XH not showing up for visitation — The Bump
Single Parents

XH not showing up for visitation

I'm not even a week divorced and, unfortunately already having this problem. Out of the 3 days XH was supposed to see DD last week, he missed 2. A few days ago, he was supposed to pick up DD from daycare and bailed at the last minute, leaving me scrambling to find a back up plan. Then two days later, he doesn't show up at all and ignores my text mags asking where he is, if he's coming, etc. While I understand I cannot "make" XH be a good parent, is there anything I can do to require a sense of decency? Am I really screwed and at his beck and call for the next 20 years? Is this seriously the reality of having a d!ck XH? I'm not a naive person, but I can't wrap my head around the fact that he can continue to manipulate and control me in this way.

Re: XH not showing up for visitation

  • Did you make a visitation schedule? If so document everything and then in 6 months ask for a modification giving him less time because he isn't following what was originally court ordered. 

    If you don't have a visitation plan document everything to take so you can build off what he is doing. 

     And if your LO is 3 you're only screwed for 15 years, not 20 :) I'm sure your LO will come up with their own opinion in the meantime. I'm just praying that my son realizes how much of a deadbeat his dad is before our 15 years are up haha. 

     

    Good luck. Just remember how strong and independent you are. Give that baby lots of kisses too!  

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  • I lurk and I have NEVER posted over here, but I am here to tell you that yes, kids figure it out. My son is almost 13, and while his father is not a bad person and we generally get along, he has been very flaky with visitations and keeping promises to our child in the past. A few month ago, my son told him how he made it feel, and set his OWN rules for them hanging out together. He comes to our house, don't break any more promises, etc. And just being called out by his own son has actually helped things tremendously. We did not have drug problems or anything to deal with though, just stupidity ;-)

    So yeah, it sucks now, but eventually the kids figure it out. And if you do not bad mouth the father in front of your child(ren), and always try to make sure he is in your childs life (except for obvious circumstances) you will not look like the bad guy. He will. 

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  • image JCGreene85:

    Did you make a visitation schedule? If so document everything and then in 6 months ask for a modification giving him less time because he isn't following what was originally court ordered. 

    If you don't have a visitation plan document everything to take so you can build off what he is doing. 

    This is exactly what the AG's office told me when I called to ask about this situation. I make my plans on the assumption that BD will not show up. 

    LO will eventually make their own opinion on BD and I've already told my Ex that I will not lie for him. So when he doesn't bother to get out of bed and come get LO even though she may be waiting at the door for him, if she asks I'm telling her the truth, Dad didn't get out of bed in time to pick her up. At the rate he's going though, she already has a pretty poor opinion of him and she's only 2... 

  • Just wanted to add, do not make excuses for him either. If dad doesn't show up, don't make up some happy go lucky reason for it. "Oh, dad probably confused the dates!" Empathize with how hurt your child is. Don't minimize it while attempting to make it better. Not saying you do this, but some people do.
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