Kids not giving enough space

melmax

I'm struggling with this lately. As much as I know this stage will be gone before I know it, and I'll miss it, I feel suffocated lately as a SAHM.  My girls follow me everywhere. Everywhere. Even when I tell them I'm just going to put something in the next room. They want my coffee each morning. They want to sit ON me on the couch. Or so close, that they sit on my hair, step on me, etc.  They want my seltzer. Lila decides she wants MY seat, so I move over. Lila HAS to shower with me when I tell her I'm showering.  They want to watch Barney when I try to watch ONE show on the weekend during daylight hours.  (Of course, I don't give in things like the last example)  And I know all of this stuff goes with the terrritory of being a parent, but lately it's been unnerving. I find sitting down with coffee for 10 minutes grates b/c they are always ON me.

Yesterday it came to a head and I had a meltdown. MH spilled an entire coffee in my car. After he spent a while cleaning it up, I wanted to go downstairs to see if it was all cleaned up. I told Ava I was going down to the car for 2 minutes. She started whining that she wanted to come, I insisted she wasn't....meltdown ensued. Lila came out from the next room, saw I was walking out the door, and starting crying that she wanted to go with me, I reiterated to her as well that I was just going to car, I'd be right back. I left anyway, and from outside I could hear them crying/screaming. When I came upstairs I LOST it.

Clearly, I need to create some personal boundaries. I know I can talk this over with Ava, but I'm not sure about the 2.5 yr. old. 

Tips?

livinitup

This clearly isn't working. I think you have to practice some boundaries and let them fall apart and then see that everything is okay after. Do some practice sessions, keep it fun and consistent. You have taught them that it is okay to act this way, and it isn't. Do some teaching around what you want and follow-through over and over. Calmly.

Zenya

you'd be surprised at how easily they adjust honestly.  The biggest adjustment will be for YOU to assert yourself.  I mean do you really move over when she wants your seat?  So start with things like that.  No - this is mommy's seat and if she melts down then be sure it'll pass soon!

Then I make my kids go play for by themselves.  I tell them they have to stay in whatever room for 10 minutes (and usually they'll stay longer) and if they come out for a stupid reason I reset the imaginary clock.  It's a little thing (and they find it funny) but it works.  

I get very overwhelmed by chaos (which I clearly need to get a grip on given the ages of my kids) so it's really essential for me to set boundaries.

#1 - NO GUILT.  You're not asking for too much. 

j-w

This is one of those situations where you have to remember that you are raising kids who will not only be with you for the rest of their lives.  Is it acceptable for a kid to dictate where mom sits, what's on the tv, who goes where, etc?  Not even a little bit.  So, IMO, you need to be firm and set the boundaries.  Don't tell them what you're doing every time you change rooms.  Sometimes, when I don't feel the desire to explain every little thing I'm doing to DD (6), I just simply say, 'don't worry about it, I'm just doing it myself.'  It's as much for them as it is for you.  When DS asks for a bite of my lunch, the answer is 'no, this is my lunch, you have your's right there.'  Don't feel guilty about it.  Think of it as teaching them life skills.  My kids spend time with so many different people that I want their behavior to span across any audience, if that makes sense. 

melmax

j*w*:

This is one of those situations where you have to remember that you are raising kids who will not only be with you for the rest of their lives.  Is it acceptable for a kid to dictate where mom sits, what's on the tv, who goes where, etc?  Not even a little bit.  So, IMO, you need to be firm and set the boundaries.  Don't tell them what you're doing every time you change rooms.  Sometimes, when I don't feel the desire to explain every little thing I'm doing to DD (6), I just simply say, 'don't worry about it, I'm just doing it myself.'  It's as much for them as it is for you.  When DS asks for a bite of my lunch, the answer is 'no, this is my lunch, you have your's right there.'  Don't feel guilty about it.  Think of it as teaching them life skills.  My kids spend time with so many different people that I want their behavior to span across any audience, if that makes sense. 

I do this all the time. But the minute they realize I'm not around, they start yelling for me.  And sometimes, I just want to go put the clean sheets on by MYSELF. 

Ugh, it's tough. I DO set boundaries, "no, this is MY seat" or "no this is my coffee, you may not have any" but it's the whining/crying that ensues afterwards that's draining me, especially when it's over insignificant sh+t.

AAAAAteam

I totally understand how you feel.  I am a SAHM too and my kids are very attached to me.  I can't go upstairs without them coming along, then if I go back downstairs they rush to follow me back down. 

I love that they have such a close attachment.  But it is sometimes exhausting when you just need some me time!

I had to set a boundary at dinner recently for my DS to not try to sit with me.  He is 3 and he would always try to scoot over and sit in my lap.  I told him no, I need to sit by myself during when I eat.  And he has respected that. 

You just kind have to push their boundaries. 

I guess I would rather this problem than my kids not wanting to be anywhere near me.   

 

Melett

I agree with everything everyone said but also it sounds like you need a break! Can you get away with some friends/family for a weekend? Also , stress to them that sometimes you need "mommy time " my kids are actually sympathetic when I tell them this ..

Cbidt's girl

I think some of this has to do with natural personalities. My first is a clinger, my second is very independent. With my clinger it really helps to have a routine. If he was surprised by a sudden change of response it would be a 2 hour meltdown, not the 10 minute tantrum PPs seem to assume. He does a great job of playing independently during his set quiet time because he's used to the routine of it. I've built in smaller chunks of the day as well when he knows I go up to do laundry and he plays downstairs etc. he had to get used to the routine. Perhaps you could set up small chunks of time for them to do a separate activity and you get some space.