Who should take LO to the bathroom?

vigurl

I am referencing this post:  https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/62197385.aspx

I will have to think about it this as I am not ready to come to a conclusion on this?

How do you feel? Should someone only of the same gender take your LO to the bathroom?  So boys with male daycare workers and girls with female daycare workers?  Would you take your kid out of the center if there was a male worker?  What gender bathroom should your child be brought to; the gender of the taker of the gender of the user?

Sunidaze

I am hoping that this is a bridge we will not have to cross with daycare.  They do not currently employee any males, and, if I recall correctly, I think each classroom has it's own little bathroom.  But honestly, in this day and age, I really don't think I would be comfortable with a male other than DH taking my child to the restroom (unless, say it is in daycare, and they do hire a male aide and of course he were to wait outside the door).  And I can almost certainly guarantee that DH would be even less comfortable with it.  I also think it is safe to say that DH will go out of his way to avoid the need to address this situation when out in public with Stella.

vigurl

Oh and I want to throw in my EXH was repeatedly assaulted by his babysitter ... a female.  So it does go both ways.  Hence the need for me to think about this. 

My DC does employ a male chef and at least 1 DC worker who I have seen in LO's class room.  My DC is a private school that does go up to 2nd grade I believe so men working there isn't too strange.

bunnymama625

I wouldn't mind a male teacher if they were taking a bunch of kids, but the one guy to one little girl in the mens room is over the line for me. Actually, I'd prefer the same thing with any teacher taking my kid to the bathroom.

I'd rather be paranoid than find out I SHOULD have been paranoid.

vigurl

bunnymama625:

I wouldn't mind a male teacher if they were taking a bunch of kids, but the one guy to one little girl in the mens room is over the line for me. Actually, I'd prefer the same thing with any teacher taking my kid to the bathroom.

I'd rather be paranoid than find out I SHOULD have been paranoid.

So you would not want a teacher (any gender) to take your child (any gender) to the bathroom alone?  Is that what you are saying?

IdigDirt

vigurl:

Oh and I want to throw in my EXH was repeatedly assaulted by his babysitter ... a female.  So it does go both ways.  Hence the need for me to think about this. 

My DC does employ a male chef and at least 1 DC worker who I have seen in LO's class room.  My DC is a private school that does go up to 2nd grade I believe so men working there isn't too strange.

Omg that is horrible. I didn't really think about it because I figured since I have a boy he will be safe but obviously it can happen to either sex. I really have no idea what I think but just thinking about it is making me sick.

jkchs2003

I think I would be uncomfortable with it also.

If he was just escorting her down the hall and making sure she is not getting in trouble that is one thing, for an older child. But a child that is potty training and needs help wiping, pulling pants up and down, etc. I think a male needs to take the boys and a ..........

Okay, now I am thinking a little different. When you take into consideration that most DC/Preschools have only female workers, obviously they have to take the boys to the bathroom. So, why should we discriminate against the men. Men and women are guilty of doing wrong to the other sex. I guess you just have to trust that the Center is hiring people that are background checked, etc.

CarlaAndJames

currently, all the teachers at DD's schools are female, so I don't think that's a bridge we'll have to cross, but I like to think I'd be open minded enough to be ok with this.A few questions for those who wouldn't allow their daughter alone in the bathroom with a male teacher -

Does it go both ways? I am sure female teachers take little boys to the bathroom all the time and that doesn't seem to bother anyone?

Do you also have a problem with a male teacher changing your daughter's diaper? To me, it's no different. Neither is sexual or inappropriate, and a female teacher could just as easily molest my daughter as a male one. I just have to trust that my daycare is doing their due diligence and being very careful who they employ.

vigurl

jkchs2003:

I think I would be uncomfortable with it also.

If he was just escorting her down the hall and making sure she is not getting in trouble that is one thing, for an older child. But a child that is potty training and needs help wiping, pulling pants up and down, etc. I think a male needs to take the boys and a ..........

Okay, now I am thinking a little different. When you take into consideration that most DC/Preschools have only female workers, obviously they have to take the boys to the bathroom. So, why should we discriminate against the men. Men and women are guilty of doing wrong to the other sex. I guess you just have to trust that the Center is hiring people that are background checked, etc.

 

All of the bolded part is exactly why I put this post up.  I am big on companies follwing HR laws.  Which means I need to be open to a man taking my LO to the bathroom.  Mentally it is hard for me to make myself open to it though

CarlaAndJames

vigurl:

jkchs2003:

I think I would be uncomfortable with it also.

If he was just escorting her down the hall and making sure she is not getting in trouble that is one thing, for an older child. But a child that is potty training and needs help wiping, pulling pants up and down, etc. I think a male needs to take the boys and a ..........

Okay, now I am thinking a little different. When you take into consideration that most DC/Preschools have only female workers, obviously they have to take the boys to the bathroom. So, why should we discriminate against the men. Men and women are guilty of doing wrong to the other sex. I guess you just have to trust that the Center is hiring people that are background checked, etc.

 

All of the bolded part is exactly why I put this post up.  I am big on companies follwing HR laws.  Which means I need to be open to a man taking my LO to the bathroom.  Mentally it is hard for me to make myself open to it though

So you're uncomfortable with a male teacher taking L even though he's a boy?

I'm not saying it's wrong to be uncomfortable. My gut reaction to her story was to be squeamish too, but my brain is trying to tell that part of my gut to be fair.

vigurl

CarlaAndJames:

vigurl:

jkchs2003:

I think I would be uncomfortable with it also.

If he was just escorting her down the hall and making sure she is not getting in trouble that is one thing, for an older child. But a child that is potty training and needs help wiping, pulling pants up and down, etc. I think a male needs to take the boys and a ..........

Okay, now I am thinking a little different. When you take into consideration that most DC/Preschools have only female workers, obviously they have to take the boys to the bathroom. So, why should we discriminate against the men. Men and women are guilty of doing wrong to the other sex. I guess you just have to trust that the Center is hiring people that are background checked, etc.

 

All of the bolded part is exactly why I put this post up.  I am big on companies follwing HR laws.  Which means I need to be open to a man taking my LO to the bathroom.  Mentally it is hard for me to make myself open to it though

So you're uncomfortable with a male teacher taking L even though he's a boy?

I'm not saying it's wrong to be uncomfortable. My gut reaction to her story was to be squeamish too, but my brain is trying to tell that part of my gut to be fair.

Yes. My gut is uncomfortable. My mind thinks I am being unreasonable and alltogether I think that I have not have enough time to think on this to make a proper mental decision on my feelings.

vigurl

CarlaAndJames:

currently, all the teachers at DD's schools are female, so I don't think that's a bridge we'll have to cross, but I like to think I'd be open minded enough to be ok with this.A few questions for those who wouldn't allow their daughter alone in the bathroom with a male teacher -

Does it go both ways? I am sure female teachers take little boys to the bathroom all the time and that doesn't seem to bother anyone?

Do you also have a problem with a male teacher changing your daughter's diaper? To me, it's no different.  Neither is sexual or inappropriate, and a female teacher could just as easily molest my daughter as a male one. I just have to trust that my daycare is doing their due diligence and being very careful who they employ.

 

I totally agree with your statement.  That is what it boils down to.  We should not restrict mens duties at DC on the sole reason that they are men.  Actually that is downright illegal.  Now it does not mean that I like anyone (male of female) changing LO's diaper but that is a part of life or if I can't overcome that I need to be a SAHM.

I must confess though I saw Lamar sitting on a man's lap (on the remote viewing camera) in his DC room a few weeks ago and for a spit second I freaked out.  I then realized:

1. there is a female teacher in the room while this is occuring

2. the male is a DC worker that I have seen in the halls walking around during p/u and drop off

3. the man was not doing anything inappropriate

4. the man was only in the room b/c the other female woker stepped out to use the bathroom probably b/c less than 5 mins later the lady returned and the man handed Lamar over and left the room

hannahruth32

I don't know what the laws are in your state, but in the state of NC, a male teacher cannot even change a diaper without a female staff memeber present in the room.  Unless this has changed in the last few years.  I never worked with any male staffers at the DC center where I worked.  Even the after school staff was female. 

vigurl

hannahruth32:

I don't know what the laws are in your state, but in the state of NC, a male teacher cannot even change a diaper without a female staff memeber present in the room.  Unless this has changed in the last few years.  I never worked with any male staffers at the DC center where I worked.  Even the after school staff was female. 

And this is one of the cases where Federal Law would trump state law. That is plain old illegal.

SpceCadet

I think it would be best for the DC to introduce all staff to the parents, regardless of gender.

I don't think it's inappropriate for a male DC worker to take a female child for potty time.  I think the open door (as mentioned in the OP's post) was a good safety measure to ensure an honest, trusting experience for all.  If the bathroom door was closed and the male worker was in the stall with the child and the stall door closed, that would be 100% inappropriate to me.

As a preference, however, I feel more comfortable with a same gender individual with my child.  In today's world, I do not think there's much difference between male and female workers doing terrible things.

vigurl

SpceCadet:

In today's world, I do not think there's much difference between male and female workers doing terrible things.

Well said.

MommaA117

I really do not care about discrimination laws in this case. She is my daughter and I am not cool with a man from daycare taking her to the restroom alone. Period. He may be completely professional but you never know and to me it is not worth it. I know a woman can be bad too and blah blah but I think the chances are much less