ugh...all family at the airport for homecoming? — The Bump
Military Families

ugh...all family at the airport for homecoming?

my in laws (mil, FIL and step mother in law), dh's siblings, all want to go to the airport (which is 3 hrs away by the way) to welcome him home from his deployment.

He doesnt want to tell people NOT to come, but knows they will all come. His coworkers will all be there too. He went on his own for the deployment so no giant homecoming of a big troop. Just a domestic flight with hubby onboard.

I tried to tell him I wished it would just be us, but he said he didnt want to stop people who want to see him,  but that he would give his attention to his wife and kids. I was worried about MIL hoarding in with her stupid tears and big emotional outbursts.

I would really love for it to JUST be me, and my two boys. Considering the baby really only knows his daddy from skype. argh!!!!

another tib bit is he wont have the stress of returning from a war zone because he did part of his tour overseas but has been stateside for some time now.

what did you do for your homecoming?  Am I being stupid?

 

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Re: ugh...all family at the airport for homecoming?

  • This same thing happened to me last time. We got a two second hug then people were stealing him from us. While I felt like he was so close but so far it sucked.

    Next time I just want it to be us and meet everyone else after somewhere.

    Congrats on your homecoming!!! Don't let them steal your moment!!  

     

  • Well, we haven't done the homecoming yet. But, we've made plans for it. My husband is going to be home in the spring and we're planning on it being just us (me and our three kids) at the airpot. Then, the next day or weekend, we will have a welcome home gathering of sorts with family. We really feel it will be in our immediately family's best interest to just have time to be a familiy of 5 again initially. Does this mean my MIL  is happy with our decision? That woule be NO. But, I can't make everyone happy all the time.
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  • I agree with the PP about having them meet you somewhere else.  I think that it should just be you and the boys at the airport. 

    Granted we don't have any family near by (so there's always a small adjustment period when they come to visit), but I want it to be just the four of us for at least a few days after DH returns.  Having daddy return is going to be enough of an adjustment for the girls.  They are our main priority, so the rest of the family can wait.

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  • Tell them you want the airport homecoming to be just you and the kids. They can wait at the house for their homecoming with him. If that doesn't work, don't give them his arrival information. If they don't know when he is coming, they can't be there, right?
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  • When he came home last time the whole family showed up. His mother cried because we wouldn't let her stay at our place. At the time we had a two bedroom apartment. He had been gone a long time. We didn't want her next door.

    This time he told them before he left that they are not to come until called and invited. He said he wanted at least a week maybe two to spend with me and DD. His mom is not going to be happy when homecoming day comes. She will be a poor mistreated mom.

  • I've been lucky that at every homecoming it has just been me waiting for my husband (at both the pier x2 and at the airport x1).  For the first 3 years (and a deployment each year) we were stationed on the opposite coast as the rest of our family.  It turned out to be somewhat nice in that his family couldn't make it to homecomings.  I like the advice that someone above posted... have the family wait at your house.  That way it's just you and your kids at the airport.  :o)  Good luck and happy homecoming!!!

    TTC since Jan 2011

    Proud Navy Wife

  • We've done three deployments.  So far, our homecomings have been just us (the two of us for the first two deployments and then our kids and us for the third).

    We feel that being more private and having some "just us" time after a deployment is important.  We usually go see his family (parents and brothers) within two or three weeks.  But the early days are private family time.

    Luckily, his family is very understanding and encourages this time.  I think you need to do what makes you and your husband happy - not his family, co-workers, friends, etc.  Some people love having the masses at their homecomings and some don't.  There is no "right" or "wrong" way. 

    Be honest with your DH.  Hopefully you guys can come to a good compromise.

     

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  • I don't think you're being silly at all. IMO, a homecoming is very private. I'm not sure how to get around your situation, but I wouldn't deny my in-laws his incoming information if he hasn't told them directly not to come. I really feel like that's something that he'd need to do and not you. It sounds as if that would cause an undo amount of tension and hostility between you and them. I think it would be a great idea, like the pp said, to have everyone else meet at a separate location. That's reasonable and fair. Maybe ask YH to choose somewhere he'd like to greet everyone and then you and the boys can have a moment with him at the airport. GL!
  • DH has been on 4 deployments. Every homecoming was home to just me. Luckily I never had to say anything, his family was just respectful of the fact that I am the wife. But I am also respectful of the fact that he is still their son, too. So although I'm the only one there in that very first moment. The rest of the family usually made the trip to come see him the following weekend or something.

    So, no, I don't think you're being stupid. Does he not want YOU to say anything, either? Or does he just not want to say something himself? Because if he's okay with you saying something, perhaps you should arrange for a welcome home party for his family and coworkers and everyone to attend when he gets home from the airport. 

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  • homecomings are only me and it will always be this way (unless we have kids and they can come too)

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  • It would bother me.  I'm thankful my ILs haven't considered doing that yet (which really surprises me).  I wouldn't mind if they came down to visit a couple days later though. 
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  • Yeah that homecoming is close enough to be planning!!! Congrats on making it this far!!! I hope that he is in your arms soon!

    Something to keep in mind is that your ILs and his co-workers are going to have to wait for him outside of security. As his spouse and children, you can get gate passes to go meet him as he gets off the plane. Take your military ID to the airline counter and ask for gate passes to meet your redeploying husband. That buys you time and space from the family and co-workers!

    As for his family. . . I know it's tough. Having to share his time and attention when he's been gone for so long is hard. But they love him and have missed him, too. I think about how I would feel if my son were returning from deployment and I was told that I was not permitted to welcome him home. I think that if you give a little bit on this, it will work out in your favor. Let them know that they have to stay in a hotel. They will be waiting outside security to welcome him home. Depending upon the time of day he lands, you could invite them over later in the day (unless he lands late in the day). The next day, you could meet up for breakfast or lunch and spend some time together, then send them on their way, with an invitation to come visit again in a few weeks or plans to go see them.

    I really think that if you give them a little time at the beginning, they will respect your request for the much needed time to reconnect and settle in as a family of four under one roof. They are his family, too. And, from what you said, your DH is not opposed to them being there. By giving them time at homecoming, it relieves the pressure to have to make time for them sooner rather than later. Granted, this advice presumes that, for the most part, your DH's family are not crazies (tears and emotional outbursts aside) and you have a decent relationship with them.

    Best of luck! I hope it all works out!!!
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  • I know the feeling - my MIL is prone to emotional outbursts and tears... she tries to make things all about her.  When DH returns back to the states, particularly the state we live in, I'll likely go to pick him up by myself and let DH's parents keep LO for a bit so that DH and I can have some alone time before we reintroduce LO to him, since LO really doesn't know him except from Skype - the last time DH saw LO in person, LO was a month old.  With DH's parents keeping LO, that helps them "feel important" because they're "helping" and I get alone time with DH.  I see it as a win-win situation. 

     So there's this boy. He kinda stole my heart. He calls me "Mom"

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  • You could meet him at his gate. Last time I was at the airport the lady at the ticket gate let me take DH to his gate (past security) as long as I showed my military ID.  She said that any time he is flying for military reasons that I could tell them and get a pass to get through security. That was it could at least give you a few minutes before everyone else?

      Honestly I would request that no one come to the airport.  It would just be too overwhelming.  If they are wanting to see him immdeitly why not have them plan a party that they can put together while you pick up DH from the airport.  That way you can get a couple hours alone with him.

    "Compare, where you are to where you want to be, and you'll get nowhere" ~Sara Bareilles




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  • It's really important for your husband to have time with just you and the kids. I've heard you should have a week at home, without extended family, per month of deployment. So if he's been gone for 7 months, like mine usually is, you should take 7 weeks to adjust to each other before adding the stresses of relatives. It would be best if it comes from your husband, since it's his family - they'll probably take it better from him when he explains he needs time to reconnect to his children and wife. Hope things go well! Blessings!
    Marine wife to one of the few and the proud & mama to our Olivia Adelaide - born June 2011.
  • I wouldn't feel comfortable telling his family to stay away, so unless my H wanted it enough to tell them, it wouldn't happen.

    It's not like it's his WHOLE family, right? Just parents and siblings? I guess if my son was coming home after a deployment, I'd be a little offended if his wife didn't want me at the airport.

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