Need advice... please. (kinda long)
Okay, long story short... we are doing a parental placement adoption in VA... happened fast & furious as we weren't even looking into adoption at the time. Well, we have been working with a lawyer in town that does adoptions (although this type is rare around here) since her birth in July. So... problem? We haven't had anything done yet, no home study etc. At first the lawyer's office told us that we had to have a home study done through social services before we could go on, so we harassed social services for the first few months... nothing. We're in a small town with over worked/under staffed ss department, they're pretty pathetic. So I called the lawyer's office about 2 months ago and told them I didn't know what to do as SS had told me they didn't know when/if they'd be able to do a home study at all. They said they would proceed with sending in the necessary paperwork to the judge at J&D court and they would then order a home study to be completed and then SS wouldn't be able to ignore it, it would become a priority.
Well, then the attorney called me and said that she had submitted everything and the judge had told her that she didn't think that a home study would be necessary, or a court date/hearing for that matter. She said that since it was a parental placement and since we brought her home from the hospital and had her for 6 months, she could enter a guardianship order now (whenever she gets around to it apparently) and then revisit it in 6 months and make it final. I don't know if that is standard or really legal? The attorney didn't either and said she had asked the judge again who said she was going to go back and reread case law to make sure...
Well, that was before Christmas. And once again, we have heard nothing at all. I'm SO frustrated and have called the attorney's office multiple times but they always stick with "you don't want to rush the judge, she has it on her desk to do". I get that you shouldn't "annoy" a judge, but this is crazy! I did call her office one time to talk to the clerk of court who was super rude to me (despite how nice I was to her) so I don't really want to go that route again...
So, here is my question (finally, I know). I will be in the court office's building tomorrow for something else, and thought about going by the J&D court and talking to them, explaining that we are hoping to go on a cruise (which we are) and ask if there is anyway that we can get enough required paperwork in order to get to be able to take her on the cruise? I thought that maybe that way it wouldn't be like I'm bugging them, or harassing them to move faster, just hoping to go on vacation? And be friendly?
Or do you have ANY other suggestions? I SO desperately want this to be finalized..
I also want to add, there is zero contact with the bmom and I don't fear at all that she will change her mind, there just hasn't been any interest since birth... so that has helped keep the anxiety down, just really want it to be finalized. Thanks for reading all this!
Re: Need advice... please. (kinda long)
TTC since May 2006. After 3 failed Clomid cycles, 2 failed Injectibles/IUIs, 2 failed IVFs and 1 failed FET, we moved on to adoption!
Last ditch FET resulted in BFP, and identical twin girls!
I absolutely do NOT recommend contacting the judge or her office. They do not take kindly to that. (while I am not barred in VA, i am an attorney.)
Things do sometimes take a while in the courts, depending on the judge and his/her caseload, but continue to check in with your attorney. Like PP said, that is what you pay them for.
As for the home study, try calling Children's Home Society of VA. They are the agency we are working with and they can probably give you some good info on how to proceed. They are based in Richmond.
Good luck!
Okay! Thanks... I really want things to move along, but don't want to make anyone mad. Although it'll be hard to be in the same building and not go pester someone today... but I'll take your advice. Thanks again!
I'm on the SAHM board some, and I've seen some of your other posts about this. My curiosity got the best of me today, but I can't find the post I wanted to reply to (deleted, maybe?).
How did you end up with your DD in your home? I know it was a direct placement, but how did you actually leave the hospital with her? And how are you taking care of her medical needs? I'm just really curious. We had to get a temporary custody order to cover a clerical error with our home study for a few days. Leaving the hospital and several times in the first few months, we had to show that custody order (and later the placement documents). Did the hospital just let you walk out with your DD? Did your insurance not require placement documents to get her covered?
I'm just a big worrier, and I've had a conversation with DH about the "what ifs." It even worries me that we only have an adoption decree that ties her to us. It bothers me that she's only identified in the document by information that someone could deny. This is the only case where I am bothered that we don't share DNA. How do I "prove" she's mine? I know it's a super long shot, but things like Changeling scare me to death.
Anyway, that's my own craziness, and I'm not trying to scare you. I'm just wondering how you have been functioning as her mother if she wasn't legally placed with you - in a legal sense, not emotional/physical/financial - I know you guys have that covered. I also want to add that from what I can tell you are a fabulous mother, and I hope you get this legal aspect worked out quickly and smoothly. I'm not questioning whether you should have your DD - I just want to know how it worked.
Thanks for the compliment... she really is our life, oh... so darling! I don't know how we are getting things done legally, I truly don't. The bparents had signed a notarized paper before the baby was born saying they gave us the custody of her. The hospital told us that we would have to have the lawyer come to the hospital (which was weird), they handed the baby to the lawyer and then she had to walk outside and hand her over to us... made no sense at the time, but I wanted her and didn't care how.
Other than that, nobody has questioned a thing. Nobody has asked to see any documentation, birth certificate, nothing. Her doctor just had me fill out normal paperwork, the insurance agent just added her right to my H's policy with no questions. I stay home with her, so it wasn't an issue with daycare or anything. I honestly don't know! I do know this, everything is different in a small town, so maybe that's why nobody has asked for anything?
I am wanting/needing a vacation, and want desperately to take her out of the country, but know that's off limits until we get her legally ours... but I'm making calls to find out if we can fly to Puerto Rico with her.
I did talk to another lawyer in VA today who was so nice/kind and explained that we could hire him, it will be app 7k more than our current lawyer, and I just hate to pay all that extra if our lawyer actually has everything in the works, so torn.
That makes a lot more sense that you at least had something signed and an attorney at the hospital. I was imagining you just walking out of the hospital with someone else's baby, and I know that would never happen.
I know what you mean about wanting a baby and not caring how. If someone had offered me a baby on a street corner, I probably would have taken it! And then gone to jail... But it's difficult how adoption is such an emotional thing, yet everything needs to be done by the letter of the law.
If I were you, I would save the money from the vacation and pay what's needed to finalize your adoption and make it legal. You can always plan a trip to celebrate finalization. And I would imagine that a vacation would be much more relaxing if you're not having to worry about jeopardizing your adoption. Keep us updated on how things go and if you can make some progress. Good luck!