Crossing the Line? — The Bump
Military Families

Crossing the Line?

My husband is going to be leaving for a remote assignment in April. I have the option to go, but we selected the unaccompanied tour instead. The list of reasons as to why I am not going is somewhat long, but here is the key points. We have a two year old to move to a base with no services at all only one working building on base and a three lane bowling alley and 10 base houses I don't think would be good for either my daughter or I mentally (the nearest grocery store is even 85 miles away), we own our home at our current base and have lived here for 4 years we are planning on putting the house on the market and if the house sells before the remote is over we will move back with family, I have a great job here at our current base with a good income we have been able to save a good amount of money.

Well today the first shirt called my husband and gave him the third degree over why I wasn't coming. He kept saying this indicates financial problems, failing marriage, and if she does move back to OR if your house sells your family will not have any medical care.

First, why would they offer unaccompanied status if they require you to go or look down on you if you don't? We don't have financial problems at all. We have zero debt besides our home and have been saving nearly my entire salary for the last 4 years. We have a been married for 10 years and not going to claim it has been perfect we are 100% committed to each other. Next I already contacted the Tricare office to ensure based on our location we still would have medical and it was explained to me this would not be a problem.  

 The First Sgt said he was still very concerned and would be talking to the commander and calling back my husband on Monday. I am all for people wanting to take care of their people, but I really think this is crossing the line.  My husband and I are very private people and I find it beyond insulting for the third degree he is getting.

 Thoughts and advice is needed. Thanks ladies. 

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Re: Crossing the Line?

  • It sounds like he is just being nosey and butting in. Other then cancel your husbands orders and forcing him to take others, I really don't know what else he could do or if he could even do that. 

    He can't force you to move and he can't take away your health insurance. What you all decide to do is your business. You can't control what he says or does. Just stick by your decisions and move on or don't move in this case, lol.

  • That definitely crosses a line.

    Your Tricare is active as long as you are a dependent in DEERS. If you move to an area without a base, you can go Tricare Remote or Tricare Standard. Him taking unaccompanied orders does not cancel that.

    Do what is best for you and your family. It sounds like you've thought it through and you know what that is, and good luck to you both!!

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  • Crosses the line. We had issues like this all the time, the solution is CALL ME in let me tell you why I chose what I did. They dont like it ohwell. You do what is best for you and your family, they can deal. 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Thanks ladies I am glad that I wasn't just over thinking things. I am still really frustrated and if this guy calls me I will have to hold back. He is the shirt at my husband's new base. My husband is TDY right now and the shirt called his current base to find out more about our marriage. We live off base (there is no housing at our current base) I work full time and we have a two year old so I don't attend office potluck's or other events because they are always during the week when I work so people don't know a lot about me. The shirt made a comment that I am not being supportive. And then brought up back in 2007 when my husband PCS'd for 7 months for training and I stayed back at our previous base before we both PCS'd together to our new base. My husband said that was true and it was because I was had a full ride academic scholarship for my master's degree and had one semester left that I needed to finished to complete my master's degree. He said well it sounds like she thinks she is better than being a military wife? WTF???

    I am going to see if the dust settles. The base my husband is going to is small so if he says anything he will still see this guy daily. The entire base only has 30 people at it. I just hate when people judge your choices without knowing your reasons. 

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  • Honestly, I would take this conversation over the Shirt's head and go to your Sergean Major. 

    My DH (an E9 in the Air Force) would (s)hit a brick if one of his shirts were to say something like this to one of his airmen / spouses.  More importantly, he would REALLY get pissed if one of his shirts threatened the HEALTH CARE of one of his airmen / spouses.

    Not following one's servicemember to a Duty Station is a perfectly OK thing to do - as long as the all of the policies, procdures and laws are followed, ie if you are getting COLAs for living overseas and the spouse isnt in country - that means if you go home for more than 30 days you let finance know. 

     

    file:///Users/Ilumine/Desktop/Family%20Portrait%20for%20gift.jpg
  • image Emilia0101:

    Thanks ladies I am glad that I wasn't just over thinking things. I am still really frustrated and if this guy calls me I will have to hold back. He is the shirt at my husband's new base. My husband is TDY right now and the shirt called his current base to find out more about our marriage. We live off base (there is no housing at our current base) I work full time and we have a two year old so I don't attend office potluck's or other events because they are always during the week when I work so people don't know a lot about me. The shirt made a comment that I am not being supportive. And then brought up back in 2007 when my husband PCS'd for 7 months for training and I stayed back at our previous base before we both PCS'd together to our new base. My husband said that was true and it was because I was had a full ride academic scholarship for my master's degree and had one semester left that I needed to finished to complete my master's degree. He said well it sounds like she thinks she is better than being a military wife? WTF???

    I am going to see if the dust settles. The base my husband is going to is small so if he says anything he will still see this guy daily. The entire base only has 30 people at it. I just hate when people judge your choices without knowing your reasons. 

     

    Id be taken this about his head. If it were me, Id also be going down there in person and raising hell.  There is no reason for anyone to speak to you like that, or assume anything. He has some stick up his ass, and you should twist it for him. 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • image Ilumine:

    Honestly, I would take this conversation over the Shirt's head and go to your Sergean Major. 

    My DH (an E9 in the Air Force) would (s)hit a brick if one of his shirts were to say something like this to one of his airmen / spouses.  More importantly, he would REALLY get pissed if one of his shirts threatened the HEALTH CARE of one of his airmen / spouses.

    Not following one's servicemember to a Duty Station is a perfectly OK thing to do - as long as the all of the policies, procdures and laws are followed, ie if you are getting COLAs for living overseas and the spouse isnt in country - that means if you go home for more than 30 days you let finance know. 

     

     

    Thanks for all the support and thanks llumine for the perspective of another AF spouse. My husband is an E6 so this isn't like he is brand new to the military and doesn't have a clue on how things work. He is calling back tomorrow so I will keep you all updated.  

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  • Can you make some sort of ICE comment?  


    Me – 33 (no diagnosis), DH – 41 (MFI)

    IVF #1/ICSI 2008 – 22 ER, 21 F, Day 3 transfer (8A and 8B) - BFP, 3 Frosties

    Surprise BFP 2010

    Surprise BFP 2011

    Shipped frosties from TX to VA in 2012

    FET #1 May 2013, single blast – BFN

    FET #2 August 2013 2 blasts – BFN

    IVF #2/ICSI/AH Jan 2014 – 8 ER, 7M, 6 F Day 3 transfer (grade 2 & 3), no frosties - BFP!



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