My baby shower host just backed out.... sorry long vent

MomOfTwo2012

I wouldnt even call it backing out because she's just completely ignoring me. Here's the story

  My sister in law insisted that she throw my baby shower. The day I told her that I was pregnant the first words out of her mouth was "Congratulations, Im throwing your shower!" I happily agreed. Looking back I should have said no because we've had a rocky relationship since my brother in law first started dating her. She didnt like the fact that I was really close with his ex (who's also the mother of his eight year old daughter) so we went a year not talking. She wouldnt even allow her husband to talk to my husband (who are brothers if you havent made the connection yet lol). So anyways we made up and we've been getting along great all year long. She got mad at me the other day for reasons too petty to get into and has been ignoring me ever since. The shower is in two weeks. Ive tried for two days in a row now to get in touch with her and she's ignoring my phone calls, text messages, and even facebook messages. I dont know what else to do at this point. I was talking to my aunt earlier today and she, being the amazing person she is, is stepping up and says she'll help me in whatever way possible. I feel so embarrassed that Im going to have to call everyone and tell them that the shower location has changed. Im not even sure how Im supposed to go about doing this. Do I tell them that the host backed out? Or do I just act like the location has changed and nothing else. If my aunt wasnt willing to help I would just cancel the shower. I hate that something that is supposed to be so exciting and fun is being turned into something stressful. This is not what I want to look back and remember my baby shower as being. 

Wipz

That sucks.. but I would take the higher road and just tell them location changed and not explain why.  If she's just throwing a tantrum, and still expects to host, then she's the one sitting there looking stupid when everyone else ends up at a diff location. 

Just don't turn it into some petty *** fight on Facebook, text emails etc...

MomOfTwo2012

Ive just sent her one private message on facebook and thats it. Ive pretty much left it up to my husband to get a definite answer from her. Im not interested in feeding into her drama. She's 25 years old and is acting like a twelve year old. 

Wipz

I know  it's against the whole ettiquette thing in this circumstance... but I've always held with the "If you want something done right, do it yourself"  ideal...

and for that and a host of other reasons, I turned down all offers of baby showers.  I really hope you get this smoothed out and have a fun shower. 

BitsKD13

I agree with Wipz, just tell them the location changed.  If people push just say something came up and a switch needed to be made.  

MomOfTwo2012

nonasimonsen:

Yes it's crappy what she is doing, but she may not have backed out. She may be giving you te silent treatment but still getting things ready for the shower and is waiting to cool off. She probably is the type of person that needs you to appologize to her (even if she was in the wrong) and then everything will go back to normal in a few days. Worth a try? Swing by their house with a muffin basket or something. Who knows the baby shower could still all be on track and she's just being a meany!

I wish she could be that understanding. No she's still ignoring me. My husband finally got in touch with his brother who confirmed that she's no longer hosting it. After throwing myself a miny pity party my mother in law called to say that she will host it and its now going to be at her house. 

Texas77again

OMG, that is some drama llama.  she's a biitch, ignore her and enjoy your baby shower!  def do NOT explain why you are changing the venue for the party.  in fact, can your MIL do it for you?  you don't need any stress right now. 

 

SpiffyTiffy

Wipz:

That sucks.. but I would take the higher road and just tell them location changed and not explain why.  If she's just throwing a tantrum, and still expects to host, then she's the one sitting there looking stupid when everyone else ends up at a diff location. 

Just don't turn it into some petty *** fight on Facebook, text emails etc...

 

This is exactly what I was thinking. Sorry you have to deal with the crap, but it will only become a ridiculous mess if you start telling everyone what happened. 

LillyGrrl

Well that sucks, she sounds like a real winner though. I think you figured out that after this there is no saving the relationship (at least I hope you did).  I'd be kind but not friendly the next time you see her.  She's clearly very immature.

MomOfTwo2012

LGLDVM:

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I can't imagine what a fight could have been over that would have resorted to her acting this way. Why was she so upset with you?

I'm not planning on telling anyone in my family what happened. I feel like its only letting her win if I start telling those who are invited to the shower. Here is what happened though..

A few days before Christmas my husband's younger brother was in a really bad car wreck. A semi truck ran him off the road and into a guard rail. They had to use the jaws of life to get him out. We got a car about 1am from a family member telling us about the wreck. My husband was at the hospital within ten minutes. At the same time the family member called my husband's older brother to tell him what happened. Im not sure how the conversation went but he went back to bed after hanging up the phone and that was the last anyone heard from him until Christmas. He never called his brother or visited him any while he was in ICU for four days. Now I was talking to his wife (the one who was supposed to host the shower) on wednesday and she said that everyone in the family was apparently talking about her husband behind his back saying that it was wrong of him not to show up or at least call. I simply reminded her that everyone dropped what they were doing when her husband needed emergency surgery a few years ago and Im guessing thats where their frustration is coming from. I then added that Adam (who is the one who got into the wreck) is entitled to feel upset with her husband. Everyone is entitled to their own feelings. And I told her the way the rest of the feels doesnt matter because the issue is between the two brothers. This is the point where she flipped out and said she couldnt believe everyone was giving him such a hard time and that her husband works a lot which is why he didnt show up to the hospital. I told her no, Im not giving him a hard time Im just trying to make you understand where everyone is coming from. My husband works 12 hours a day, six days a week so we understand what its like to have your job consume your life. This is when she ended the conversation and had been ignoring me ever since. Sorry that was long....but thats what happened.

RaeJ004

MomOfTwo2012:

LGLDVM:

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I can't imagine what a fight could have been over that would have resorted to her acting this way. Why was she so upset with you?

I'm not planning on telling anyone in my family what happened. I feel like its only letting her win if I start telling those who are invited to the shower. Here is what happened though..

A few days before Christmas my husband's younger brother was in a really bad car wreck. A semi truck ran him off the road and into a guard rail. They had to use the jaws of life to get him out. We got a car about 1am from a family member telling us about the wreck. My husband was at the hospital within ten minutes. At the same time the family member called my husband's older brother to tell him what happened. Im not sure how the conversation went but he went back to bed after hanging up the phone and that was the last anyone heard from him until Christmas. He never called his brother or visited him any while he was in ICU for four days. Now I was talking to his wife (the one who was supposed to host the shower) on wednesday and she said that everyone in the family was apparently talking about her husband behind his back saying that it was wrong of him not to show up or at least call. I simply reminded her that everyone dropped what they were doing when her husband needed emergency surgery a few years ago and Im guessing thats where their frustration is coming from. I then added that Adam (who is the one who got into the wreck) is entitled to feel upset with her husband. Everyone is entitled to their own feelings. And I told her the way the rest of the feels doesnt matter because the issue is between the two brothers. This is the point where she flipped out and said she couldnt believe everyone was giving him such a hard time and that her husband works a lot which is why he didnt show up to the hospital. I told her no, Im not giving him a hard time Im just trying to make you understand where everyone is coming from. My husband works 12 hours a day, six days a week so we understand what its like to have your job consume your life. This is when she ended the conversation and had been ignoring me ever since. Sorry that was long....but thats what happened.

I was expecting some petty crap, "she said this, he said this" blah blah blah.  The story you just told is making me angry!  I totally understand every family has different dynamics and expectations, but that's his brother!  WTF?