approach.....

Just out of curiosity, how is your supply? To me it sounds a lot like a LO that isn't getting enough food. My supply was non-existant from the start but the first month I EBF'd and it sounded a lot like that. I could be totally wrong and it is just bad habits. 

I hope it works out for you and you figure out a great sleep solution for your LO,

This is a good point.  My daughter was waking up a ton a few months ago and it turns out it was largely due to supply issues.  There was nothing we could do about bringing my supply back up because it was due to the pregnancy so she is now on formula and breastmilk.  Now that she is not hungy she sleeps MUCH better.  Only one waking most nights. 

eric and jess

Thanks for all the ideas - we've had some internet problems but I'm back.

My supply is very high - I actually had to block nurse 4 hours per side to get it under control when LO was about 3 months old.  LO is over 19 pounds at 6+ months old.

I'm going to request both Ferber and No Cry Sleep Solution from the library.  I got NCSS and a few other non-CIO books months ago but didn't find them helpful.  I will revisit them and try to find what works.

Again, thanks everyone! (PS - DH let me sleep in this morning... I woke up to a fed and napping baby, and a husband painting the hallway