WWYD in this situation?

mamarazzi

We gave a family member what we thought was a pretty thoughtful and nice Christmas gift.  It wasn't cheap and we put quite a bit of thought into it.  We'd asked him multiple times for ideas prior to Christmas and his only suggestion was to "put money in his PayPal account."

When he opened it, he literally grunted and then told us he didn't like it.  I was annoyed internally, but nicely asked him if he'd like us to exchange it for something else.  He flat out said "No.  Just return it and give me the cash.  I'd rather have the money."  He doesn't already have it.  He just doesn't want it.

He's a grown man and is not struggling financially.  He has a history of not being appreciative, but this was a new one for us. (last year he literally emailed us an amazon cart with a message about just filling in our address and payment information.) 

I have the gift and plan on returning it, but I don't know what to do from here.  He was such a jerk about it I don't really want to give him anything.

What would you do?  Give him something else? (I have no ideas on what)  Just forget about a gift for him this year?  I told him we weren't just giving him cash -- said it was weird -- and stand by that.

REOM

Seriously? Who is this person? Is it someone close to you?

My sister was VERY unappreciative about a gift I gave her daughter last year. Long story short, I told her I bought it, her MIL also bought it (after I told her I bought it!) and my sister was like, "Oh we already have that. We'll just leave it here (our parents) for when we visit". 

I found it funny that something that I spent good money on should just sit at my parents for the occasional use, so I returned it and my sister never noticed. Guess she never went looking for it.

Anyway, I would just return the gift and tell the guy to Foff if he ever mentioned it again.  And he would be getting handmade paintings from my kids for future gifts

Susie2005

It sort of depends on who it is.  I want to say ungrateful a-holes get nothing.  Return the gift and move on.  But, if it is someone you need to tread lightly with because of family obligation or whatever, I would return the gift and send and Amazon gift card for the same amount.  A agree, cash is wierd.  A gift card is a little bettter and something like amazon he can get whatever he wants so it might at well be cash.

But really what an ungrateful jerk.

veloelle

Return it, put the $  in his paypal and don't exchange w/ him again. He doesn't want anything, so nothing else you'll get will matter to him. If you don't want to give $, I'd return the gift, keep the money and call it a day. If that means only buying kids gifts and not the adults in the future, I'd bring up that idea for everyone.

juniper19

How old is this person?  Is he mentally ill?

I would give him a gift card for the value of the gift.  And in the future I would do cheap gift cards.  Like 15 or 20.  Without the value indicated on the card, so he can't give you any grief in person.

Susie2005

REOM:

  And he would be getting handmade paintings from my kids for future gifts

And, I like this!

summerbrideDC

Holy crap! He would be permanently OFF my holiday giving list and if he asked why, I'd be happy to explain to him what a douchebag he is.  

OR I'd buy him a book about etiquette and manners.

sooosie

I don't really like the ideas of exchanging it for the $ to his Paypal or another gift card.  I'd return it and give him a big fat nothing. 

gracendantho26

I'd return it and buy myself something nice with the cash. He sounds like he needs someone to shut this whole "cash only" operation down for him. You are under no obligation to hand out cash for the holidays.

Does he buy something for you?

lsufan

I'd return it and forget about it.  I would not give cash or a gift card.

justEK

gracendantho26:

I'd return it and buy myself something nice with the cash. He sounds like he needs someone to shut this whole "cash only" operation down for him. You are under no obligation to hand out cash for the holidays.

Does he buy something for you?

This.

And I really would like to know if he buys you anything. I would not give him cash and I would no longer give him anything in the future. He'll get the point. Was it your dad? And knowing you guys are strapped for cash as it is, makes him even more of a douche.  

ridesbuttons

veloelle:

Return it, put the $  in his paypal and don't exchange w/ him again. He doesn't want anything, so nothing else you'll get will matter to him. If you don't want to give $, I'd return the gift, keep the money and call it a day. If that means only buying kids gifts and not the adults in the future, I'd bring up that idea for everyone.

I agree with this.

lazysusan

Have you actually told him how his reaction made you feel?  

L D

Return it.  Keep the cash.  There is no excuse for him being such a @ss about it.  I also agree with the paintings from the kids in the future. Seriously!! He has some balls to straight up to your face right after opening it to say he doesn't like it.  Then the previous year email you his cart on an online shopping site??  Rude and ungrateful = buy your own damn gift jack hole!

 I can't believe some of you would actually reward his behavior and give him cash or equal value gift card.  

shopgirl_07

Listen, you knew what he was like with gifts, you knew he was unappreciative and you knew he wanted money yet you bought him something anyway.

The guy's a jerk for sure, but why do you set yourself up to be disrespected? You know exactly what he's like so stop trying to bang your head against the wall. Return the gift, keep the money and cross him off your list in the future.

4Speedy

Is it something you or your DH could use?  Keep it for yourselves and use it.  When he asks where his money is, and he most certainly will, give the gift, now used, back to him.  Tell him this is the gift you put thought and effort into and this is the gift he is getting.  Tell him you have really enjoyed using it and if he decides he doesn't want it, you will be happy to keep it.

karen6784

L

Return it.  Keep the cash.  There is no excuse for him being such a @ss about it.  I also agree with the paintings from the kids in the future. Seriously!! He has some balls to straight up to your face right after opening it to say he doesn't like it.  Then the previous year email you his cart on an online shopping site??  Rude and ungrateful = buy your own damn gift jack hole!

 I can't believe some of you would actually reward his behavior and give him cash or equal value gift card.  

 This.  He doesn't deserve a gift, and more importantly, you and your family do not deserve to be treated that way. 

AnnapolisLari

lsufan:

I'd return it and forget about it.  I would not give cash or a gift card.

This.

I don't give cash to adults.

rebs

Anyone over the age of 13 who acts that way does not deserve a gift.  I agree with a pp that you kinda set yourself up for this though.  Return it, keep the money. 

Next year send him an email that you are trying to scale back xmas and won't be exchanging gifts.  Or make a donation somewhere in his name with the money.