Can I vent? (super duper long)

freeatlast2014

I wish it were an in-law vent - but this is about my own family.

My mom's brother is married and he adopted her son. They've been married like 17 years, my cousin is 19. My uncle was working and told me he'd be coming to the party- like around 3:30. Party starts at 12, I'm having a sit down dinner at a restaurant and so I told him that I wasn't sure if I should pay for them or not. So then he says that none of them will be coming cause my aunt won't come without him and it'll be too late for them.

Next day he tells me that in fact my aunt will be coming with my cousin and his girlfriend. I did NOT send a separate invitation for my cousin (addressed it to the family) and he was NOT invited with guest (he's only 19, a drug addict, and thief that stole tools from my Poppy after he passed and stole money from my Nanny while I was in her house. I caught him red-handed). Anyhoo, I didn't make a thing about it since I planned for 3 to come, and 3 were coming. So fine.

Well, as stated above party started at noon. About 1:05 I text her to see where they were. She says "In bed, Cousin and GF are on their way". The party is 45 minutes from where they live. They arrived about 1.5 hours AFTER she told me they were on their way.

Cousin missed dinner - we were already on presents and dessert. But for some reason I had waiter bring them out food. They doggie bagged what they didn't eat.

Found out today that my aunt posted all over FB how drunk she was Sat. night. Apparently she was in bed with a hangover for my son's birthday party.

She also didn't come to my house on Christmas Eve cause she wanted to spend it with her brother. I've been to her house on Christmas Eve every single year for over 10 years. I've traveled for most of them since I haven't lived in the same town as them in forever. She could have traveled to both. She's a b*tch, everyone is scared to address her, my uncle is a pushover that tiptoes around her. I want to say something. WWYD?

jcole32444

I wouldn't have had dinner brought out to them. They were late so they don't get it. But I could see how, you paid for it so you wanted them to eat it. And next christmas I would not give in. She can come see you once. I am very open with my family so I would say something. But there aren't many issues my family doesn't discuss openly.

broccolitree

If this is the hill you want to die on, imo it's a good one. I would make sure to pick out and cling to the *reason* and not get distracted by the noise though... like the fact your cousin is methhead trash is noise. The fact that you bend over backwards and they don't seem to give two sh*ts is something to fight about.

RedZee

Well said Broc.

I personally would probably not say anything and just stop inviting them. But I am probably the worst person on earth to give advice about extended family.

Really, ask yourself what you hope the end result will be. If you hope the end result will be that they attend things and respect you more, then it's worth pursuing. If you hope the end result is that she apologizes but you don't care much beyond that, then I'd let it go.

Whatever you decide to do, give yourself a few days to cool down before you do anything.

MarSamWhitney

I agree with RedZee- I wouldnt bother and just quit inviting them to things. If they can't show you the same respect you have showed them,then why bother?

mommajen8

broccolitree:

If this is the hill you want to die on, imo it's a good one. I would make sure to pick out and cling to the *reason* and not get distracted by the noise though... like the fact your cousin is methhead trash is noise. The fact that you bend over backwards and they don't seem to give two sh*ts is something to fight about.

Broc you said it best.

ffejsGirl

I think it best to just make your point by no longer inviting them. I know how much it hurts when family doesn't show an ounce of respect for your own accomplishments and celebrations, especially your kids. But I've learned that getting upset and saying anything, even just that you're hurt doesn't generally have any effect on someone that rude. Easier just to keep the stress away by keeping them at arms length. I'm sorry that they added drama to JTs special day.

RouensDream

broccolitree:

If this is the hill you want to die on, imo it's a good one. I would make sure to pick out and cling to the *reason* and not get distracted by the noise though... like the fact your cousin is methhead trash is noise. The fact that you bend over backwards and they don't seem to give two sh*ts is something to fight about.

 

RouensDream

ffejsGirl:

I think it best to just make your point by no longer inviting them. I know how much it hurts when family doesn't show an ounce of respect for your own accomplishments and celebrations, especially your kids. But I've learned that getting upset and saying anything, even just that you're hurt doesn't generally have any effect on someone that rude. Easier just to keep the stress away by keeping them at arms length. I'm sorry that they added drama to JTs special day.

Agreed.