I love when people plant a seed of doubt...

EBelle80

One of my clients today is an ultrasound tech at our local hospital, so I know her advice came from a caring place, but still...

I am using a local midwife and planning a home birth, but I have had two ultrasounds and probably will have one more towards the end. I was chatting with  her about that, then she says..."Just pay attention towards the end, because we have had a lot of mothers come into the hospital lately who are working with midwives and have had a stillbirth."

Aaaahh! Of course, no other info was given by her, like did they have prior complications, etc.

I'm just thinking, what things should I be on the "lookout" for from here on out that I didn't know before being with an OB? This is the first time I've used a midwife and I totally trust her but I don't trust myself so much. A lot of this pregnancy so far my care has been led by me, which I love, but what if I don't know what to ask/do?

I wish people would not say the word "stillborn" to pregnant people as it is our worst nightmare.

nonoemily

OMG, honey, that sounds like a big load of BS to me.

What does "a lot" of stillbirths mean, anyway? 

I'm just a FTM, so what do I know... but I think the only thing you need to be on the look out for is people sharing inappropriate nonsense to try and scare you.

Tash13

I know a lot of people who work in emergency services (police, fire, hospital, emt's, etc.) and hear things like this a lot.  It's one of the reasons I don't plan on telling my family about our home birth plans (2 police and an EMT as siblings).  I always point out to them that they only see worst case scenarios.  Nobody calls the police because everything is honky dorey.  Nobody goes to the ER because they feel good.  My SIL is pre-med and always warns me about these studies/cases she's read about.  Well, of course she's reading about these!  It would be a really boring medical class if it was all about perfectly healthy people!

All I'm saying is that people in the medical industry tend to forget that they don't see all the healthy people.  Those people wouldn't be in there to see them in the first place.  So take what she's saying with a huge grain of salt. 

EBelle80

Tash13:

I know a lot of people who work in emergency services (police, fire, hospital, emt's, etc.) and hear things like this a lot.  It's one of the reasons I don't plan on telling my family about our home birth plans (2 police and an EMT as siblings).  I always point out to them that they only see worst case scenarios.  Nobody calls the police because everything is honky dorey.  Nobody goes to the ER because they feel good.  My SIL is pre-med and always warns me about these studies/cases she's read about.  Well, of course she's reading about these!  It would be a really boring medical class if it was all about perfectly healthy people!

All I'm saying is that people in the medical industry tend to forget that they don't see all the healthy people.  Those people wouldn't be in there to see them in the first place.  So take what she's saying with a huge grain of salt. 

I've gotten this too, as well. Another client who is an EMT told me that "all the time" he transports moms who can't handle the pain or something goes wrong. I was polite to his face, but in my head I'm thinking, well, I've "handled the pain" of two births so I should be all right on that score. Moral of the story, keep my mouth shut. It's so hard when people ask me straight out, "Which OB are you seeing?" Once I say midwife the questions start coming. I just freaked out for a second because we are a small community and there are only a few midwives around. It seems this pregnancy I've heard a lot of stories, IRL and online, of people losing babies in 2nd tri or having stillbirths. It makes me so, so sad and scared each time.

LaurelBee

ACK!  The dead baby card strikes again!  People love to throw that out there for some reason...  HBs are just as safe as hospital births are if you deliver with someone who knows what the warning signs are and won't hesitate to call for help if something comes up.  And that's where the EMTs, hospital staff, etc come in- they only see the worse case senarios.  So it may seem like HBs are unsafe to them bc that's all they know about the subject! 

Block out all that negatvity and focus on growing that baby and getting ready to bring your LO into the world!  GL mama

MotherMonster

What they said!

I'm a nursing student and from my research, HB's are more likely safer than birthing in a hospital. You don't have people trying to cover their backside due to malpractice and they understand that it's natural to have a child!

Women have been having babies for thousands of years without hospitals and doctors. Only now do we hear this BS. It's just propaganda. However, I'm not nice haha I would have told them off. I don't care what you seen in an ER or at the hospital. The hospital is for high risk people and those who are sick. Not for the healthy. 

bootcampbride

Unfortunately women and babies die under the care of OBs too.  That just doesn't stand out as much for the u/s techs because of uniqueness of the homebirth scenario. 

iris427

I didn't tell people about my home birth plans because I didn't want to hear fear-mongering from people who don't know anything about home birth.

That said, I think it's just as important to listen to your instincts when you are having a home birth as when you are having a hospital birth.  Just as there are OBs who are not good at their job and who put their own interests ahead of their clients, there are midwives who do the same.  I think sometimes home birthers forget this.  So in that sense I think you have to careful regardless of where or with whom you deliver.

Alliebooberz

That is ridiculous!  I am so sick of people saying comments like that to me and I don't hold back when I reply or interrupt stories like that.

buggerfly12

Some people would consider me one of those who was planning a home birth and ended up with a stillbirth... Which I did, but it had absolutely nothing to do with the home birth plan; I never even got far enough along to go into labor (22 weeks, and the u/s 2 weeks before that was perfectly fine)! A good midwife will be keeping track of you and know when something's wrong so you need to get to the hospital, and you can trust your own body so long as you're paying attention to it. Trust yourself and find a midwife you can trust too and it's nothing to worry about.

EBelle80

buggerfly12:

Some people would consider me one of those who was planning a home birth and ended up with a stillbirth... Which I did, but it had absolutely nothing to do with the home birth plan; I never even got far enough along to go into labor (22 weeks, and the u/s 2 weeks before that was perfectly fine)! A good midwife will be keeping track of you and know when something's wrong so you need to get to the hospital, and you can trust your own body so long as you're paying attention to it. Trust yourself and find a midwife you can trust too and it's nothing to worry about.

I'm very sorry you had such a loss.

Now that I've had a night to sleep on it, that's what I'm taking away from the conversation - things can go drastically wrong for no real reason at all. Midwife, OB, it doesn't matter. I would not blindly trust an OB, I didn't in the past, and I don't blindly trust my midwife either. But I know she is better equipped to deliver my uncomplicated pregnancy, and she will better emotionally support me. Thanks for the reassurances, everyone.

LaurelBee

buggerfly12:

Some people would consider me one of those who was planning a home birth and ended up with a stillbirth... Which I did, but it had absolutely nothing to do with the home birth plan; I never even got far enough along to go into labor (22 weeks, and the u/s 2 weeks before that was perfectly fine)! A good midwife will be keeping track of you and know when something's wrong so you need to get to the hospital, and you can trust your own body so long as you're paying attention to it. Trust yourself and find a midwife you can trust too and it's nothing to worry about.

I am very very sorry for your loss.