Preschool moms-did I do the right thing? Long

amy05-04

My son is not quite 3 yet, he will be on 11/13.  I enrolled him in preschool in March and the "only requirement" was he had to be potty trained, but he could enroll for this fall because he would be 3 before the end of the year.  I always thought the 1st year of preschool was a lot of play, apparently not.  Starting from the first week, we got the "maybe he's not ready" speech from his teacher.  I went back and forth about taking him out in September.  All my friends and family thought I was being too hard on him and he would adjust.  He did improve, but he still had some issues like when he doesn't want to do something sometimes he will lay on the floor and refuse to get up.  Sometimes he will cry.  He also has a speech delay, so he doesn't express himself like maybe a normal 3 year old should.  But, again when I signed him up back in March he has been cleared by Birth To 3 and did not qualify for therapy so I kept thinking his speech would catch up by the time school started-never happened.  So last week I got the speech again and this time they said the kids were starting to make fun of him and they were misbehaving because they saw some of the things my son was doing.  I decided I couldn't do this anymore.  I didn't want him to be "that kid" who everybody talks about and I didn't think it was fair to the other kids that he was getting special attention so today I told the school we were pulling him out after Thursday.  Do you think I did the right thing?  DH thinks the teacher just didn't want to deal with him and she pushed me to take him out, but I have always thought his teacher was very nice and appreciated the extra attention she gave him.  I'm embarassed.  I cried this morning when I told her I was pulling him out.  I feel like I didn't do enough to prepare him for preschool or that I should have known he wasn't ready.  I work at home, so he has no other kids to play with except my 18 month old.  I want him to socialize and get a chance to get out of the house, but if I can't find anywhere that will take him-what can I do?  We live in a small town.  THere are no mother's mornings out or anything.  There is another program I am looking into that is run by the high school, but it is for 3-5 year olds and I worry it's just going to be the same for him.  Sorry, this is rambling and if you made it this far I appreciate it. 

oparcm

oh honey I feel your pain.  I'll tell you that my dd is a very bright, articulate child who will be 3 on 11/25.  I started her in preschool this year and she was fine the first two weeks of school.  And then it happened.  Apparently my dd does not lay on her mat during rest time (it is getting better but dd doesn't nap so she has to lay quietly for 30 mins) and then she doesn't always want to share (working on it).  We have never gotten the talk about not being ready but I have felt myself that maybe I put her in too early because she is very verbal and outgoing that maybe I put too much pressure on her.  I know that she does love school and as far as the academics, she is fine but she doesn't always like the rules.  And by chance do you know what I do for a living?  I'm a teacher!  So don't beat yourself up because I'm sure you are doing everything you think is the right thing.  I know that I feel that guilt because I have to work and dd has to go to preschool full time vs. part time and I think maybe that might be harder for her but......Anyway today her own teacher shared with me today that her daughter is on yellow (warning) almost every day and it is hard to be a teacher and have your own kid misbehave.  We laughed about it this morning because I guess she felt my pain. 

shouldbeworkin

I think it was the wrong school for him and I think you did the right thing.  YOu definitely do not want him to form bad opinions about school at a young age.  School should be fun for him right now. 

My DS is a little on the immature side and a late talker.  Being in PS did help him start to talk more.  He still has behavioral issues, but his teacher has assured me that she's seen it before and that it will get better.  But, his classroom goes from 2.5 y/o to 6 y/o.  So, when he started at 3 y/o, he was not so immature in comparison to the other young kids in the class. 

I hope you can find a better school that is a better fit for your DC.  GL!

what??

I think I have heard that it takes a good two months for some kids to adjust but if he is really having a hard time with it, you can pull him out and re-enroll him in Dec if you think he is ready then.  If not, he is still young and can start next year.  My DS will be 3 at the end of Nov and he started pre-school this year too.  So far, things seem to be going smoothy but he is the youngest in his class - I mean there is a kid 10 months older due to the cut-off date.  That is a HUGE difference - pretty much a year.  I think at this age even 3 months makes a difference but it's just they way they do it.  Many kids are not ready for pre-school when their b-days are so late in the year so do not beat yourself up.  I feel so bad that the other kids were making fun, I very sorry.  Your son will be fine.  BTW, my son gets speech too.  It's more articulation at this point for him but good for you for having him get the speech, it's a huge help.  I do however think it's important that you get your son to interact with more kids but I know that is hard if you don't have much around your area.  What about your local library?  I know by me there is a kids room and he can interact and play with the other kids there.  Also, I think the library teaches some rules, i.e., a place to speak quietly (or else we pick you up and we leave sort of thing).  Good luck to you.

Jen2004

I think you did the right thing. Just b/c you took him out doesn't mean he can't go back one day. You know your child and his limits. Don't let him know that you are sad that you pulled him out or make him feel sad about it.

It's really sad that the other children were making fun of him b/c of his speech or that he was going (From what I understand). I have kids that cry b/c they can't see Ms. Amy sometimes sh takes them with the speech student b/c she feels bad (LOL)

2 1/2 is alittle young to me, here in MI I have heard that Preschool is the new Kindergarten. Is ther a toddler group you can do instead? Same thing but more play and not as long. I had a preschooler that cried and cried and CRIED he was 2 1/2 when he entered. My other teacher and I talked to Mom and together we agreed that he was alittle young. So Mom did a Mom and Me toddler class that year he came back the next year at age 3 and WOW! What a difference! He was ready, a class leader, and he even comforted a little boy who was crying on his first day of preschool.

 

Littlejen22

I agree, wrong school.  Get a school that is more playbased.  Check out the church preschools even if they are not your church.  I am going to start my DS next year at 2 years 9mos and surely he will be acting like your DS at lease sometimes...and right now we are just starting the process for early intervention for speech, he qualified but has not started therapy.

kancell724

What were the reasons exactly that the teacher thought he wasn't ready from the first week? I have taught preschool and kids who have never been in school before typically act out in the beginning. Nothing you have described here would have been reason that I would have started saying that he wasn't ready. I'm sorry that you are upset and maybe you should give it a couple months and really work on socializing him. ?Take him to the park, hang out with other people who have kids. ?Also kids in preschool make fun of each other all the time and it changes daily. ?I wouldn't worry about him being the kid that is always made fun of. ?

amy05-04

Thank you all for the replies.  I know he will be fine, I think it's me that is having a harder time!  His teacher did say we could try again in the spring if I notice a change in him.  He will be getting speech therapy starting next month from the school district which I think will be a huge help.  And it is so true that there are a big age gap in his class.  There is one kid that was born in January and that is 9 months older than mine-that's a huge difference at this age.  Our library does offer some programs, but they are random.  And although it is obviously still bothering me enough to post, I do feel relief that I made a decision and hope to find something better for him.  You made me feel better, I'm glad I posted.  Thanks again!

julesandross

: (   Sorry your kiddo has had such a rough start to preschool.  I think you were right to sign him up and stick it out thus far.  I'm not sure I have any real advice, but I guess my initial thought is...does he seem to enjoy school, despite the fact that he's still working on the preschool routine/rules?  My one big thing for my DD, also 3, is that she enjoy school.  I just wanted a positive association with school and learning for her, really.  That was my number one goal, so if he's not enjoying it, that would be my biggest concern. 

A couple of other things...How often does he go? I was thinking, if he went two days a week, it might be a hard adjustment because there is a lot of down time between school days.  Maybe more days would be better, in terms of getting the swing of the routine.  It is just October, so if he's only going a couple days a week, school is pretty new to him.

I'm kind of surprised they mentioned that other children are making fun of him.  I think that is kind of overkill on their part.  Kids this age just kind of comment on what other kids are doing...for the most part, I don't think they are really "making fun".  It is their responsibilties as teachers to redirect the kids, not tell you he's being made fun of.   

 I think you should follow your instincts.  If you little one seems to enjoy school despite the bumpy transtion, and if he's getting the hang of it, albeit at his own pace, I'd want to keep him in, I think.  If he doens't seem to like it, and you feel like it's not a good fit, then maybe I'd pull him out for now and try to organize some playgroups with smaller numbers at your house, or do a class or two that can help him get some time with kids his age. 

You seem like you are really on top of things and a great mom.  Don't get discouraged.  I'm sure things will fall into place.  : )

what??

I should add and this may help you but a year before my son started pre-school, I put him in a separation class.  I would wait in the waiting room for an hour with the other parents while he played with the teacher and the kids in the other room.  I think this helped so much.  They started it slow where the parents were in the room and then after a couple of weeks we were in the waiting room.  Not sure if you have anything like that. 

amy05-04

kancell724- in the beginning it was typical things like not following directions, staying in line, sitting for story time.  He cried for a couple weeks when I left him in the beginning, but then he was fine.  She said he wasn't adjusting well in the beginning more than he was not ready, and thought it may take a little longer since he was younger, but she did give me a lot of encouragement when she did see improvement and he was having more good days than bad-I thought we were out of the woods.  Then last week we sat down again and she mentioned the kids making fun of him and causing behavior issues.  And also if he doesn't want to do an activity he still lays on the floor sometimes.  We have tried working on it at home and he always gets up for us, but won't for them and she has a bad back so can't lift him.  She asked me what I suggest and didn't know what else to do to make him stop.  And the communication issue has always made it harder.

marrymemylove

Personally I think no school should be forming opinions like that within the first week. I would run a mile from a school that did. I had a childcare centre tell me on day 4 that my son was too difficult for childcare and I had to stay home with him. They just didn't like that I had not made him CIO at 6 months "like any normal baby" as they put it. Run a mile.

DS is 2.5 and his daycare is very school like with free play sessions but also many sessions of abc and counting and learning of a more formal kind. He suits that kind of thing but not every kid does. Also it is par for the course that he still has tantrums and behaves like a toddler. He IS a toddler. So is a 3 year old! Any preschool that doesn't understand that is not very professional imho.?

amy05-04

julesandross- he goes Tues/Thursday 9-11:30 and you are right-Tuesdays were always harder after the weeked.  It seemed like he had better Thursdays.  I think he enjoys certain things about school, but it's hard for me to get a good read because he can't tell me everything about it.  He really enjoys the arts/crafts and the free play with kids, it's the structure he is having a hard time with which is understandable since he's never had it.  I was surprised they mentioned the kids making fun at that age, but they did say they just tell them to not worry about it and that he is younger so leave him alone.  I don't think the making fun was anything more than laughing. 

Purrrfect433

I think you absolutely did the right thing. Not because your child isn't ready for school(because I think he IS ready), but because that school is obviously not the right fit for him. I don't know how many options you have in your area, but check out a co-op if you have the chance. You will have to commit regular time to work at and for the school, but it's an amazing experience. They also tend to be a lot more forgiving of children who need extra attention to adjust. If you don't have a co-op available, find some schools that offer a class for children 2.5-3.5. He will be a better fit in a class with kids slightly younger and slightly older. Schools that lump them all together tend to have higher expectations for the younger kids which really isn't fair. GL!

julesandross

 I'm sure it will all work out, no matter which way you go.  If you decide to keep him in, he'll get into the swing of the routine, I'm sure.  Maybe you can switch him to 3 days (though, if I know cost and availability play a big part in that decision.)  if he stays, or start him at 3 days when he goes back if you decide to pull him for now.  I like the other posters' ideas about classes where he seperates from you if you decide to take him out.  Good luck!