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Can't take much more..

Mrs.McIrishMrs.McIrish member
in TTC after 35
Just got an email from a friend who got married in June 2011.  I was expecting it to happen but can't help but feel crushed. She is PG and due in June.  At least she sent me an email directly so I don't hear about it elsewhere as she knows I can't get pg. So basically she got KU right out of gate.  Happy for her but I can't take much more right now. I Fing hate this.

TTC #1 since 8/1/10; Me:41 and BRCA1+, DH:46
DOR (FSH 24.3)/ terrible egg quality ; homozygous MTHFR c677t
5 IUI's: 2/11 to 6/11 and 1/12= BFN
OE IVF#1-4 8/11-6/12= all BFN
DE IVF#1 11/12 bad embryos= BFN
DE IVF #2 2/13 BFP/Beta hell: m/c 5w6d
CFNBC 7 months, not doing well; decided on guarantee program at RBA w/frozen DE
DE IVF #3 1/14  ET 4BB; BFP;M/C 5w1d, incomplete m/c; MVA extraction in ER 7w1d

DE FET#1 ET 3/1714; BFP, beta 1 3/27= 197, beta 2 3/31= 1586, beta 3 4/7= 13879!!
First u/s= Twins with HBs at 6w2d! We are Team Pink x 2!!

K & K born 11/21/14 at 38wks 4 days

imageimage

SAIF/PAIF Welcome


http://waitingforraintostop.wordpress.com

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Re: Can't take much more..

  • irishgirl0525irishgirl0525 member

    I'm so sorry McIrish, it totally sucks hearing that news over and over again. I know this isn't the same thing, but the other night I had a dream that one of my sisters was pregnant and I woke up whimpering to DH about it.

    She isn't pregnant and she isn't trying as far as I know, but if this is any indication of how I'll react if she (or anyone else) actually does get pregnant then I really need to keep myself in check. I was pretty upset about it.

    TTC since 3/2010. Me 41, DH-49. After 3 years, 6 IUIs and several IVFs we have finally have our beautiful baby girl, born on 11/7/13.



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  • Mrs.McIrishMrs.McIrish member

    Yup, it just sucks. When we were at her wedding this summer I said to DH that she would be pg instantly. I thought I was doing better with all of this and have been able to not be as upset when I hear these stories but this one put me right back to the place of bitter jealousy.   I did email her back saying I was happy for her but that it was a tough pill to swallow when you've been through hell with nothing to show for it.

    TTC #1 since 8/1/10; Me:41 and BRCA1+, DH:46
    DOR (FSH 24.3)/ terrible egg quality ; homozygous MTHFR c677t
    5 IUI's: 2/11 to 6/11 and 1/12= BFN
    OE IVF#1-4 8/11-6/12= all BFN
    DE IVF#1 11/12 bad embryos= BFN
    DE IVF #2 2/13 BFP/Beta hell: m/c 5w6d
    CFNBC 7 months, not doing well; decided on guarantee program at RBA w/frozen DE
    DE IVF #3 1/14  ET 4BB; BFP;M/C 5w1d, incomplete m/c; MVA extraction in ER 7w1d

    DE FET#1 ET 3/1714; BFP, beta 1 3/27= 197, beta 2 3/31= 1586, beta 3 4/7= 13879!!
    First u/s= Twins with HBs at 6w2d! We are Team Pink x 2!!

    K & K born 11/21/14 at 38wks 4 days

    imageimage

    SAIF/PAIF Welcome


    http://waitingforraintostop.wordpress.com

    Report Reply
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  • BBN2012BBN2012
    I know exactly what you mean. In the 1 1/2 years we've been TTC I think I've had 20 friends or family members get KU. In one case, people thought I was PG at a wedding because I wasn't drinking (I just had a bad headache) and that was 6 months into our crappy journey. Wouldn't you know 10 months after that wedding the bride and groom welcomed a little one?! Of course I'm happy for them but it doesn't seem to get any easier. I've at least started to allow myself to sit out as many baby showers and other related activities as possible without offending anyone.
    TTC since 8/10.Hypothyroidism, put on Synthroid. Clomid 50 mg + IUI Oct '11 = BFN. HSG found blocked tube Nov '11. Lap + Hysteroscopy to remove tube and fix septum Dec '11. Cancelled following cycle due to lack of response to Clomid. Jan/Feb '12 Clomid 100mg + Folllitism + HSG + Vivelle Dot + IUI #2 = BFN. 3/30/12: Natural Cycle BFP - beta 59 @ 12dpo, beta 286 @ 16dpo Baby boy arrived 12/8/12!
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  • mtlaurelmtlaurel
    Hugs. It sucks. You've had a rough couple of weeks, so don't beat yourself up for not doing "better."
    TTC #1 since June 2010
    Me: 36, DH: 42
    Dx: DOR and MFI

    DH: low count + very low motility; hormones all normal; Sperm DNA Frag. test = poor to fair; male karyotyping normal
    Me: FSH 13.4 + AMH 0.26 + hypothyroidism; Scratch the hypothyrodism (?); Blood clotting and immune panel all negative; endometrial biopsy normal

    IVF #1 (MDLF - Jul/Aug 2011): BFN (9R, 5M, 3F with ICSI, 3dt of 1 10-cell grade 2, no frosties)
    IVF #2 (EP-antagonist - Sep/Oct 2011): BFN (6R, 4M, 3F w/ ICSI, 3dt of 1 6-cell, 1 7-cell, grade 4s, no frosties)
    DE IVF #1 (shared cycle - June 2012): c/p (6R, 6F w/ICSI, 3dt 1 8-cell grade A- and 1 7-cell grade A-; no frosties)
    DE IVF #2 (shared cycle with new donor - Nov/Dec/ 2012): - BFP!!!!! 12/14/12. U/S on 12/27 shows twins!!!!!

    SAIFW/PAIFW
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  • ForTheLoveOf PinkForTheLoveOf Pink member

    Yup me too.....I f'ing hate this!!!!! Some days you think yeah I'm fine...one foot in front of the other. Other days I'm falling apart.

     

    TTC since 2009 very frustrated 42yr and DH 40

    5 cycles of Clomid with satisfactory response=BFN's
    Fibroid removal Nov2010
    IUI Clomid #1 Feb 2011...BFN..damn it!
    IUI Inject's #2 Apr 2011...CANCELLED...low estradiol
    IUI Inject's #3 June 2011...BFN
    IUI Inject's #4 Sept2011...BFFN
    Lap Dec 2011...severe endo..cyst removed..some remains...
    IVF#1 Apr 2012 ....cancelled due to over suppression
    IVF#2 July 2012....6 follies...only 1 retrieved....BFFN
    surgery suggested to move ovary to an better placement but....we moved two time zones away and are financially and emotionally empty

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  • brooklynesquebrooklynesque member

    I'm so sorry.  It's really, really hard to cope with the announcements sometimes, I know. If they catch you on the wrong day it can knock you flat.

    DH and I were out with another couple this weekend and I noticed that the wife wasn't drinking . . . if/when they announce I think it will really get to me for some reason -- maybe because they got married almost exactly one year after DH and I, maybe because they're one of our last childless couple-friends standing.  I just hope I find out via email and not in person.  :-(

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  • MelleTXMelleTX member

    I'm so sorry. (HUGS).

    I have a good friend who I am just *waiting* to announce her 2nd pregnancy. She's a good friend and I love her dearly, but she is one of those who met her husband right out of college, got married at 24, had her first child at 27 and is hoping to be pregnant again before 30. An.d she has a great career, a beautiful home and a close and loving family.

    Me.. I have a short list of non-committal ex-boyfriends, a great career, a shoebox sized condo and a Volvo.

    Where did I go wrong? 

    Single Mother by Choice. Life didn't work out the way I planned so I did it on my own. IUI #s 1-3, unmedicated = BFN, IUI #s 4-6, 50mg Clomid, Ovidrel = BFN IVF #1: 23R, 20M, 17F. 5 day transfer 2 blasts. 2 Snowbabies BFP 6dp5dt, Beta #1 7dp5dt = 58, Beta #2 9dp5dt = 114, Beta #3 10dp5dt = 187 1st Ultrasound = 5/3, not much to see yet. 2nd Ultrasound = 5/17, TWINS!!! Hospital Bed Rest at 32 weeks due to pre-ecclampsia and severe edema. Audrey Grace, 5lbs9oz, & Lydia Louise, 6lbs, born via emergency c-section on 12/6/12 at 36w1d My IVF Journey
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  • owlprofowlprof member
    Me three (or four, etc).  It completely sucks.
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  • Amyaggie97Amyaggie97
    That does suck and I am sorry!  It's also bad when you look at someone that morning and think, hmmmm, she's pregnant.  And then find out that night that yes she is and you are told in a room with a bunch of people who all know what you are going through.  It was hard to be happy. 
    Me- 37, DH- 32. TTC- June 2010- Adoption journey started April 2012 image
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  • abvernonabvernon

    I am so, sorry.

    It effin sucks. Life is just not fair and I just want to effing shout and scream until I get my may.

    FU IF. Just, FU.

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  • pillowasspillowass member
    Ugh, I'm so sorry. IF has ruined weddings for me too, because all I can think is "There's someone else who will be pregnant before I am." It's all so unfair. 
    image


    TTC #2 since July 2010
    FSH = 11 (20 on day 10 of CCCT)/ AMH = .98 / AFC=12ish
    5 IUI's with oral meds = all BFN
    March 2012 IVF (MDL Protocol) Started stims 3/3; ER 3/11 (9R, 8M, 7F) ET 3/16 (5dt of 2 blasts graded 3AB and 3BA, 3 frosties(!!) Beta 3/26 = 386; Beta 3/28 = 827; u/s 4/11 says TWINS! Boy/Girl Twins delivered at 36 weeks 6 days

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • Temp556193750005695Temp556193750005695

    McIrish, I'm so sorry.  (((hugs)))  It's hard watching everyone around you getting pregnant, when a baby is something you want so dearly. 

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  • winidpuwinidpu
    I am sorry you had a tough time w/ your friend's recent news. It seems we can all relate on some level. IF does suck and mostly we have to put on a brave face and smile and move on about our day. Hang there and do something nice for yourself. We all have our ups and downs w/ this whole IF process and we have to take care of ourselves during this process or we will go crazy.
    TTC #1 since 2/10 Me 38 FSH 12.9 & AMH 0.16 DH 47, low sperm count due to meds. 07/11 We have sperm! 28 million, 70% motility, morphology 1% normal. 08/14/11 1st IUI unmedicated BFN. 09/11/11 2nd IUI w/ Femara + trigger BFN 10/14/11 trigger & Final IUI 10/16/11 BFN 10/21/11 Started acupuncture and loving it! 01/21 ET one embryo 6 cell grade C. Beta 02/02. BFN. Taking a much needed break. image
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  • Bubs711Bubs711
    So sorry.  No matter how much you're expecting it and how happy you are for the other person, it still stings.
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  • happywifemomofonehappywifemomofone member
    I am so sorry McIrish.....I am struggling with some of the same things.  After overhearing pg coworker much of day, get home to see my cousin's ultrasound pics on Facebook.  She announced in her Christmas card....but it still sucks to see it so real and in my face.  Wish I had wisdom for being able to deal-but since I'm on the downside of this journey- everything feels like more than I have right now.  Got ok for phone consult with your REs office from my husband-but right now neither of us is wholeheartedly committed to treatment.  We shall see.
    TTC since 10/09 Me-43 DH-44 RE and testing 10/10-11/10, Recommending IVF 1/11 New RE AMA and DOR-DH low motility IVF #1.1 cancelled 3/11 due to poor response IVF #1.2 May 2011, one perfect 8-cell embryo, 3dt-BFN, IVF #2.1 Converted to IUI d/t poor response. New RE 9/2011. IVF 2.2 completed using HGH,EPP,DHEA, Q-10 and accupuncture. Transferred one 8-cell, grade one embryo on 10/19. BFP 10/31/11 Chemical pregancy on 11/2/11. Started stims for IVF #3, our final try, on 12-2-11. ET on 12/18. Transferred 3 Grade A embryos-BFFN Planning DE IVF, late March/early April- Donors ER expected to be 4/2-4/4. PAIF/SAIF welcome
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  • Maybe JoleisaMaybe Joleisa member
    I'm waiting for a similar email from a friend who got married in October--IF sucks.  I'm so sorry.

    image
    TTC since 10/2010
    IUIs # 1-5 = BFFN
    IVF # 1(July 2012) = BFN
    IVF # 2 (November 2012) = BFP (MIssed MC D&C @ 8w3d on 1/10/13)
    IVF # 3 (June 2013) = BFN 
    IVF # 4 (September 2013) = BFP Fraternal twin boys! (Loss at 21w6d due to IC on 1/26/14...devastated.)
    3/21/14--TAC (transabdominal cerclage) w/Dr. Davis in NJ
    IVF # 5 (May 2014) = BFN
    FET (August 2014) = BFN

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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  • Mrs.McIrishMrs.McIrish member

    imagehappywifemomofone:
    I am so sorry McIrish.....I am struggling with some of the same things.  After overhearing pg coworker much of day, get home to see my cousin's ultrasound pics on Facebook.  She announced in her Christmas card....but it still sucks to see it so real and in my face.  Wish I had wisdom for being able to deal-but since I'm on the downside of this journey- everything feels like more than I have right now.  Got ok for phone consult with your REs office from my husband-but right now neither of us is wholeheartedly committed to treatment.  We shall see.

    I'd do the consult just for someone to say "yes, there's no reason why you can't get pg". It was nice to hear even if it doesn't come true. I'm starting my first full monitoring cycle tomorrow and started mucinex today to thin out my murky CM..

    TTC #1 since 8/1/10; Me:41 and BRCA1+, DH:46
    DOR (FSH 24.3)/ terrible egg quality ; homozygous MTHFR c677t
    5 IUI's: 2/11 to 6/11 and 1/12= BFN
    OE IVF#1-4 8/11-6/12= all BFN
    DE IVF#1 11/12 bad embryos= BFN
    DE IVF #2 2/13 BFP/Beta hell: m/c 5w6d
    CFNBC 7 months, not doing well; decided on guarantee program at RBA w/frozen DE
    DE IVF #3 1/14  ET 4BB; BFP;M/C 5w1d, incomplete m/c; MVA extraction in ER 7w1d

    DE FET#1 ET 3/1714; BFP, beta 1 3/27= 197, beta 2 3/31= 1586, beta 3 4/7= 13879!!
    First u/s= Twins with HBs at 6w2d! We are Team Pink x 2!!

    K & K born 11/21/14 at 38wks 4 days

    imageimage

    SAIF/PAIF Welcome


    http://waitingforraintostop.wordpress.com

    Report Reply
  • Mrs.McIrishMrs.McIrish member

    imageMaybe Joleisa:
    I'm waiting for a similar email from a friend who got married in October--IF sucks.  I'm so sorry.

    Ugh, that would be tough to swallow...

    TTC #1 since 8/1/10; Me:41 and BRCA1+, DH:46
    DOR (FSH 24.3)/ terrible egg quality ; homozygous MTHFR c677t
    5 IUI's: 2/11 to 6/11 and 1/12= BFN
    OE IVF#1-4 8/11-6/12= all BFN
    DE IVF#1 11/12 bad embryos= BFN
    DE IVF #2 2/13 BFP/Beta hell: m/c 5w6d
    CFNBC 7 months, not doing well; decided on guarantee program at RBA w/frozen DE
    DE IVF #3 1/14  ET 4BB; BFP;M/C 5w1d, incomplete m/c; MVA extraction in ER 7w1d

    DE FET#1 ET 3/1714; BFP, beta 1 3/27= 197, beta 2 3/31= 1586, beta 3 4/7= 13879!!
    First u/s= Twins with HBs at 6w2d! We are Team Pink x 2!!

    K & K born 11/21/14 at 38wks 4 days

    imageimage

    SAIF/PAIF Welcome


    http://waitingforraintostop.wordpress.com

    Report Reply
  • chicagobride_07chicagobride_07 member
    I am so sorry- here's hoping that 2012 will be your year!

    image
    DOR and AMA
    2/12-5/12: 4 IUI cycles = all BFN;
    7/12: DE IVF # 1 (with ICSI)- 20R, 16M, 14F, 5DT of 2 blasts; 6 frosties = BFN;
    Lupus anticoagulant initially high, then found to be normal on hematology consult;
    Follow up testing in September all clear;
    Started synthroid for "high normal" TSH;
    FET # 1- late October 2012- BFP on FRER; beta # 1- 21(low), beta # 2- 48 (still low), beta # 3- 132, beta # 4- 1,293; beta # 5- 5,606; last beta- over 100,000. First u/s 11/21- heard heartbeat
    12/12- Officially an OB patient!
    Level 2 ultrasound at 20 weeks shows vasa previa and VCI
    Referral to MFM and mandatory c section for delivery
    Beautiful baby girl born at 34 weeks
    Finally home after 15 day NICU stay!
    Trying for sibling: FET # 2- May 2014; beta 5/31, BFN
    FET #3, early July 2014; beta 7/14, BFN
    DE IVF # 2- August 2014; 14R, 13M, 11F, 5dt of 2 blasts (3 AA), 5 frosties = BFN
    FET #4- December 2014, yet another BFN

    Dr. KK work up shows borderline uterine blood flow, elevated NK cells, and MTHFR mutation (homozygous for c677t)

    Added baby aspirin, prednisone, supplements, Metanx, and intralipids

    Switched to large clinic for final attempt; had endometrial receptivity testing in January; FET March 2015 = yet another BFN

    Likely OAD- NBC

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  • chitwngal2010chitwngal2010

    wow that's tough and sucks! i am sorry, i am sure it never gets easier to congratualte those that really never had to ttc.

    i do think this will be your year though and you will have your own happy announcement to make and everyone will be thrilled for you!

    BabyFruit Ticker Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
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  • KZ2010KZ2010

    I'm sorry, McIrish.  I can completely empathize with the feelings you are currently having.  It's just so unfair...it's completely arbitrary who can get pregnant easily and who struggles...I think that makes it a harder pill to swallow (for me anyway).  As I mentioned a few posts ago, all of my friends and cousins have babies, so it's in my face all the time.  DH and I are the ONLY childless couple.  It's really, really tough and I too have days when I struggle.  I hope that you're able to do something nice for yourself soon and feel in better spirits!

    m/c at 6 wks 2002
    Endometriosis, s/p lap 2009
    Behcet's disease, s/p partial vulvectomy 2010
    Started bromocriptine to lower prolactin level 2010
    Clear HSG 11/2010 :)
    DH morphology = 4, rest of SA looked good 01/2011
    02/2011 First Clomid 50mg cycle
    BFP 03/02/2011
    No heartbeat at 10w5d 04/18/2011; D&C 04/23/2011
    07/2011 Second Clomid 50mg cycle, BFN
    08/2011 Third Clomid 50mg cycle, BFN
    10/2011 First Clomid 100mg cycle with Ovidrel trigger = BFN
    11/2011 Second Clomid 100mg cycle with Ovidrel trigger = BFN
    12/2011 Third Clomid 100mg cycle with Ovidrel trigger = BFFN
    01/2012 Fourth Clomid 100mg cycle with Ovidrel trigger = ?
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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  • fullfhopefullfhope member
    I agree with you it sucks and I am sorry we feel this way. 
    Me 37 DH 40 TTC since 1/11 DOR AMH .34 DH S/A Great BFP 12/11! MC 1/12 IUI #1 2/12 BFN. IUI #2 3/12 BFN. IUI #3 4/12 BFN IVF #1 5/12 BFP! DD 2/13/12
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