Online come-apart on Skype... — The Bump
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Online come-apart on Skype...

Disclaimer: This may come off as rambling.  I'm quite sleep deprived.

Today I had my first actual come-apart in front of DH on Skype.  Mind you, I've had a couple come-aparts during this deployment, but none actually in front of DH.  LO had been inconsoleable for over an hour before I got online with DH (LO is teething I believe) and he certainly wasn't any happier after I got on Skype - or during the two out of two and a half hours I was on Skype with DH.  DH finally got to see how it is when we have a not-so-good day here at home.  I got so frustrated that I had to put LO in his bouncy seat a couple times so I could collect myself... I ended up crying my eyes out because I was so frustrated.  DH tries, but he doesn't understand how difficult it really can be raising a LO by oneself - I've been raising LO by myself since we came home from the hospital (we being LO and me, as DH was already back at the mob station).  The only ones I have nearby who even have a clue what deployment is really like are DH's parents - FIL was in the National Guard for 26 years.  Everyone else that I know comments on "how hard it must be" and everything, but they really don't have a clue.  DH followed his father's footsteps and is in the National Guard, so aside from drills, AT, schools, and obviously deployment, we lead a largely civillan lifestyle.  The closest military base is over 2 hours away and we live 3 hours from where his unit is based.  We also live out in the middle of nowhere, so there really aren't any options for contacting "Mommy and me" groups for socializing and getting out of the house.  I really don't know anyone around here who's my age - most people I know are older, so they don't have babies LO's age.  Any advice on maintaining my sanity until DH comes home in a few months?  I feel like I'm at the end of my rope and it's fraying faster than I can tie a knot. 

 So there's this boy. He kinda stole my heart. He calls me "Mom"

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Re: Online come-apart on Skype...

  • Do you have a YMCA close by? I do the swim classes with my DD which your LO will be ready for a couple months... but they also have a child watch that will watch your baby while you work out. This is my sanity- I get time to work out my LO gets to play with other kids and you will meet a lot of other moms. I wish I had gotten out a little more when my DD was 4 months, I was so rigid about being home "for the baby" that I often drove myself nuts. Just walk around your local mall during the day and I can guarantee you will see lots of other mamas in the same boat going stir crazy at home "and just needing to get out." Look into stroller strides to they often have classes at malls in the winter. Hang in there, I know its hard especially when LO is going through a hard time. But it WILL pass. 
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  • You need to find some time for your self.  When those people say they know it must be so hard for you to handle things, get them to step up and help you.  Do you attend church?  That hour durring a sermon is like a mini vacation for me.  I know my 4 kids are being cared for.  I can relax, focus on my relationship with God and just breathe for a bit.  Also check and see if the church offers a mother's morning out or child care during other events.  Our church has a ladies group that gets together to knit blankets for shut ins, sick members and wounded service members.  Two girls from the HS youth group watch the kids during that time. 

    Also, see if your parents, a neighbor or a friend will watch your little one for a few hours once a week.  Take that time to take a long shower and then get out of the house for a bit.  Even if it's just a trip to the grocery store or Walmart, that bit of time alone will help you de-stress. 

    Get outside as much as you can. If it's nice out, take the baby outside and sit in the sun.  If baby is napping, take your baby monitor outside, sit in the sun and read a book. 

    You can do this.  You just have to give your self a break here and there.

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  • image iluvmytxrgr:

    You need to find some time for your self.  When those people say they know it must be so hard for you to handle things, get them to step up and help you.  Do you attend church?  That hour durring a sermon is like a mini vacation for me.  I know my 4 kids are being cared for.  I can relax, focus on my relationship with God and just breathe for a bit.  Also check and see if the church offers a mother's morning out or child care during other events.  Our church has a ladies group that gets together to knit blankets for shut ins, sick members and wounded service members.  Two girls from the HS youth group watch the kids during that time. 

    Also, see if your parents, a neighbor or a friend will watch your little one for a few hours once a week.  Take that time to take a long shower and then get out of the house for a bit.  Even if it's just a trip to the grocery store or Walmart, that bit of time alone will help you de-stress. 

    Get outside as much as you can. If it's nice out, take the baby outside and sit in the sun.  If baby is napping, take your baby monitor outside, sit in the sun and read a book. 

    You can do this.  You just have to give your self a break here and there.

    This exactly. It is hard and it's Ok to have a mini break down every now and then. It happens to the best of us. It is especially hard when you don't have a community around you that really understands your experiences I would suggest you take advantage of those resources you do have. If its possible for you to find a sitter every now and then, do it. And, there may be other mommy groups around that aren't military centered. These women can become valuable friends and support to you as well. Don't cancel them out simply because they have different experiences. Do a little research and exhaust all of your options. I wish you the best.  

  • Lots of great advice already. My biggest advice would be to make time for yourself. It is hard to ask for help, but you have to do it. It isn't healthy to be with your child 24/7 every day because you will mentally not be able to hold up. I would look for a church, mom's group, plan vacations to visit family out of town a weekend trip every once and awhile can be amazing, Military One Source offers over the phone counseling, connect with other spouses from your husbands unit either over the phone or even on email or facebook. Becoming a mom it is really easy to lose yourself and feel guilty for taking time for yourself. Trust me you are a better mom for it!
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