Ruby's natural birth
jmlushbough
member
Sorry if this is formatted funny... I'm on the iPad. Hope you enjoy the story of our daughter's birth!
Sitting here, four days after the birth of our daughter, I?m struck by the power of the mind. Just four days ago, I had one of the most powerful experiences of my life, and already the edges are becoming a bit blurry. The details have already become a bit lost in the big picture. But I will never forget the emotions surrounding Ruby?s birth. Here is her story...
Although throughout the pregnancy, I adamantly proclaimed that I thought Ruby would come early, her December 3rd due date came and went with little fanfare. After that day, I resigned myself to the idea that she would be stubborn like her big brother and come out at the very last minute on her own. The rational part of my brain allowed me to consider the induction process as a possibility, but my heart was telling me to just be patient. Any pregnant Mama who goes past their due date will tell you that those last few days or weeks are the toughest. Well-intentioned friends and family stating the obvious on a daily basis -- ?Oh, you still haven?t had that baby, yet??
On Friday, December 9th, we went into the clinic for a biophysical profile. In our OB?s office, it?s pretty standard practice to check on the baby at a week past the EDD, so we weren?t concerned. The test looks for specific behaviors and gives the baby thirty minutes to show us that she?s doing okay. That day, Baby Ruby slept through the test which resulted in a failing grade. The nurse practitioner wasn?t overly concerned -- fluid levels still looked good, I felt great, and all signs pointed to a healthy baby; except for the failed BPP. Per protocol, we were sent over to the hospital?s Birthplace for a follow-up test and to see the doctor-on-call (not our doctor).
Baby Ruby passed the follow-up non-stress test with flying colors. Again, everything looked great, and I felt fine. All my Mama instincts were telling me that baby was fine... And then the doctor came in to talk with us. She explained that in her opinion, the BPP was telling us that something was wrong, and she was quite certain we should induce labor that day. She kept using the phrase, ?sick baby,? which was unsettling and frankly, not fair. It completely ruffled my Mama feathers, and made John nervous.
Now, I understand that hospitals have protocols, and doctors are trained to avoid worst-case scenarios, but nothing about this reaction seemed right to me. I asked to have the BPP repeated in a few hours and assuming that we passed, told the doctor we wouldn?t want to be induced. Baby Ruby passed the second BPP in about 5 minutes with a full 8 out of 8. We went home.
We agreed to come in again the next day to be monitored, and then follow-up with our doctor in the clinic on Monday. We had a third BPP on Monday and everything looked great. Dr. Greenleaf agreed that we were back on track to wait for baby to come on her own. She stripped my membranes and told us that we?d need to come back on Friday if baby wasn?t out, yet, and we?d schedule an induction for Saturday (two weeks post date).
John went back to work, and I went home to hang out with Jack. By about 5:00, I was having some uncomfortable contractions, and although they felt different than any I?d had up to that point, they weren?t regular, and they weren?t very intense. Jack and I sat on the living room floor and played with his cars. Suddenly, I felt a gush of fluid and my pants were wet. I got up and went to the bathroom, certain that either my water had just broken, or I had massively peed myself. Either option was completely plausible at that point. My instinct told me that it was the former, so I called John and asked him to skip the bread store and just come straight home from work. I also called our doula, Sara, who told me that since the baby was so high still, we should probably think about heading into the hospital to be checked in case of cord prolapse. I called my mom and told her, ?It?s time!? and she hurried over to stay with Jack.
We took our time getting ready to leave for the hospital. John and I ate dinner and fed Jack. I also tried really hard to steal a few snuggles and smooches from him, as I knew the next time we saw him, he would no longer be our ?baby.? I did my best to soak in our last few moments as a family of three. It hit me then: I knew our little one was on her way!
In the car on the way to the hospital, my contractions basically stopped. I didn?t say anything to John, but I was so scared that the whole thing was a false alarm, and that we?d get to the hospital with no contractions and they?d simply tell us that I?d peed my pants. When we got to L&D, we were brought to our room, and we settled in. We waited for Sara to arrive, and then we waited to see the doctor. The nurse asked us a million questions, and we talked briefly about our birth wishes. Actually, as soon as we mentioned that we had a written birth plan, she said, ?Let me guess, you want this, and this, and this...? And she was right on all counts. It was good to know that we were on the same page. She?d done the ?natural birth thing? before. When Sara got there, she did a little ?redecorating? -- taking down the clock and the pain-scale drawing. I just love her!
Dr. Barrell was the family practice doctor on-call for the night. She did a swab to test for amniotic fluid (positive) and looked at the fluid under a microscope (unequivocal) -- she couldn?t say for sure whether my water had broken, or maybe I had a slow leak, or maybe I just peed. But since I was having contractions again at that point, she let us stay under observation with a plan to check for progress in an hour or two. She was totally on board when I told her that I didn?t want to hear ?the numbers? with each check, and she said she would just tell Sara.
Now, before all this action started, I would?ve told you that I wanted to labor at home as long as possible and roll into L&D with just enough time to push the baby out into the doctor?s arms and then go home an hour later. Well, when we got to the hospital and I no longer felt like this was a false alarm, I really felt nervous about the possibility of being sent home. I felt safe at the hospital. I was glad that they were letting us stay, even though the protocol is to only admit Mamas in active labor. I was still probably at a 3 or 4.
Early labor was lovely, even at the hospital. John and I took one lap down the hallway to the NICU area and back to our room. I had to stop a couple of times and lean on John or the wall. Hula hips helped me through several contractions. Things were getting a little tougher. When we got back to the room, I labored on the ball for a while, swaying my hips with each contraction. I was still able to talk between contractions, but with each wave, I put my head down and concentrated on breathing. At some point (maybe around 10p.m.?) Sara suggested that John and I both try to get some rest. I was able to snooze off and on between contractions for about an hour. The nurses came in every hour to monitor the baby, but they were so good about it that I didn?t even really notice. In fact, it seems like maybe at some point that monitoring stopped, but it?s more likely that I just stopped noticing.
By about 11:30, things were getting increasingly more intense. I was no longer chatting with Sara and John between contractions, and I was no longer able to sleep. Each wave came on strong with no build up -- just intensity from start to finish. I remember struggling quite a few times to find a position that was comfortable. And if I didn?t find that position before the wave started, I knew it would be a tough one to get through. Being on my hands and knees seemed to work sometimes; other times, I had to hang off the head of the bed which was bent up at a ninety degree angle. Sara tried to get me to labor on the toilet once, and I said, ?No way!? For comfort, I alternated between really going into myself for strength and focusing on low ?Ohs,? and looking to one of my support team (usually John or Sara) and pleading with them to make it stop! While vocalizing, I repeated the phrase, ?go in? in my head. I?m not sure where it came from, but I helped me stay focused on the baby and the reason for all this hard work.
We got into the shower sometime in the early morning hours, and that was a miracle. I don?t think I could have made it through without that water. I have no idea how long I was in there. Long enough to get overheated and feel a bit queasy, but it was lovely while it lasted. While I was in the shower, a guy from the lab came to draw my blood. Someone asked if I wanted to get out and get dressed before he came in. I remember thinking that was the craziest thing anyone had ever asked me... Why would I want to get out of this amazing shower? Like I care if this dude sees my boobs -- I?m in labor! Send him in! Later, Sara would tell me that the lab tech seemed to be in awe of the power of a woman laboring so calmly and intently.
After the shower and as we got closer and closer to transition, it seemed like every third or fourth contraction was really difficult. There were a few that seemed like they would never end, or that felt like they would rip me in half before they finished. Those were the ones that had made me beg for an epidural. I started to say things like, ?Ladies! This isn?t fun anymore!? and ?Why isn?t anyone listening to me?? I remember more than once telling them that I couldn?t do it, and each time Sara would remind me what that meant -- transition. In my heart, I knew that Ruby was so close to meeting us. I knew that each contraction was our hard work together in getting her here. But my mind was playing tricks on me. Our son?s labor was forty hours. We?d only been laboring with Ruby for about ten at that point. My mind was doing math and telling me that we had thirty more hours of this. My body was saying, ?no way.? I begged the doctor to make it stop. At one point, I even asked for narcotics, which I absolutely knew going into this that I did not want -- I had a half-dose with Jack, and I hated it. Thankfully, John was able to talk some sense into me at that point, and I agreed that I really didn?t want the drugs.
But by that point, I had convinced my support team that I wanted an epidural. I wanted an epidural right now. What I didn?t know was that I would have to get a full bag of fluids - which takes at least an hour - and then they?d have to hunt down an anesthesiologist. It could be two hours before I got any relief. What my team knew that I didn?t know was that Ruby would be here by then. I insisted they start an IV and then I think I demanded an epidural about every third contraction until it was time to push. Sara asked me if I thought I could do it for one more hour. I wasn?t sure, but I didn?t have a choice. At the end of the hour, either Ruby would be here, or the anesthesiologist would be here. {I found out later that this whole part of labor was a bit of a con-game on the part of my support team. They knew how important it was to me to have a natural birth, and they knew how close we were in getting there. They could have sped things up and gotten the epidural within about 45 minutes. I?m so grateful now that they stalled like they did; but at the time, I was quite frustrated!}
The crazy thing about this part of the labor was that the contractions that weren?t full of panic and fear really were lovely. I?m not going to lie -- they were intense, and they were hard work, but it was so rewarding. I don?t know how to describe the feeling of those beautiful contractions -- no words seem quite right. It was amazing. I felt powerful and so full of love -- love came from within and from the people surrounding me.
At just after five in the morning, just when I thought I would break down, I felt an enormous pressure in my bottom. I instinctively got onto the bed on my hands and knees. I told my team that I had to push. Someone -- Sara? the nurse? -- told me to breathe through the contractions. Dr. Barrell checked me and said, ?You?re nine and a half with a lip.? She also said she could feel the baby turning and making her way down the birth canal. I was given the go-ahead to try a few practice pushes, but I told them that I had to push for real. I arched my back in a cat pose and then bore down with a strength I didn?t know I had. I made a growling noise and pushed our baby further down. I was promptly told to slow down so things could stretch. But I didn?t really have control at that point. My body was acting on its own, and at its mercy. Another growling push, and I felt our baby?s head crown (ring of fire!) and slip out. Another short push and I felt the rest of her slippery body slip out. The doctor placed her on the bed between my knees, and waited for the cord to stop pulsating before offering the scissors to John.
After just a minute or two, the doctors had me flip over onto my back so they could deliver the placenta and stitch up a second-degree tear. Baby Ruby was on my chest the entire time, skin-to-skin. I was amazed by how tiny and peacefully alert she was. She was absolutely perfect.
I felt great after Ruby?s birth, and I was hopeful that we?d get to go home possibly later that day. Because of what happened next, those hopes went out the window.
I had been having pretty intense after-pains, but I had been warned that they would be bad with a second baby, so I was prepared. They were as long or longer than my labor contractions, and just as painful. It sucked, but I didn?t really say anything to the nurses because I thought that it was supposed to be like that. At about noon, my mom helped me get up to use the bathroom. When I pulled down my underwear to use the toilet, a huge clot came out of me. It was about the size of a Nerf football. I thought it was another baby or a placenta. I asked my mom, ?Is that supposed to happen?? She kept her cool and called for the nurse. Another clot passed, and another. They got me back into bed and massaged my uterus, each time causing either a gush of blood or another clot to pass.
Before I really knew what was happening, the room began filling with medical staff. Someone gave me a shot of methergine - a drug used to control excessive bleeding - someone else was trying to start an IV. The doctor-on-call (Dr. Johnson) came in to talk to us about what was happening (severe post-partum hemorrhage) and what would happen next (surgery - D&C). The whole thing was very frightening, and I was starting to feel loopy from the blood loss, so a lot of it is a blur to me. I?ve talked to Sara and my mom about it to get their perspectives because I just really remember feeling sleepy. From their accounts, I gather that the situation was life-threatening and very serious. John still isn?t really ready to talk about it -- the whole thing really shook him. I?m just so thankful that we were in the hospital when it happened.
After the surgery and two units of blood, I recovered really quickly. The doctor didn?t find any retained placenta or other obvious reasons for the bleed, but he did say that it shouldn?t affect any future pregnancies (although, after putting John through all that scary stuff, I?m pretty sure he?s already scheduled his vasectomy!). We are home now, and all of us are healthy. Ruby?s cheeks are already starting to plump up -- she?s a champion nurser. Jack alternates between totally loving on his little sister, and completely denying her existence -- just as it should be, I suppose.
I am so thankful for our natural hospital birth, and for the life-saving medical care I received afterward. And I?m so glad we?re on the other side with a sweet little babe in our arms.
Re: Ruby's natural birth
I read your story and loved it! I was drawn in because I have a Ruby, too
There aren't very many of them around and they are so special. I also attempted a drug free birth with my first and with my Ruby. I then achieved a drug-free birth with my third and had the horrible post-partum hemorrhage with that like you did. I thankfully didn't need surgury, but I will never forget the pain associated with the procedures they performed to make it stop. That was the worst pain I remember! But I guess I wasn't too spooked by it because I have had another baby since. He was born via c-section because my babies are so big. (9lbs 11oz - 10lbs 14oz) Congratulations on the birth of your Ruby!! Enjoy her!
Elizabeth
Thanks for sharing.
I was interested in the haemorrhaging part, because my midwife said I was borderline post-partum haemorrhage, which they gave me a shot of something for. So nowhere near as serious as your situation, but it still has me rattled in terms of does it mean I'm at risk for future pregnancies.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old