PG with a toddler while DH is deployed? — The Bump
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PG with a toddler while DH is deployed?

DH is deploying soon and we're considering having another baby. DS would be ~14 months when he returns. Have any of you been PG and dealt with a toddler by yourself? Is it as hard as everyone says? Or is it easier because you only have one other person to take care of? I'm thinking less laundry, dishes and not having to cook as much, plus you can let the housework slide, would make it easier. Am I right?
BFP: 10/12/10 (EDD 6/22/10) m/c 10/30/10 @~ 7 weeks, natural

BFP: 2/5/11 EDD: 10/15/11 DS Born 10/8/11

BFP: 4/24/12 EDD 12/31/12 DS#2 Born 12/17/12

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Re: PG with a toddler while DH is deployed?

  • Eh, I don't think that it would be easier.  I was really sick with DD2 and I needed DH's help with diaper changes among other things (solid food poop + bad morning sickness is not a good combo).  I was exhausted during my first tri and would sometimes nap twice per day with DD1.  I'd start feeling awful again in the evening and was so greatful that DH was home to play with DD1.  Towards the end of my pregnancy, it was exhausting to go anywhere.  Getting her in and out of the car seat, going up and down stairs, and just carrying her around was fatiguing --- she's on the light side too.

    It's hard on your body being pregnant back to back, IMO, and I was in good shape and worked out throughout my pregnancy.  If you are dead set on having 2u2, go for it.  There are lots of pluses to having two kids close together, but having a little less housework and being able to make easier dinners do not make up for not having an extra set of hands.

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  • Dh has missed most of this pregnancy and will be deploying before she is born. Being pregnant on your own is hard but not impossible.  Thankfully I have had an uneventful pregnancy but couldn't imagine what I would have done on my own if there had been complications.

    What would happen if you were put on bed rest?  Do you have anyone that could come take care of DS?  What will you do when LO is born.  If you have to have a c-section who will help with recovery.

    Unless you have a lot of support and people that would be willing to stay with you, I would say wait. However the decision is up to you and your husband.

    "Compare, where you are to where you want to be, and you'll get nowhere" ~Sara Bareilles




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    BFP #2: 9/1/2011, Lilliana Jacqueline born 5/9/2012

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    BFP #1:3/4/11, Blighted Ovum Dx: 3/31/11, D&C: 4/1/11


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  • We're weighing the same decision right now. When DH finished his current assignment (this summer) he's looking at ~8 months TDY for training and then a 6 month deployment. When he returns from all that, DS will be wish so if we get PG right away they will be almost 4 years apart. To me, that's too big of an age gap. The alternative is trying to get PG in the next few months and having DH miss most of the pregnancy and the first 6 months of LO's life. 

    In your position because your LO is younger than mine, I think I'd wait but in my scenario I've almost decided to go for it. DH's career field is such that he will be home for 6 months and gone for 6 months in rotation for the foreseeable future. No matter when we have #2, he will miss something. That's life. To me, there's no real difference between doing it now and doing it then, except that this 1-time training makes this separation longer than the ones that will come after it.  

    ETA: I had an uneventful pregnancy with DS and can't foresee any reason that I would have complications in a second pregnancy. However, if something were to come up, MIL  can retire any time she likes and has told me that she would do it in a heartbeat to help me take care of DS. It's important to have  back-up just in case. 

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  • Thankfully I grew up in the area and my entire family still lives here. I can stay with my parents for a week here and there and the last 3 weeks of the pregnancy if I need to. My mom would be with me in the delivery room and someone can watch DS. DH's mom would also be willing to come out and help me.

    I had an uncomplicated/uneventful pregnancy last time, so hopefully the next one will be the same way. DH was in the field for 3 weeks a couple of times in my last trimester, and i was fine, just lonely.

    I'm trying to talk to people and do as much "research" as I can before we TTC to see if this is something we really want to do. Unfortunately the internet can't make the decision for us, but I'm trying to gather as much info as I can.

    We're both of the mindset of we want to be out the baby stage and not having little kids/PG for years. This situation isn't ideal, but I don't want our kids to be 3+ years apart. I hate that the military gets to dicate when we hav our kids, but that's just reality.

    BFP: 10/12/10 (EDD 6/22/10) m/c 10/30/10 @~ 7 weeks, natural

    BFP: 2/5/11 EDD: 10/15/11 DS Born 10/8/11

    BFP: 4/24/12 EDD 12/31/12 DS#2 Born 12/17/12

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  • I say do it! But I'm biased because that's what I'm doing, at least unofficially. My husband has some training to change his MOS in March and then leaves in May so we just aren't preventing and seeing what happens. I was pregnant when he left last time, he took leave for the birth and it just worked out.

    But I'm also moving back in with my grandma while he's gone and my parents are two blocks away...so I have lots of support and back up plans.

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  • I definitely wouldn't say it would be easier.  My husband deployed when I was 7 months pregnant with our DD and came home in November, when she was five months old.  I got through it okay because I had a lot of support from family - that's something you'll want to consider - do you have friends and family nearby or could they come help you out if you needed it for an extended period of time?  It's true, there's no worrying about cooking meals and having the house spotless every day, but I don't know that that would be enough to tip the scale for me...  Since I only have one baby, I'm not sure about being pregnant and handling a toddler.  It probably depends a lot on your toddler and how much work your son takes.  Be expected to be sick a lot - even if you weren't with your first pregnancy.  I would have a plan for what to do if you're unable to take care of your toddler those first weeks of pregnancy due to morning sickness.  If you feel you can do it, then you probably can :)  Military wives are the strongest people I know!
    Marine wife to one of the few and the proud & mama to our Olivia Adelaide - born June 2011.
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