Loss Check-in: 1/31/12

Petunia844

If you are new to the board, this a check-in to just see how everyone is doing in various stages of grief.  Hopefully it will give insight to those with a more recent loss.  Feel free to jump in if you've never posted before.  I've included the questions requested from last week as well.

Any updates to how you are feeling?

Can you describe your first day back at work?

Do you have any good one-liners that you use on the people who are lacking in social skills?

Any questions you want me to ask at the check-in next week?

Petunia844

Any updates to how you are feeling?

I was having a really hard time leading up to 3 months, but now that it's passed I can see why so many people say the fog lifted after 3 months.  I can see glimpses of a brighter future.  I can see myself holding on to the love and the lessons my son gave to me and SLOWLY letting go of some of the anger.  I feel like I'm really in a place where I'm ready for the extremely difficult PgAL road, I just hope we can get our BFP soon.

Can you describe your first day back at work?

It was really hard.  My work was nice enough to let me ease back in slowly, so my first day was only a few hours.  I cried as soon as I walked in the door and my friend took me outside to collect myself.  After that I just remember thinking "how can everything be just the same here?  How can it be as though I wasn't gone?"  I just felt, and still honestly feel that I don't belong here anymore.  I'm taking steps now to leave this job because my son made me realize life is too short to be somewhere you aren't connected to.  

Do you have any good one-liners that you use on the people who are lacking in social skills?

I haven't really gotten to this point.  If someone has been awful so far I just get myself out of that situation as quickly as possible.

foxxy1

Any updates to how you are feeling? Feeling much better. I'm finally using Ethan as a motivation to get out of bed instead of hiding.  Last night we started doing our taxes and it really sucked when it came to the part about Ethan because we can claim him. We weren't suppose to claim him last year and that really, really sucked.

Can you describe your first day back at work? Nerve-wrecking. I cried on and off the entire day but I had a lot of support from just about everyone. There were a couple who just avoided me but I didn't like them anyway.

Do you have any good one-liners that you use on the people who are lacking in social skills? I've been reading a few people the riot act when they act up but I haven't gave any one-liners. No, wait, I have. When someone told me they couldn't imagine what I'm going through, I replied with, 'And I hope you never do.' (Why do people use that line? Is that suppose to make me feel better? Is that suppose to make them feel better?)

Any questions you want me to ask at the check-in next week? I think a question on motivation or what inspires someone will be good.

pb127

Any updates to how you are feeling?

I am feeling uneasy and sad~ DS's one year birthday is coming up.

Can you describe your first day back at work?

I work at home most of the time, but when I went back people mostly ignored me. A lot of people didn't know I was pregnant (weird? I was 38w) so i just did my thing and went home.

Do you have any good one-liners that you use on the people who are lacking in social skills?

I don't, these people always catch me off-guard and say things when i don't expect it. I do imagine giving them a throat punch after the fact though.

Any questions you want me to ask at the check-in next week?

-

lizzythom9106

Any updates to how you are feeling?

I'll be 4 weeks out tomorrow and slowly feeling better. I had an appointment yesterday and I am medically cleared to TTC if AF is normal and I feel up to it. I don;t think I'm ready yet, but I feel better knowing my body is finally doing the right thing.

Can you describe your first day back at work?
It was hard, mostly because of the people giving me the sad face all day. I sent out an e-mail with an overview of what happened. It made it easier that everyone knew.

Do you have any good one-liners that you use on the people who are lacking in social skills?

One liners, no. I have some good food for thought for people who tell me I'm going to rot in hell for terminating my little one.

Any questions you want me to ask at the check-in next week?

When/ If you will TTC again. If you have already TTC again, how did you decide you were mentally ready.

 

Thanks for doing this

Petunia844

lizzythom9106:

One liners, no. I have some good food for thought for people who tell me I'm going to rot in hell for terminating my little one.

I'm so sorry you ever had to hear anything that horrible, the nerve of people who just have no idea what you went through! Big huge hugs.

Mjmksb04

Petunia844:

Any updates to how you are feeling? Pretty rotten actually. I have been going through a low period about the last 4 days. I sat up late on Friday night in the nursery and just cried and felt sorry for myself. I have been just so angry lately and thinking about how all of this is so unfair. I am feeling a bit better today, but I can still feel the depression hanging on.

Can you describe your first day back at work? Hard, very hard. After coming back when we lost DD#1, I came in over the weekend to check my e-mail and start going through paperwork so I wasn't as overwhelmed. It ended up not being as bad as I thought. This time was similar.

Do you have any good one-liners that you use on the people who are lacking in social skills? Not really. I haven't had too many people say stupid stuff to me.

Any questions you want me to ask at the check-in next week? How about a question regarding what have you done to bring yourself comfort when going through a low point? Or what do you do on a daily basis to remember your child?

 

pb&fluff

Any updates to how you are feeling? I feel okay.  My daughter's DD is coming up on Monday.  I took the day off and hopefully it will be okay.  I miss her everyday.  I also feel sort of numb about our second loss.  Like it wasn't real.  I'm nervous about next cycle, as it will be our first TTCAL.  Hopefully it will be here in a few weeks.

Can you describe your first day back at work?  Not too much different.  I was in a clinic that had figured out what was going on (a very small and tight group of women) and they were incredibly supportive.  Several of them had been in my shoes.

Do you have any good one-liners that you use on the people who are lacking in social skills?  Just the woman who told me she'd need my first born - I told her "good luck with that."  Not stellar, but the quickest I could come up with in the situation.

Any questions you want me to ask at the check-in next week? Maybe how our SOs are doing?  Or something fun about Valentine's day to lighten the mood? 

Heather91705

Any updates to how you are feeling?  One day at a time, that's all I can say.  It's painful on a daily basis and I miss my angel everyday, but with another DD at home and one on the way, I try to see "positives" rather than dwelling on the past.  So I take one day at a time...it seems to work most days.

Can you describe your first day back at work?  My first day back at work is one I'll never forget.  I wasn't there for more than an hour, DH and I met for coffee (we work for the same company) and the cafe worker who is very sweet, welcomed me back and asked if the baby was doing well.  All I could answer was "no" and I walked away in tears.  DH just rushed me out of there and it was an awful day. 

Do you have any good one-liners that you use on the people who are lacking in social skills?  No, but i can't wait to read the others!  I wish I did.

Any questions you want me to ask at the check-in next week?

johnnys june

Any updates to how you are feeling? Apparently I still have surpassed the guilty phase, for me or DH.  DH and I had a fight (very very very rare) on Thursday.  I ended up wracked with tears.  DH left, and I sat on my closet floor gasping in between sobs.  The only words out of my mouth "please don't take this baby too." (talking to the universe, God, anyone that will listen).  We were pregnant with Logan during our first few months of being married.  It was rocky.  DH and I have an amazing relationship now, but we're both pretty passionate...so when a fight/arguement occurs, they're big and bold.  This happened the weekend I started feeling crampy which led to preterm labor and the discovery of my short cervix.  I hadn't thought about that in a long time...but this past weekend it brought it back up.  Something I need to work through....so in a way, it's a milestone.  In a way, it's a set back.  I just miss Logan so much.

Can you describe your first day back at work? Anxiety ridden (on the inside).  I put my tough face on..and I last the whole day...but not without take a few short trips to the bathroom for a good cry.  I was so glad when that day was over.

Do you have any good one-liners that you use on the people who are lacking in social skills?  It just depends on the situation.  I don't have 1 specific thing I say.  But I am honest most times. 

Any questions you want me to ask at the check-in next week?

Mjmksb04

Petunia844:

lizzythom9106:

One liners, no. I have some good food for thought for people who tell me I'm going to rot in hell for terminating my little one.

I'm so sorry you ever had to hear anything that horrible, the nerve of people who just have no idea what you went through! Big huge hugs.

 

LIzzy--I am so sorry that people say terrible things like that to you. We had to terminate our last pregnancy and I get so upset now when I see pro life bumper stickers and people rallying against the right to choose. It was truly the worst decision we ever had to make and I hate that people don't understand that in cases like ours, its the ONLY decision.

nuttycoconut

Any updates to how you are feeling? Better than I thought I'd be feeling. My brain fogginess has cleared up a bit. I feel less isolated, like I can participate in some normal conversations.  I still have really sad moments though. 

Can you describe your first day back at work?
Nope but it's happening soon! I'm really dreading seeing all of the kids at my school because I don't want them to ask questions I'm not prepared for. Any teachers out there with advice? Can I say my babies are angels or is that not allowed? Also, I don't want the sad eye look from co-workers. I also am dreading the question, "How are you doing?" because what am I supposed to say to that?

Do you have any good one-liners that you use on the people who are lacking in social skills? Not really but I'm hoping to learn some from you all! The only time I really spoke back to someone was when the neighbor told me I was young and I can have more babies. I said, "We really love our babies and they are irreplaceable."  Not the most biting response but I was happy I at least said something back.  When DH's coworker told him that it's okay that we lost the babies because now we can lots of sex to have another baby (I wish that method worked for us!!!), DH said, "Get the f*ck out of my office." hehe

Any questions you want me to ask at the check-in next week? Love the ideas about a Valentine's day post and a SO/DH check in post. I'd also like to know when AF came back? I'm starting to get worried...

Petunia844

nuttycoconut:

I'd also like to know when AF came back? I'm starting to get worried...

Just thought you'd rather have an answer sooner than next week... it took about 5 weeks for me to get mine, but I've heard anything from like 6-8 being pretty common too. 

nuttycoconut

Petunia844:

nuttycoconut:

I'd also like to know when AF came back? I'm starting to get worried...

Just thought you'd rather have an answer sooner than next week... it took about 5 weeks for me to get mine, but I've heard anything from like 6-8 being pretty common too. 

Thanks. I'm going on 8 and trying to figure out when to call the Dr. about this.

Auki13

Any updates to how you are feeling?

The 6 month mark was really really hard, but all in all I seem to be doing a bit better now.  I have been having anxiety lately and I'm not sure what that's all about.

Can you describe your first day back at work?

I actually lost my job right before I had Annabelle so I started a new one several weeks after having her.  I nanny, and I let them know my story right away and they were very sweet about it.  The hardest part was that she had a baby a month ago, and holding him every day makes me ache for my little one.  Though it has gotten easier, and I'm lucky that they are such a sweet family. 

Do you have any good one-liners that you use on the people who are lacking in social skills?

No.  I'm one of those people that gets all tongue tied and then thinks of something to say later that day.  This past weekend a waitress asked me if I was prego- ugh!  (And I do NOT look pregnant, though I haven't quite lost the last ten pounds from my pregnancy with Annabelle).  When I simply said no, she said, and I quote, then you must have just had a baby because your jacket is snug on you.  I just stared at her and said no again.  I had Annabelle 6 months ago, and again I don't look pregnant, though I obviously need to lose these last few pounds.  Made me feel like crap and I just wish I had something good to say back to her!

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

weddedwife

Any updates to how you are feeling?
It's really been a mixed bag this week. I'm kind of all over the map. One good thing is that I've decided if we wait another cycle or two to TTC, I'm okay with that. It's a big step for me.

Can you describe your first day back at work?
Uncomfortable. Anxious. Awkward. I cried on the way there, and on the way home. Very few people said anything to me about my loss and everybody knew. At least a few people said, "It's really good to see you" or something like that.

??Do you have any good one-liners that you use on the people who are lacking in social skills?
Unfortunately no. I've found that the lack of social skills in regards to this type of loss are so widespread that a one-liner really just wouldn't do the trick.

weddedwife

Auki13:

Any updates to how you are feeling?

The 6 month mark was really really hard, but all in all I seem to be doing a bit better now.  I have been having anxiety lately and I'm not sure what that's all about.

Can you describe your first day back at work?

I actually lost my job right before I had Annabelle so I started a new one several weeks after having her.  I nanny, and I let them know my story right away and they were very sweet about it.  The hardest part was that she had a baby a month ago, and holding him every day makes me ache for my little one.  Though it has gotten easier, and I'm lucky that they are such a sweet family. 

Do you have any good one-liners that you use on the people who are lacking in social skills?

No.  I'm one of those people that gets all tongue tied and then thinks of something to say later that day.  This past weekend a waitress asked me if I was prego- ugh!  (And I do NOT look pregnant, though I haven't quite lost the last ten pounds from my pregnancy with Annabelle).  When I simply said no, she said, and I quote, then you must have just had a baby because your jacket is snug on you.  I just stared at her and said no again.  I had Annabelle 6 months ago, and again I don't look pregnant, though I obviously need to lose these last few pounds.  Made me feel like crap and I just wish I had something good to say back to her!

How about, "There goes your tip!"