Mix emotions

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pb127

TTC is already hard and TTCAL makes it even more difficult and painful.

We're always here for you (((hugs)))

Gizu92708

I decided this past week that I wanted to TTC again .That was a big decision all on it's own. I also decided that I would wait till June to start just to give my body and my mind a break. When I calculated that cycle it gave me a march EDD. Same as Enzo. He was due the first week of march. Did I think twice about waiting another month?Yes. But what if I get KU that cycle? I can't risk not having my rainbow baby in my arms . I really hope this is your cycle. And if it is, think of it as a little blessing Brandon decided to give you. Good luck!! ((hugs)).

eroplane

I don't know what to say except we're here for you. I think I would have mixed emotions too. I hope everything works out and you get your rainbow baby soon. Big hugs. 

pottermommy

Gabe's bday is 13 days before Kam's...I am still dreading that day even with him here. 

Honestly, I don't know that it would be any easier if I had waited based on their dates....The loss is still very prevelant no matter what, I hope that either way, what is best is what happens for you. 

Big hugs.

weddedwife

I know what you mean. We are considering trying next month, which will mean an EDD within days of Nathaniel's bday. I don't know how I will deal with that. But if we wait another month, I'd still be (hopefully) very pregnant when Nathaniel's bday comes and would that be any easier? I don't know. Maybe this is the beginning steps of accepting that I don't control everything in my life. We very badly want a sibling for DD, so if this is the timing, then it is what it is.

I do know that the anniversary of your loss is probably going to suck either way, so if you are ready to TTC then I say go for it.

drvst8

I was scared to try again around the date I concieved Logan. That was last month. But I felt that if it happened it was meant to be. That Logan was watching out for me and that if I coun't handle it he would help me. We didn't get pregnant last cycle. Right now we are in the 2WW. And I'm still scared to death. I'm guessing that won't go away. But I'm here if you ever need to talk.

krysiahamaty

I could imagine the emotions you're dealing with. Big hugs and we are here for you no matter the outcome.

Heatherhah

I am currently in the 2WW and last year at this time I got pregnant with Sydney. My cycle this month started a on Jan 2nd and last year it was Jan 3rd. So I would be due almost on the same day and I would probably be delivered right around or right before she passed away. I didn't even consider not trying this month. I didn't want to miss one cucte and I also think that if I do get KU that maybe she will guide me through it and help her future sibling come home with us. I have to think that or I will lose my mind.  Good Luck you are not alone!!

johnnys june

I had the worst anxiety that month -- the month I had conceived Logan the prior year.  We had already been TTC for 5 months and I was already frustrated and exhausted.  The thought of those dates potentially lining up was "cool" some days -- like a *sign* but on other days, I couldn't fathom reliving those parallel moments without Logan.

*hugs*  One day at a time, Lovey! 

Petunia844

I know how you feel, I'm in the 2ww now and if I got pregnant this cycle my dude date would be less than 2 weeks before Peyton's birthday... I thought about this but like others, I couldn't risk not having my rainbow.  I also have realized I don't get to control anything.... so if it happened that any of my dates overlapped I probably would feel that Peyton was showing me he's with me in the next pregnancy, if the dates don't overlap it would probably be just a tad easier emotionally... but either way I'm just going to take it one day at a time.  G/l, TTCAL is one emotional ride.

foxxy1

I know the feeling. I would love to start trying now but I know DH is not ready yet. We finally decided on this spring. I'm really excited about it; DH goes back and forth.

I know if I were to get pregnant anytime soon, everything will be that much more difficult because I was also pregnant last fall with Ethan. I feel like it'll be a bit of a deja vu for us.

Cranang

I totally get those mixed emotions.  I got pregnant with Celeste on February 27, 2010.  I got pregnant with Sabrina on February 17,2011.  Celeste's due date was November 20, Sabrina's was November 10. Celeste was stillborn on October 31.  I prayed SO hard that Sabrina wouldn't be born on that day, exactly one year later.  She came on October 27, thankfully.  But 4 days after Sabrina was born, I had to cope with my little Celeste's 1st birthday. I had a beautiful, healthy 4 day old, but all I could think about was my first daughter.  The PPD wasn't helping that situation either.

So really, the end of October is forever going to be so bittersweet for me. I understand how you're feeling.  Truthfully, if I could do it over, I would've skipped that month, because the whole pregnancy felt eerily similar.  It caused me a lot of stress, just dealing with the same weather at the same stages etc. I know that sounds stupid, but it's the truth...

Hang in there.  It's a tough road, but the rainbow at the end is amazing.

roxyttandme

(((hugs))) So much more than just a baby is taken away from us....

pb&fluff

Big hugs, M.  I understand where you're coming from.  I'm having an internal battle myself about whether or not I want to do BC for one cycle to let myself recover.  We got pregnant this second time on our first cycle back (after my D&E cycle), and I can't help but wonder that maybe my body wasn't ready?  I'm scared that if we do get pregnant right away again, I will miscarry again.  I will feel like I'm being punished for being impatient.

On the other hand, I'm afraid not to try.  If we do, maybe we'll get our take home baby.  If we do get pregnant and I m/c again, then we're just putting off even longer getting our take home baby.  If I don't get pregnant, well then it's just another cycle my body has had to let it recouperate. 

My RE says that we can go ahead and try again after I get AF.  After my D&E, she wanted to put me on BCP so that I could have a complete estrogen-progesterone cycle, but when we found out I ovulated, she was happy with that.  I don't know.  TTCAL is a whole different world.

 

Heather91705

All I can say is that it's difficult no matter what, so don't think about it, just TTC whenever you can.  I found the anniversary easier to tolerate already being pregnant, yet wish I had a baby in my arms again, or close to it.  I think it helps to take SOME of the pain away from the anniversary dates.  Some may not feel that way, but I did.  Just throwing that out there.