CP: How much do you love your DH? — The Bump
Parenting after a Loss

CP: How much do you love your DH?

Just thought it would be interesting to see. If the amount of love you have for your LO is a 10, where would DH rank?
[Poll]
My Chart

My Life

BFP 7.7.09 - CVS 9.10.09 (Girl) - 9.24.09 Severe Fatal Malformation - D&E 10.7.09 @ 17wks
BFP 6.1.10 - 6.10.10 Ectopic M/C @ 5wks
BFP 10.26.10 - 10.29.10 CP
BFP 1.30.11 - CVS 3.28.11 (Girl) - EDD 10.11.11 - Born 10.6.11
BFP 12.18.12 - 12.20.12 CP
BFP 3.18.13 - CVS 5.21.13 (Girl) - EDD 12.2.13 - Born 11.24.13
BFP 6.10.14 - CVS 7.2.14 (Girl) - EDD 1.12.15 - Born sleeping 8.6.14 @ 17w5d

Re: CP: How much do you love your DH?

  • If Amelia scores a ten, then Pat would be like a 9.4.  He knows he is slightly under A and is cool with it... I think it's mutual- ha.  
    ***** TTCAL/Forever Buddy to Cour10e******
    -m/c at 11w2d due to partial molar 2008 -m/c #2 2009
    Beautiful daughter born February 2011
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    **Ultimate TTCALer 2009**

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  • This is kind of an upsetting question! I mean I don't mind you asking, I love exploring these complex philosophical conundrums, but it's hard to answer. I put 9 after contemplating 10, I feel like I may not love him quite as much only because if I had to choose between him and DD for some reason, I'd pick DD without hesitation and expect him to do the same. But I don't know if that means I love him less or it's just a natural part of being a parent to put your kids above everyone else.
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  • I chose 10....I am obsessed with both of them and if I was asked to choose I think I'd beg they take me instead. I'm not sure if that makes me a bad mom?
    BFP #1 6/18/10 Saw HB 7/15/10 Missed M/C 8/17/10 @ 12 weeks 2 days- 2 D&C's( 8/20 and 8/26) BFP#2 11/21/10 Nonviable at 5wks, possible ectopic. Methotrexate 12/3/10&12/9/10 BFP#3 3/10/11 [email protected] 39 [email protected] 160! 21 DPO 2439 HB at 7wks 127 EDD 11/17/11
    ITS A BOY!!!! Born 11/13/11 BFP #4: 10/29/12 edd 7/11/12
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  • I picked 9, but it's really hard.  It's a very different kind of love.  DS is totally dependent on me, and loves/needs me absolutely.  I love him back, the same way.  I'm his only mommy, and he came out needing and loving me; he didn't really have a say in who his mommy would be, and would probably love me no matter what, at this age.

    DH loves and respects me, and has a choice in the matter. He could not love me, and that would suck.  He picked me, and continues to pick me every day - and vice versa.  So he gets points for the voluntary bit.  He gets negative points for playing Modern Warfare 3 until 2am and farting in my general direction.  ;)

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  • imageitsmegin:
    I put 9 after contemplating 10, I feel like I may not love him quite as much only because if I had to choose between him and DD for some reason, I'd pick DD without hesitation and expect him to do the same. But I don't know if that means I love him less or it's just a natural part of being a parent to put your kids above everyone else.
    me too. I think it's because I'm more protective of her whereas DH can take care of himself. This also leads DH to being as a$$ sometimes whereas A hasn't developed those abilities yet. I will make an effort once A is bigger to keep my & DH's relationship the priority because setting a good example of a healthy relationship is a part of being a good parent, and, once A is all grown up & moved out, I'm still here with DH. 
    *Married 10.10.08*
     image
    TTC #1 9.09 - BFP#1:2.18.10= missed m/c, D&C 4.16
    BFP#2:10.22.10=Avelin born 7.2.11
    TTC#2: 2.13 - BFP#3: 7.25.13=Kelsey born 3.31.14
  • imageksulli:
    imageitsmegin:
    I put 9 after contemplating 10, I feel like I may not love him quite as much only because if I had to choose between him and DD for some reason, I'd pick DD without hesitation and expect him to do the same. But I don't know if that means I love him less or it's just a natural part of being a parent to put your kids above everyone else.
    me too. I think it's because I'm more protective of her whereas DH can take care of himself. This also leads DH to being as a$$ sometimes whereas A hasn't developed those abilities yet. I will make an effort once A is bigger to keep my & DH's relationship the priority because setting a good example of a healthy relationship is a part of being a good parent, and, once A is all grown up & moved out, I'm still here with DH. 
    Excellent point! My parents provided me with an example of how putting your kids too much ahead of each other is bad. They are the most miserable empty nesters ever, it's getting better since DD came into the picture, and sadly my mom's illness has brought them closer but it's absolutely critical to me to have a strong relationship with DH that doesn't depend on our kids. We were married almost 6 years before she was born though so we have some practice with it being just us.
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  • I put 7.  Just because we are struggling right now.  I don't love him less, really.  Just like him less.  And that's just right now in this moment.  We're working on making it better.
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  • imageKCKSarah:
    I don't love him less, really.  Just like him less.  And that's just right now in this moment.  We're working on making it better.
    Totally know the feeling. I found it actually helped to admit it, and talk about working on it together.  Just knowing that "we" are trying to be better made it better because there was a "we" again.
    *Married 10.10.08*
     image
    TTC #1 9.09 - BFP#1:2.18.10= missed m/c, D&C 4.16
    BFP#2:10.22.10=Avelin born 7.2.11
    TTC#2: 2.13 - BFP#3: 7.25.13=Kelsey born 3.31.14
  • imageksulli:
    imageKCKSarah:
    I don't love him less, really.  Just like him less.  And that's just right now in this moment.  We're working on making it better.
    Totally know the feeling. I found it actually helped to admit it, and talk about working on it together.  Just knowing that "we" are trying to be better made it better because there was a "we" again.

    Thank you for telling me that.  I feel a little bad putting it out there.  But at the same times it cathartic to just say it, too.  KWIM?

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  • DH makes it known that I am no longer his number 1 girl. I don't think he loves me less, just loves her more?

    I feel the same way, I guess. I don't love him any less than I did before, but since having DD, I know that my love for her is absolutely unconditional. 

    Part of it also has to do with the fact that he and I haven't had much "bonding time" since she's been born. 

    My Chart

    My Life

    BFP 7.7.09 - CVS 9.10.09 (Girl) - 9.24.09 Severe Fatal Malformation - D&E 10.7.09 @ 17wks
    BFP 6.1.10 - 6.10.10 Ectopic M/C @ 5wks
    BFP 10.26.10 - 10.29.10 CP
    BFP 1.30.11 - CVS 3.28.11 (Girl) - EDD 10.11.11 - Born 10.6.11
    BFP 12.18.12 - 12.20.12 CP
    BFP 3.18.13 - CVS 5.21.13 (Girl) - EDD 12.2.13 - Born 11.24.13
    BFP 6.10.14 - CVS 7.2.14 (Girl) - EDD 1.12.15 - Born sleeping 8.6.14 @ 17w5d
  • imageKCKSarah:

    imageksulli:
    imageKCKSarah:
    I don't love him less, really.  Just like him less.  And that's just right now in this moment.  We're working on making it better.
    Totally know the feeling. I found it actually helped to admit it, and talk about working on it together.  Just knowing that "we" are trying to be better made it better because there was a "we" again.

    Thank you for telling me that.  I feel a little bad putting it out there.  But at the same times it cathartic to just say it, too.  KWIM?

    I'm glad you guys are working on it, and for the record, had this poll been taken in early 2010 DH would have scored about a -2, we have not been without our share of ups and downs!
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  • imageitsmegin:
    imageKCKSarah:

    imageksulli:
    imageKCKSarah:
    I don't love him less, really.  Just like him less.  And that's just right now in this moment.  We're working on making it better.
    Totally know the feeling. I found it actually helped to admit it, and talk about working on it together.  Just knowing that "we" are trying to be better made it better because there was a "we" again.

    Thank you for telling me that.  I feel a little bad putting it out there.  But at the same times it cathartic to just say it, too.  KWIM?

    I'm glad you guys are working on it, and for the record, had this poll been taken in early 2010 DH would have scored about a -2, we have not been without our share of ups and downs!
    I find that how he & I are doing is strongly related to how well A is letting us sleep. I suspect that means we'll all continue doing better.
    *Married 10.10.08*
     image
    TTC #1 9.09 - BFP#1:2.18.10= missed m/c, D&C 4.16
    BFP#2:10.22.10=Avelin born 7.2.11
    TTC#2: 2.13 - BFP#3: 7.25.13=Kelsey born 3.31.14
  • imagejulesjb:
    I chose 10....I am obsessed with both of them and if I was asked to choose I think I'd beg they take me instead. I'm not sure if that makes me a bad mom?

    This. I love them the same, just different.

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  • I put 10.  Seeing him with Kellen has made me love him even more.  He isn't a very emotional guy at all and very level with his feelings.  But seeing him with her over the last 4 months shows me how much love he is capable of having for something and it makes me so in love with him.

    I would die if anything happened to either of them. 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 

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  • Well...DH is currently taking care of me (I just had foot surgery yesterday), the baby (who is teething), the cat (who just had 3 teeth extracted Thursday) and still hasn't lost his mind - I think I'd put him down as an 11 if I could...

    But on a normal day-to-day basis, I'd say a 10.  The love is different, but no less deep or strong as the love I have for L. 

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