Why does everyone think I'm crazy?! (vent...kinda long)

jeng507

So a little background...DH and I got married in June 2011 and were originally going to wait to TTC til our 1 yr anniversary, but decided to start trying now after seeing how many issues our friends have had with getting pg. I am 29 (30 in May) and DH is 31 (32 in April).

My 2 BFF's know we are TTC and keep telling me that I'm crazy for "obsessing" over getting a BFP. They are both a year younger than me and live together in DC and neither of them have ever really had a long term boyfriend (not that that matters). We have had several mutual friends have babies and get pregnant lately.

I told the one BFF for that I really want this to happen and I have been temping and testing OPK's etc....the other one I did not mention this to, just told her we are actively TTC. 

Well, both of them keep saying I'm nuts and over analyzing this and I should just have fun and not get too crazy about it..."It will happen when it happens" Whatever! Well the other day BFF (that I did not mention the OPK's to) came over and was making fun of me and how I am nuts about temping and charting and said "Me and 'BFF #2' are so sick of hearing about people getting pg and their baby's! If you get pg we are just going to plan a ton of vaca's and go drinking without you". Then she went on to say she can't believe I bought "all that ovulation sh!t" So obviously they are talking about me behind my back because I never mentioned the OPK's to her.

I am just so hurt that they can't be happy for me! Its not like I am 21 and barely married and obsessing over having a baby...I am almost 30! We can't wait forever! I know they are in a different point in their life and don't get the whole TTC process and I know deep down they will be happy when I get the BFP but I just think it was really sh!tty of them to say they are going to plan a bunch of vaca's without me and making me feel like I am crazy. I know I might be going a little overboard for our (technically) first month TTC but what is wrong with me learning about my body and trying to plan it right?! 

Am I over reacting about this? I kinda want to say something to them about how they've upset me but I feel like if I do they will just talk about me more and how I'm "over emotional" What do you girls think?

[Deleted User]

I think your two friends sound kind of biitchy, personally. I don't think they sound like great friends if they can't support you in your decision to have a baby...instead of being happy for you that you are being proactive and trying to have a baby, they biitch about you? Either they are just jealous because you are married and working on your family, or they are just plain biitches.

You are not overreacting, they are NOT being there for you like friends should. I would definitely talk to them. Sorry you are having to go through this!

Adam&Eve07

Maybe you should start to distance yourself if it bothers you that much. You obviously don't have as much in common as you use to. At the very least I would talk to them and tell them how much their comments are getting to you. GL!

Westing18

I don't think you are overreacting at all.  I would be upset if my so called BFF would talk about me like that.  It is your choice and you are a grown adult.  Sounds like they might be a jealous that you have moved onto the married club and some day be in the mommy club.  Let them talk and maybe it is time for some new friends.  It happens to us all once we become mommies.  I lost a good amount of so called friends when I had my son but I have gained many new ones after I had some son.

beth9409

Your friends are being insensitive. I probably would just stop discussing TTC with them.

You are doing the right thing with temping and OPKs. It would be sad to not try that stuff and then find out that you weren't ovulating or had a luteal phase defect that a temp chart would show you.

Maybe your friends are just jealous because they're not at the same point you are in your life.

mrsadamc 05

And this is why you should never share with anyone your TTC plans.  

Sorry they're being shiity to you but I think the damage is done and you are going to have to just ignore them.   

rockinmathchic

I do not think you are overreacting.  There is nothing wrong with learning about your body when you have decided to TTC.

 And truthfully I do not think these two "friends" of yours are true friends.  I have been TTC for 7 cycles (6 timing intercourse).  One of my good friends (who is not married and not in the TTC frame of mind) asked me how I was doing one day because she sensed something was wrong.  I hadn't told her that DH and I were TTC so I broke down and told her everything.  She was not judgemental and actually listened and was very empathetic to my situation.

My opinion is those two do not deserve to have you as a friend.

novelblessings

I don't think you are overreacting. I have a few single girlfriends who are kind of the same way. They will make comments about being sick of people getting married and having babies. Although annoying, they are also somewhat bitter and jealous they haven't reached that point yet. I just spend less time with them bc I don't want to hear it.

I would suggest letting them know how you feel about their comments, spend less time with them, and just don't talk about TTC with them. This is why I'm not telling anyone about TTC; I already get comments without it known, I don't want more.

Jeilene

What a shame your friends are being mean and less than understanding.  I know where you are coming from as I myself am 30 going on 31 and I myself was obsessing over having a baby all 2010 and 2011!  You can love your friends for who they are and not talk to them about having a baby, or you can distance yourself because obviously you girls are not in the same place in life nor do you want the same things at this time.  Good luck, you will find that most of your "understanding" friends are on this site  Baby dust to you!!!

jeng507

Yea its really sad. I know that we are all in different points in our lives and may not have that much in common anymore but I never thought it would come in the way of our friendship.

I did have some issues with the one BFF when I got engaged...she somewhat stopped inviting me out with her but would still drunk dial me. It got to the point that I broke down during the one drunk dial and told her (while sobbing) that it really hurt me that she never invited me out anymore but I was still good enough to call and rub it in. She of course said I was over reacting and being too sensitive and that she wasn't not inviting me on purpose but just thought I was too busy with wedding plans. I was really upset about it and DH said she was being very immature and I needed to get over the fact that we are mature and growing up and its not all about going out and getting wasted anymore like college...I agree completely with him but it still upset me we are growing apart. ;(

TammyDoubleB

These girls are not good friends. I don't know if they are jealous of you, or their priorities are just a little off. Regardless, they sound really immature to me.

Ladylec

You are not crazy. Women do not magically get pregnant so you are not obsessing. You are doing a very normal thing by using OPKs and temping in TTC.

These women might have been your BFFs at one point, but they are now total b!tches. Just because they aren't at the same point in life as you does not give them the right to treat you like this. I have friends who are 22 and still in college, with no boyfriend and no plans on marriage or kids for another few years, and are excited for me and DH to start TTC (they don't know we are TTC now).

I think it is time to make some new friends. 

 

rrdiva1

Adam&Eve07:

Maybe you should start to distance yourself if it bothers you that much. You obviously don't have as much in common as you use to. At the very least I would talk to them and tell them how much their comments are getting to you. GL!

couldn't have said better!

kerryann22

You're definitely not overreacting. I would feel the same way! I think people are in a different mindframe when they're not in a serious relationship or married. I don't really discuss the fact that we are trying to conceive with many, but if I do, it's with my closest friends who are in a similar situation (ie married, pregnant or recently had a baby) just because they understand the stress of it all.

Though they may be your best friends, you might want to leave the whole TTC topic out of your convos with them. If they really aren't happy when you get a BFP, then they are not your true friends. 

saintpaulJess

I obviously don't know these girls, but I don't think it's necessarily that they're bad friends and super immature.  Although they ARE being insensitive.  They're just in a completely different stage of their lives right now, and don't really "get" how exciting and consuming TTC can be.

If you want to keep them in your life, just turn to others for TTC support.  If/when, these girls decide to have children someday, they might come to understand how you're feeling right now.  But at this point, I don't think they can.

jeng507

Yea I should have kept the TTC to myself, I was just so excited and they are (or were) my closest friends. I know they are happy for me but they just don't get it and I'm sure they don't even know how hurtful they are being. I think I'm going to stop bringing up TTC and if they bring it up I'm going to just tell them they really hurt me with their previous comments so I don't want to discuss it. 

Thanks for the support and telling me I'm not crazy or overreacting!  

kristykay123

I definitely wouldn't consider them friends.  I agree on the distance thing.  Then if they ask why you are being distant, be honest and say that is isn't necessary for them to act that way towards you just because you are excited about TTC. 

ChevelleRivers

Your first cycle is a scary / obsessive cycle - you're paying attention to all kinds of things you never had to before and it can become an all-consuming task. I made the mistake of sharing some of that information with a couple of very close friends who were not married and had never tried to have a baby.They chided me for not just "letting it happen." I didn't say anything, but it was definitely hurtful.

After that, I quit volunteering information. And, I only give short answers when they ask me about TTC. The fact is, people that haven't been through it don't have a clue what the realities are. Until a person actually takes the plunge themselves, TTC seems like an easy thing that will just "happen" when you're ready.

We are certainly responsible for being judicious about the information that we share, but our friends, I believe, have a responsibility to be kind and supportive. When I look back at my first cycle, I see fault on both ends.

Hang in there.

TammyDoubleB

saintpaulJess:

I obviously don't know these girls, but I don't think it's necessarily that they're bad friends and super immature.  Although they ARE being insensitive.  They're just in a completely different stage of their lives right now, and don't really "get" how exciting and consuming TTC can be.

If you want to keep them in your life, just turn to others for TTC support.  If/when, these girls decide to have children someday, they might come to understand how you're feeling right now.  But at this point, I don't think they can.

I think being this insensitive is absolutely considered being a bad friend, and...

jeng507:

Well the other day BFF (that I did not mention the OPK's to) came over and was making fun of me and how I am nuts about temping and charting and said "Me and 'BFF #2' are so sick of hearing about people getting pg and their baby's! If you get pg we are just going to plan a ton of vaca's and go drinking without you". Then she went on to say she can't believe I bought "all that ovulation sh!t" So obviously they are talking about me behind my back because I never mentioned the OPK's to her.

That is a really immature thing to say, IMO.

 

 

marchlady86

jeng507:

Yea I should have kept the TTC to myself, I was just so excited and they are (or were) my closest friends. I know they are happy for me but they just don't get it and I'm sure they don't even know how hurtful they are being. I think I'm going to stop bringing up TTC and if they bring it up I'm going to just tell them they really hurt me with their previous comments so I don't want to discuss it. 

Thanks for the support and telling me I'm not crazy or overreacting!  

 

Sometimes friends grow apart, & it hurts & you still want to remain friends especially if you've been friends for awhile, but sometimes you have to distance yourself. When I got engaged my "bff" never shared in my excitement & her bitterness & resentment set in & my whole bridal party ended up having a sit down w/ me abt it, they didnt want to upset me, but she basically made it difficult for them to plan showers, bacholerette party etc, I kept wanting to think she's happy for me despite her negative comments but actions speak louder than words, when your friends are happy for you, you will know & they will share in your excitement. It sounds like your very mature & sweet and you deserve the same from your friends

jeng507

marchlady86:

jeng507:

Yea I should have kept the TTC to myself, I was just so excited and they are (or were) my closest friends. I know they are happy for me but they just don't get it and I'm sure they don't even know how hurtful they are being. I think I'm going to stop bringing up TTC and if they bring it up I'm going to just tell them they really hurt me with their previous comments so I don't want to discuss it. 

Thanks for the support and telling me I'm not crazy or overreacting!  

 

Sometimes friends grow apart, & it hurts & you still want to remain friends especially if you've been friends for awhile, but sometimes you have to distance yourself. When I got engaged my "bff" never shared in my excitement & her bitterness & resentment set in & my whole bridal party ended up having a sit down w/ me abt it, they didnt want to upset me, but she basically made it difficult for them to plan showers, bacholerette party etc, I kept wanting to think she's happy for me despite her negative comments but actions speak louder than words, when your friends are happy for you, you will know & they will share in your excitement. It sounds like your very mature & sweet and you deserve the same from your friends

Aww thanks!! I agree I do need to distance myself from them for a while and that makes me sad to know we aren't as close of friends as we used to be, but you girls really did make me feel better! Thanks!! 

gplove94

Honestly I'd get new friends. Friends should support each other regardless if they're in the same place in their lives or not. 

kristykay123

gplove94:

Honestly I'd get new friends. Friends should support each other regardless if they're in the same place in their lives or not. 

Well said!

AGlaze

MrsNorry:

I think your two friends sound kind of biitchy, personally. I don't think they sound like great friends if they can't support you in your decision to have a baby...instead of being happy for you that you are being proactive and trying to have a baby, they biitch about you? Either they are just jealous because you are married and working on your family, or they are just plain biitches.

You are not overreacting, they are NOT being there for you like friends should. I would definitely talk to them. Sorry you are having to go through this!

This

NJMom050911

Yup My friends think I'm crazy too. But guess what, I'm making my family and don't really care what they think. But sometimes it's best to keep things to yourself so they just leave you alone. I hate when people think getting pregnant involves one night of sex without a condom. That might work for some but not for most.

kelnyc

They sound like immature skanks and I would stop being friends with them ASAP because they clearly can only think from their own perspectives and are completely oblivious to the fact that other people make different choices in life and that's perfectly ok.

Oceanbabe2012

I will tell you why this is.  They look at you and feel like they should be at the stage you are at.  They are jealous of the grown up life you have with your husband and are questioning why they are not married yet and having kids.  I say this because all my friends were married and had kids before me.  I never said those things to my friends, but sometimes I sure did think things like that.  I knew it was because I longed for what they had so I never made them feel bad about it.  That is why though.  If they are going to say mean things like that and not be supportive I would say things back like helloooo we are in our 30s and not getting any younger..its like I am 18 or something!  Maybe then they will think to themselves about why they feel this way and realize you are doing age appropriate things with your life.

sarah_e87

I don't think you're crazy. And there is NOTHING wrong with wanting to know what is going on with your body...I wish I had started sooner than I did. Maybe then, we would have sought help at the 1 year mark instead of it being almost 2 years before seeking help.

As for your friends, I think you and them are just in different parts of your life now, and you may want to distance yourself from them some. But you're a grown woman and can choose your friends for yourself.