April 2012 Moms
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[long] How to make her stop?

My mom has always bought everything. I never had to say more than just a quiet comment about something looking cute and she bought it. But as I got older I noticed how in debt she was and how we were barely making our bills and constantly tried to persuade her to stop buying unnecessary things [making me a "f***ing b**** who doesn't appreciate anything" multiple times]. As life works, I turned into the opposite of her. I like only buying things that I need and I love the security of knowing I have the money for my bills every month. I don't want my kids to turn out as frugal as me but I don't want them to have so many clothes that they don't have to do laundry for 3 months either [my life].

My problem now is that I don't know how to tell her "no" to stuff that she buys for Ethan. I know there are so many women out there who would be thrilled to have every single baby item bought for them, and I appreciate her getting items that we need but.... One example:: DH and I bought a crib. Then my mom bought us a pack'n'play, a bassinet and a cosleeper. ... Okay maybe a crib and a cosleeper makes sense, but do women need all 4?

And she just commented on my facebook "My mom just told me that her and my grammy had to stay in the hospital longer because they didn't even have an outfit for my mom to wear home! Ethan will have 100s to choose from! :)

Hundreds? She's serious, she actually has bought hundreds of outfits. I don't want hundreds of outfits...

But saying that sounds SO unappreciative and I get that...

DH and I want to be able to experience the excitement of buying stuff for our first baby but when I told her that she said "yall don't need to be spending money when I have everything already." She texts me almost every single day with something new she bought.

This post probably doesn't make a lot of sense. It's really hard to explain the situation without sounding like someone who gets everything handed to them and then complains, but I honestly believe my mom has a problem. :/

I guess I'm just looking for feedback... 

Re: [long] How to make her stop?

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    imagemorganhamilton516:

    My mom has always bought everything. I never had to say more than just a quiet comment about something looking cute and she bought it. But as I got older I noticed how in debt she was and how we were barely making our bills and constantly tried to persuade her to stop buying unnecessary things [making me a "f***ing b**** who doesn't appreciate anything" multiple times]. As life works, I turned into the opposite of her. I like only buying things that I need and I love the security of knowing I have the money for my bills every month. I don't want my kids to turn out as frugal as me but I don't want them to have so many clothes that they don't have to do laundry for 3 months either [my life].

    My problem now is that I don't know how to tell her "no" to stuff that she buys for Ethan. I know there are so many women out there who would be thrilled to have every single baby item bought for them, and I appreciate her getting items that we need but.... One example:: DH and I bought a crib. Then my mom bought us a pack'n'play, a bassinet and a cosleeper. ... Okay maybe a crib and a cosleeper makes sense, but do women need all 4?

    And she just commented on my facebook "My mom just told me that her and my grammy had to stay in the hospital longer because they didn't even have an outfit for my mom to wear home! Ethan will have 100s to choose from! :)

    Hundreds? She's serious, she actually has bought hundreds of outfits. I don't want hundreds of outfits...

    But saying that sounds SO unappreciative and I get that...

    DH and I want to be able to experience the excitement of buying stuff for our first baby but when I told her that she said "yall don't need to be spending money when I have everything already." She texts me almost every single day with something new she bought.

    This post probably doesn't make a lot of sense. It's really hard to explain the situation without sounding like someone who gets everything handed to them and then complains, but I honestly believe my mom has a problem. :/

    I guess I'm just looking for feedback... 

    I don't really have any advice or what not, but my MIL is the same way. Seriously, thanks to her we hardly have anything left on our registry. Haha. I love that she is just as excited about this grandbaby as she was for the previous 5(DH has two older siblings who have children), but like you my MIL has a serious debt issue. I can't even begin to describe how grateful we are, but I worry about how her wallet is handling all this.   

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    My mom is very similar...she and my dad support themselves, plus my 22yr old handicapped brother, all while watching their house fall apart and not being able to fix it because they have to pay 100% of their health insurance for all three of them. And still she bought us a bunch of baby stuff for Christmas and then gave us $300 for the $200 crib we wanted. Every birthday she gives us a very large check despite how many times I've reminded her DH and I are doing very well and don't need help. No matter what I do she insists even though I know she needs that money. I've taken to using that money to buy her things she needs and giving them to her as gifts.

    Would your mom respond to telling her that you want to make sure other people have things to buy for the baby too? Or try to tell her you are running out of storage space? I know with my mom, if I approach subjects too head on, she pushes back and gets offended...instead I continuously slip comments in about her budget and needs, etc in between light hearted conversation. Somehow this eventually gets her to think about these things "on her own" and then she starts to see what I'm saying without getting offended.

    Good luck!
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    It's not ungrateful when your concern is for your mom's financial situation and spending when there isn't money to spend.

    She's going to do what she's going to do regardless of what you say, but if you have doubles / are running out of storage insist that she return some things. 


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