Hello

sgrobste

Hey everyone,

How was everyone's holiday?  My DS was so excited when he woke up christmas morning and saw his desk.  But, santa forget dry erase markers so we had to go to a 24 hour walgreens to buy them Other than that, it was a great christmas. 

In the SAIF world, we are working on completing all of the surrogacy stuff.  We meet with the Dr. next weekend to talk about everything and I am also sending my records to LA tomorrow.  I am hoping that this is a one and done process because I am not sure how much I can deal with.  I am still seeing my psychologist and she is really helping me to let go of all of the people that have not been there for me during this process.  Have any of you experienced that?  People sho you thought would be your support but do not call, e-mail or even text to see how you are? 

JMay

Glad to here things are moving along with the surrogate!  Also glad to know you are working well with you therapist.  I'm sad to say the first person I think of who has not really been there as I expected is DH, and I'm not letting go of him.   I guess I never thought that people "should" support me, and there are plenty I never talk to about the issue at all.  I have one good friend who absolutely has no ability to comprehend what IF is like, and she never asks, so I never really share much beyond the general.  I feel that I have to understand that not everyone is going to feel my pain or even have the ability to empathize, so I don't expect it.  There are also well meaning friends who say the dumbest sh*t - their intentions are good but the results are usually a disaster.  Again, I'm glad they don't know first hand what it's like, and I tend to give points for the intention.  But, these are also good friends whom I have known for more than 20 years, so they have proven their friendship to me in other ways time and time again.  I guess what I'm saying is that some people deserve a little flexibility - no one really knows how to deal with or support a friend going through IF.  Even my DH throws his hands up and chooses to avoid me rather than sit with me and my pain - it gets too hard for some people.  That's their weakness, but not necessarily a sign that they don't care.  But if you feel healthier for pruning your list of friends to those who have been able to fill your needs for support, then more power to you!  This is a tough journey, and it's a good idea to know who will stand by you through it.  GL!

lillinzlou

Jmay said it well. But, I will also add that I also don't expect muchsupport from my inner circle. This is something that is hard to empathizewith if you've never been through it. Also, I find my "people" justdon't know what to say and feel bad, but uncomfortable. That's why Ihave put most of my faith in DH. I don't really like talking about itWith too many people. However, I have come to despise the head tilt, "Aw, you can't have a baby. How sad,"look that I kept getting. I'drather no support at all than pity. That being said, I have prunedpeople out of my life for one reason or another. Mostly because Ididn't feel they were adding anything positive to my life. I havefound my life to be much more fulfilling and joyful with out them. Goodluck in the coming months and please keep us updated....this was frommy phone. Please excuse the crappy formatting:)