"Mom" ain't "Sexy" — The Bump
Babies: 9 - 12 Months

"Mom" ain't "Sexy"

I think pregnancy killed my sex appeal.  We have been intimate (with our clothes off) ONCE since I started showing.  Because of a complication with the baby during pregnancy I was told by doctors to stop ALL activity at week 30.  ...Instead we stopped at week 25 (the one and only time after I started showing a bump).

The birthing process didn't do much to turn my husband on.  Neither did the giant boobs when my milk came in.  ...The leaking and squirting of milk didn't tickle his fancy either, strangely enough. 

The combo of me being healthy duing pregnancy, delivering a tiny baby, nursing, and working out after delivery has helped me lose all my baby fat PLUS some AND my cup size went up, but the hubby still ain't horny.

It's been 9 months since I delivered the baby and 12 months since our last intimate night with each other... not that I'm counting or anything.  How do you rekindle the romance? Or do I just need to enjoy this "time off" and realize that our relationship is fine without the sex?

Re: "Mom" ain't "Sexy"

  • Though I don't have much room to talk since we seem to only have sex about 1 time a month we do other things we didn't do before.  We discussed role plays, we got a sex book with pictures and discussed things we might enjoy, we have done massages that were intimate just not intercourse, we have purchased a few toys, we have HBO and have watched a few of the adult only discussions like "real sex." and had a few good laughs.   

    Start with a sex book to chat things up.  Guide to sex or Kama Sutra (sp) book.  See if that helps.  You might just go get one and when you lay down to go to bed bring it out and read next to him.  That is what I did.  He looked over and started ready over my shoulder. 

    2nd EDD 02/01/13 - MC 5 1/2 weeks 6/5/12. Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Pregnancy Ticker
  • Hugs, mama. That sounds rough. I'm sorry you went through all of that, but glad that you have a healthy happy LO to show for it! 

    Babies are tough on a relationship, and lack of sex is tough on a relationship too. Lots of factors here. Dads sometimes get the baby blues too, you know? I think talking to a professional would definitely be beneficial to you guys. Avoidance is never the answer, and it seems a bit more complicated than simply, "DH doesn't like when mah bewbs squirt." kwim? Just seems like a lot going on here.


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  • We talk and laugh and joke.  Still go grocery shopping together and spend time with each other's families.  We love cooking together, and watching movies --he'll even watch my favorite black and white movies and I'll watch his favorite action packed movies.  I think we have a good relationship; our friends would likely think we have a normal relationship with nothing missing (we obviously haven't told anybody about the no-sex thing).  ...oh, but then there's that whole "no-sex" thing...
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    We talk and laugh and joke.  Still go grocery shopping together and spend time with each other's families.  We love cooking together, and watching movies --he'll even watch my favorite black and white movies and I'll watch his favorite action packed movies.  I think we have a good relationship; our friends would likely think we have a normal relationship with nothing missing (we obviously haven't told anybody about the no-sex thing).  ...oh, but then there's that whole "no-sex" thing...

    Do you talk to him about it? I know after DD was born we went about 3 months without it before I finally spoke up and now we are normally once a week (hoping this picks up once we move DD to her own room). If you do talk to him what does he say? 

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  • image off center outie:
    We talk and laugh and joke.  Still go grocery shopping together and spend time with each other's families.  We love cooking together, and watching movies --he'll even watch my favorite black and white movies and I'll watch his favorite action packed movies.  I think we have a good relationship; our friends would likely think we have a normal relationship with nothing missing (we obviously haven't told anybody about the no-sex thing).  ...oh, but then there's that whole "no-sex" thing...

    I find that a bit hard to believe. If it is true, then.. I don't know.. I just don't understand how everything can be so normal with the elephant sized boner in the room.

    So have you two talked about it at all? Does he say he isn't in the mood? Are you in the mood? Also, ftr, this is not an issue of mama losing any sex appeal. I know I said this already, but yeah- sounds like a bigger issue, here. 

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  • Time for a chat with him, in a neutral place (not in bed), ask him if he misses it, tell him you do, ask if he likes the idea of getting a sitter so you can have a night to reconnect.  Hopefully he's into the idea.  I think you are just in a rut and the longer you let it go on, the harder it will be to get out of it.  I don't think there is anything wrong with scheduling it either.  Some may scoff at the lack of spontaneity, but you do what you need to in order to keep your marriage spark. 
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