How to combat feelings of being overwhelmed/stressed?

res932

DS is going to be six weeks tomorrow. I am still struggling with feelings of being overwhelmed and stressed out. I am very much a Type A personality and want things to be done just so. In addition I have also always been a person that needed her sleep. Now with the baby I am getting 4-5 hour stretches of sleep at night at best, and even then it isn't uninterrupted sleep. DS is a baby who makes a lot of grunting/straining/fussing noises while he is asleep. I usually put him to bed at 10:30 and then he wakes up at 3:30 and 6:30 to be fed. Last night however, he got up at 1:30 after having already been making the noises for a half an hour. When he did this I just got really frustrated because I have been trying to do whatever I can to increase the amount of time he sleeps. I just broke down into tears because I feel like as soon as we make progress on one thing we lose ground on another.So many people I know said that by 6 or 8 weeks their babies were doing 8 hour stretches at night or more. I know every baby is different, but then I wonder why we are only at 4 or 5 hour stretches.

I also get frusterated when I am trying to get hime down for a nap in the afternoon and he just won't cooperate. I work from home doing freelance so in addition to me wanting him to nap so I can nap I also want him to nap so I can do work. Otherwise he would just want me to hold him and rock him.

There are days where I just feel like it is never going to get easier and I am going to be struggling forever. I also worry that he is going to be one of those kids that won't sleep through the night until they are 1 or something and in the meantime I am going to have a total breakdown. How have you ladies dealt with this? How do I relax and just let things happen without getting stressed out? Also, how do you deal with the sleep deprivation?

tosh24

Babies that STTN at 6-8 weeks old are the EXCEPTION not the rule. First thing to do to relieve some of your stress is to quit comparing yourself and your child to other moms and babies. Your child is an individual, and he will wake as many times as he needs to during the night for food and/or comfort. That's what a newborn does. 

My DS is 10 weeks old and wakes every 3 hours to eat at night. It's what he needs. DD was 15 months old before she STTN...until then, she woke one time to nurse throughout the night.

Go with the flow and don't work yourself up about what you think your baby should be doing based on your friends' experiences. Also, embrace and repeat the following: "this too shall pass".  

angela9602

Trust me you are not alone feeling like this! I ALWAYS got at least 10 hours of sleep a night before baby, so to go from that to every 2 hours being awake was a complete shock to me I felt like a walking zombie completely overwhelmed and drained! Trust me on this one as welll it WILL get easier...6 weeks is still really young....LO is 11 weeks and its just started getting better...yes its still tough but they will start to get on a semi schedule. I am soo Type A as well so I can relate with you. 4-5 hour stretches right now is completely the norm for a 6 week old baby! We just started getting to 6-8 hours stretches within the last 3 weeks but its not every night. Hang in there its bound to only get easier in the next few weeks. A glass of wine at night goes a long way as well!

AimmeeJo

I just want to say I'm right there with you, I could have written this post myself.  I find myself feeling guilty b/c I just want this phase to be over and a happy baby who sleeps a little and I can count on sleeping a little.  Know you aren't alone!

Netty_3

Sometimes the best thing to do is put LO down and walk away where you can calm yourself down. 

Bateaulover

Since you say you're type A, I'll throw this out there--we chose to read Babywise and get our son on a routine of Eat/Play/Sleep throughout the day and he slept through the night at 8-9 weeks. He ate every 2.5 to 3 hours during the day, and then slept at night. I also put him on his stomach. (insert flames here)

Anyway, my great aunt said it best when describing those newborn weeks:  "Its hell while it lasts."  I have to agree. I felt like I'd been dropped off in outer space when our baby got here. I was so concerned with delivery, I never gave thought to what I would do with baby at home! haha

Our pedi is the one who suggested we get him in his crib at 3 weeks and get him on a routine. Best thing we ever did.

It will happen for you. You can do it!!

lisac1017

Ditto PP that states you are not alone.  I could have written this post, and my LO is only 3 weeks and I'm getting stretches of sleep that are less than an hour at night sometimes.  Wish I had answers for you, and could take the advice myself, but just wanted to send you some support and know you are not alone. 

One thing I would highly recommend is making sure you're getting your nutrition in - I've found myself not eating breakfast until after 12pm and only getting 2 good meals in, and not hydrating enough.  For me, making sure I get enough meals (even if it's a chobani yogurt or handful of almonds on the run) and getting my veggies makes a huge difference in my mental state. Easier said than done with the schedule we have but it may help.   

apeyg

I know it can be overwhelming but you are actually very lucky that your baby sleeps that long. My first woke up every 2 hours until she was 9 months old. It was miserable, especially when I went back to work. We did everything to try to make her sleep and finally just realized shes not a good sleeper and there was nothing we could do. Now looking back that time actually went by fast and seems like so long ago. Anyways, be glad you are getting the sleep you are getting. It could always be worse and it will go by quickly. 

janinekrause

Ok. Here goes...

 

I PROMISE it gets easier. With my first, I was exhausted and depressed. With this one, I am going with the flow and happier.

Sleep deprivation for me was the hardest. So you need to rest. Try and nap when baby naps (at least once and you can do work other time). Second, can you ask hubby to do one feeding at night - or are you BFing? That will really help. Or at least on the weekends so you can get more sleep.

4-5 hour stretches are amazing at this age. DD slept from 9-2:30 last night and I was so happy. My first did 2-3 hour stretches at this age.  But it is interrupted if you have a loud kid like me. Consider moving them to their own room. Put on a monitor low so you will hear the crying but not the grunting. It will make a HUGE difference.

 I personally think babies will be babies and sometimes being obsessed about a schedule and it not working (which is very possible at this age) can make you batty. 

The only difference with this one is my level of stress and she is SO much easier than my first.

Lastly, not sure if financially possible but if you are trying to work AND care for a baby, that is really tough. Can you have someone (either paid) or family come over and take care of LO while you work for a few hours a day?

Breathe and get out without LO if possible- night, weekend, etc. 

res932

Right now LO does not sleep in his crib but in his Rock and Play in our room. I have thought about starting the transition but am afraid of him not being in the same room, although with the grunting and straining he makes it makes getting sleep difficult. He has reflux at night which also seems to bring on the grunting and straining for some reason. I have thought about giving formula at night to help him sleep longer but I am afraid that it will make the situation worse.

sap05e

I understand your pain. We moved DD to her own room at 4 weeks because my husband could not sleep with all her little noises. It really does help you sleep better. I have an angelcare monitor AND video monitor in her room. The video monitor helped me feel a lot more at ease with her being away from me. As for the night feedings - he is only 6 weeks old. I promise it will get better! They change so much every day. He will just all of a sudden start sleeping longer without you doing anything differently. The first time DD slept past 2 AM, I freaked out and actually woke her up! My suggestion is that if you're not doing a bedtime routine yet, start one. My LO knows when it's bed time and mommy better have her bathed, dressed, fed and in bed by then or else, lol.

ThelovelyMrsH

You are not alone! Do not underestimate the power of lack of sleep... I know that there is a huge difference in my mood and ability to handle things when I get a good stretch of sleep versus lots of interrupted sleep during the night. It's really the difference between me having a ton of patience, and breaking down crying!

There's a few things that we have done that have made things easier. One is that my DD has slept in her crib in another room from night one. She is also a grunter and moves around a lot. We have a monitor.. it took awhile for me to trust it, but it makes a HUGE difference by turning it down low enough so that I don't hear her little noises during the night, but do hear her crying when it's time to eat. Two is that we started establishing a bedtime routine. We turn off all the lights, t.v., etc. and make it as quiet as possible. Feed, change diaper, rock to sleep. It's getting easier each night. Three... accept that this too shall pass. Yes, it sucks! My DD was going 4-5 hour stretches of uninterrupted sleep for about a week... and then suddenly, she was back to 3 hour stretches. It's so frustrating and I'm exhausted! But she's still so new and trying to figure things out. It WILL get better. I'm Type A too and I totally understand the constant struggle to be routine/on a schedule/get things figured out and settled down so life can return to normal. Think of it as a lesson in letting go and just rolling with the punches. We Type A's could certainly use a little flexibility in our lives, don't you think?

Lastly, take a break from it all and get some exercise or get out of the house without the baby. It makes a ton of difference for me. Hand your baby off to your SO and go grab some coffee with a friend, or just go to the mall and walk around, or go to the gym. That is my sanity saver some days!

tinydancingqueen

Be lucky you LO doesn't have reflux or colic - mine is at 9 weeks and still has to sleep more than a 3 hour stretch and when he is asleep he is making grunting and crying noises constantly due to his discomfort with the reflux.  The other night he was up every 2 hours on the dot from 7pm to 8am, and every feeding requires us to hold him up for 30 min afterward to prevent the milk from coming back up.  It could be a lot worse for you, believe me!  I would love for my LO to sleep 4-5 hours!!!  Put your situation in perspective and be grateful!!

guccikat

Reading your post reminds me of exactly how I felt when DD was about 5 weeks.. There were a few nights I starting crying at 4am because I was so tired, and there were nights that I found myself frustrated when she kept crying at midnight.  

How did I cope? Smile. Sometimes when I got frustrated I would give her a kiss on the forehead and cuddle her.  It seems sometimes that baby feels your frustration and they get even more fussy so I tried very hard to keep calm.  Also, babies that young are very simple, they cry if she is sleepy, hungry, or gassy (Well, for DD), so I try and focus on making her feel better and that actually diverts my attention to caring for her and takes the frustration away. I always tell myself that it sucks for her too because she can't tell me what's wrong.

Also, DH takes the night shift once a week so that gives me a night of relatively good sleep - for me that just means 4-5 hours of uninterrupted sleep on our bed instead to a recliner in DD'S room as I got her to sleep in the crib since 2 weeks

 DD is 8 weeks now and it has gotten better,  she is sleeping for 4-5 hour stretches and we are starting a routine.  I know 4-5 hours seems very little compared to other LO on this board, but thats already an extra hour for me.  Keep positive! It does get better quickly