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Success after IF
MayDayGirl
member
mommie's tell me why it's worth it.
MayDayGirl
member
I am SO excited to meet my baby but also a little freaked about how hard/tiring it will be. So tell me what is so fabulous about being a mom!! And why it is worth it to you.
Married on 3.20.2004. It took 30 month, 2 failed adoptions and IVF for our first miracle. We have had 9 foster kids since he was born and started the domestic adoption process when he was 10 month old, we had 4 failed matches in that time. After our daughter was born we brought her home and spent 2 weeks fearing we might lose her because of complications that came up. But Praise God all went through and she is ours forever! Expecting again after IVF
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Re: mommie's tell me why it's worth it.
- The first time your baby sees you and smiles, because he knows you are his Mommy.
Gets me every time, still!
- For the quiet times, when you are rocking him and looking into his eyes and he is staring at you, as if you are everything to him (which you are)
-For the times when you and your husband can't help but laugh, because he sticks his little lip out so far in a pout
-For the sweet relief you feel when your little one is safely asleep in his crib, knowing that you have a few blissful moments to take a shower, knowing all the while that he will need you again, soon, and knowing that you are the one best suited to care for him...
Oh my goodness it is SO worth it! I too shared your fears and I think being so worried allowed me to enjoy him more (which sounds strange). I was so worried that I constantly played worst case scenario in my head.
Just knowing how much my son needs me is so amazing. I felt so empty going through IF and I now feel so complete (cheesy I know). Watching him grow and learn is just incredible and I love getting to know him better bit by bit everyday.
The first time your baby smiles is amazing (even if it is involuntary). Last week he was falling asleep and giggled for the first time and it was the sweetest sound I have ever heard.
There are days when I get tired and a little stressed but I think about how badly I wanted him and how lucky I am that he is here and I can hold him and talk to him and kiss his little head. It is just so hard to describe. The love I have for my son is so deep. And there are so many times when I never thought this would happen and here it has. I just stare at him in disbelief and am amazed and thankful that God has blessed us with this amazing gift.
it's just a feeling you get very early on... something you can't explain - you'll know when your baby is here.
but of course- a 10000 other reasons - like how soft your baby's cheek will feel against yours... the little coos you'll hear.... how fast baby will stop crying when you pick him/her up - makes you feel good...
then later on- hearing them laugh, watching them learn new things, hearing them say "Mama"... it really never ends!
Yeah, everything Skoorb said.
I am happier than I've ever been. More tired than I've ever been, too, but it's all so worth it when they smile at you. It seriously melts your heart. My girls haven't started giggling yet, but I know that when they do that will also melt my heart.
But as had been said many, many times before- cherish every moment, even the ones where all you want is for him to sleep, they grow way too fast!
I've been sick and moaning all morning and not myself. My 2 year old keeps coming up to me at saying "don't worry mommy" and "I love you mommy" and patting me sweetly. I'm so tired and feel so sick and my back is throbbing, yet, she makes me melt and I realize I can do this!?
So, you will be tired, you will be overwhelmed and you will get sick and may not have back up always (my husband would normally stay home to help me but he's trying to wrap up a project before #2 arrives). But their sweet faces, coos, giggles all make up for it! I SWEAR!
Try to not worry about the what ifs and enjoy - I'm really bad following this advice, but, I try!
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It is exhausting. It's dirty. It's frustrating. It's emotionally draining. It's expensive. It's also amazing, miraculous, inexplainable love.
At first it's really, really hard and you're going to question why you wanted this so badly. But then your baby will smile at you one day and all the exhaustion feels so worth it. You realize that you would swim to Austrailia to see that smile again. Then you hear him laugh. Your heart will melt right out of your chest. Then he'll grab onto your shirt when you put him down because all he wants is to be held by you. Again, your heart...totally melted. Then you see him start interacting with your DH and not only does your heart melt for the love between Bob and Joey, but you also fall in love all over again wtih Joey everytime he makes Bob smile.
It's more worth it than words can say. Although I've been up since 2am and I'm trying to be creative in my job and I'm exhausted and just want to sleep...I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. It's worth it to get to see that little 1/2 Rachel, 1/2 Joey. :-)
The kicker for me was this:
When we brought Allison home I use to pat her on the back to calm her. Now that she is older when i pick her up she pats me on the back...it makes all the nights we were up patting her back so worth it because i know she felt loved....and it is now her way of showing love back
Good luck...
The first 3 months are hard, there's no getting around it. BUT - your baby will smile at you and you will melt. You hear that first giggle and coo and your heart fills with sunshine. They touch your face with their little hands while you are rocking them to sleep and yes - you feel complete. You are this little person's whole world, and you know that you will do anything and everything to keep them safe, healthy and happy. I love getting to know them better as they grow and develop such distinct personalities and I develop a special relationship with each of them. Being a Mom just gets better and better and better every day.
I'll share a moment I had the other night with my DS Robie. He's cutting his 2 bottom teeth and has had trouble going to sleep at night where he used to go down no problem. I had been rocking him for 1/2 an hour and finally thought he was asleep so I could eat dinner. I put him in his crib and he immediately woke up and I wanted to cry I was so tired and hungry. He rolled on to his back, picked up his lovey and started playing peek-a-boo with me and giving me this huge grin while blowing bubbles. I started cracking up. Dinner could wait - my son needed more time with his Mom.
Have you every had someone who worshipped the ground you walk on and wanted nothing more than to be with you always? Have you ever been the center of someone's universe? The only one who can make a person smile? ...you will be!
That and she laughs at my jokes.
There a million things but I'll try to keep it to just a few...I spent all of pregnancy thinking mommyhood would be a "certain way", and in some ways it isn't anything like I thought - it's better! In those most frustrating/tiring/exhausting moments, I remind myself of these things:
When DD was teeny-tiny and would stretch her arms and legs out and place her hands by her chubby little face in an expression of angelic peace and calm....
When she laughs that deep belly laugh and squeals in delight because I have done something silly...
When she figures something out and the recognition of it is on her face, like how to open and close the kitchen drawers...
When I pick her up at the sitter's and she smiles the second she sees me smiling at her...
When she lays her head on my shoulder or reaches her arms out for me...
When she falls asleep in my arms (or on my chest when she was itty-bitty)...
When we are at church and she raises her hands up during music worship...
I could go on and on....I am constantly amazed by the miracle our Grace is, and the grace God showed us by sending her to us. The second you see Bob for the first time, you will never be the same...
It's really really hard and no matter how much you love your baby(s), you are going to miss some you time BUT when your baby looks at you and really smiles at you and only you, looks you right in the eyes and coos, the snuggles in bed on a cool morning...I could go on and on. Again, really hard but you do what you have to do because its all worth it.
Our beautiful son was born July 2008.
2010: 2 IVF's,1 FET = 2 BFN's, 1 c/p
Feb 2011-Unmedicated FET= BFP!! DS #2 born Oct 2011!!.
Its hard at first...very very hard. But once they start to know who mommy is and shes the only person that can confort them..thats the best. Those sweet baby smiles in the morning get me everything as well. My girls are my world there is NOTHING that can even describe my love for my children, its worth it bc now I honestly can say I have something in my life that I really would die for. They are my joy, my peace, my hope, my heart - they are from God and that is what makes me smile the most....God wanted me to have them....wow....just wow.
"I have four children. Two are adopted. I forget which two. -Bob Constantine
"All for Love,' a Saviour prayed 'Abba Father have Your way. Though they know not what they do...Let the Cross draw men to You...."
2 infertiles' journey to 2 pink lines (and a baby girl)
"our IF story"
It's worth it when they look at you and smile.
The first couple months were ROUGH, and I would cringe everytime I heard Haylie start to cry in the middle of the night, but that feeling changed the minute I would pick her up and she would stop.
You'll get through it, just like we all did
When it's something you've wanted and waited for for so long, there's no feeling in the world like it.
When you see him for the first time, you can't believe you can love someone so much already.
When he smiles at you and knows who you are, you feel so lucky.
When you're rocking at 2 in the morning and it's just you and him, you can't believe how God could give you someone so special.
Whenever he does something new...says mama, crawls, sits up, walks, hugs and kisses you, you think you can't get any more excited until he does something new again, and you're just as excited.
Having a baby does change everything....it makes you wonder what you did before he came along and how you ever got along without him.
Eric and I are pathetic. We stay up at night looking at pictures at Nate - Why you may ask? Because we already miss him when he's gone to bed!
The love is immense and all encompassing.
I love his toes....his big chubby cheeks....the way he smiles when I sing Baby Beluga.....I love when his hands do something crazy and it completely surprises him....I love his little hands...especially when they tuck under my shirt when he's nursing.
He's my sweetheart.
You just wait...Bob is going to melt your heart!
Can I just tell you that I mentally prepared for the worst before I had Lilly. I was convinced I would have a colicky baby, I thought I would be depressed after she was born, I was so afraid of the Brooke Shields thing and thought I wouldn't bond with her, I pictured myself crying alot, I thought I'd never get the baby to breastfeed properly, etc..... I WAS WRONG!!! About everything! Not to say that fears of having a child are unwarranted, b/c they are. It's not always easy but the best of being a mom hugely outweighs the difficulty. Also, the old saying about "it's easier with your own"...is SOOO true. I seriously was unaffected by Lilly when she cried..I just wanted to cuddle her even more. Okay, enough of my "talk you down" speech. Here are the reasons I LOVE being a mom:
*The sweet, powdery fresh smell of your baby's head. Investigating every detail of your brand new baby's body after s/he's born and then looking into their eyes and thinking "I made you, I love you and you are all mine".
*Waking up from a deep sleep and hearing this word for the very first time "Maaaa ma". I've never leapt out of bed so happy and eager before!
*Quiet times rocking your baby to sleep and just absorbing every teeny tiny little magical thing they do while they are sleeping.
*The many times your toddler says "please", "thank you" or "mommy, I want to hold you..." and "I love you, mommy".
*The incredibly hysterical things your "baby" does or says that you just HAVE to share with everyone and anyone that will listen.
*Knowing that your "baby" feels the most safe and secure when they are with you.
I could go on and on and on and on, Rach! You are going to LOVE it and you are going to be an unbelievable mommy! If you have some frustrations (and you will) just be reassured that every mommy on this board and every mommy in the free world has had the same frustrations you have..and you are NOT alone..ever.
I hardly ever said "i'm tired" and you will rarely hear me complain, because when I go to complain, I simply think of my dear friend who is going on 2 years of ttc.
It's worth it because Brynlee is dancing now and it's freakin hilarious.
I love it because she cries FOR ME, when I leave.
I feel like a million bucks because she's my biggest fan
It's not as hard as I anticipated. You just go day by day. It keeps gettin better.
I have the advantage of reading through all these before answering and I'll try not to be repetative.
When you struggling w/ IF, you almost forget why you're doing it. You just want to beat it.
When you're pregnant, you're all of a sudden focused on each dr appt and the unknown delivery.
Then your baby comes and YOU ARE MOM. Those first few moments when you're holding your naked baby to your chest create a welling of emotion that I can't put into words. There are some really tough, tiring moments in those first few months but it only takes a moment to have them all erased - here's one of mine.
We were at my ils cottage in Michigan and Luke (4mos at the time) was having a hard time napping. So I just took him out on the lzboy and rocked him (not something I have the luxury of doing that often w/ twins). He fell asleep on my shoulder w/ his face toward me. His eyelids were fluttering and mouth agap - I was overtaken with the amount of love I had for him (and his brother) and was reminded that so many prayers had been given in the hopes that we could be a family. I started tearing up and then I thought, God knew I was going to have this moment. He knew I could never forget his faithfulness and I started crying - poor dh had to get me Kleenex
. Oh, and I leaked BM BIG TIME.
Rachel, it's totally normal to be freakin' out a bit but like me, you've had some wonderfully answered prayers to get here. Those won't stop when Bob gets here and He never stops. You're golden