For moms with IL problems

linzica

have things with your ILs gotten better or worse since LO was born?

Do you ever feel like you're waiting for your ILs to screw up?

If so, do they disappoint?

What's your biggest fear with you ILs and your LO?

linzica

I ask because I am truly struggling with these issues with MIL. We have never really gotten along, and had some very serious issues in the past but we have been repairing the damage.

However, while I love that she loves my child so much, i resent her so badly that I worry I'm taking offense to things I shouldn't.

The problems is that when she does strike, it's so amazing self centered and childish that it just blindsides me and I'm totally unprepared.

I'm scared that in an attempt to make my son love her more than me (yes, she really truly wants that) she will constantly be undermining me and trying to spoil him. She does this now with her daughters kids but at least respects her daughter enough to stop when asked. I certainly will not sit by idly and let this happen, but it's going to make for one hell of a struggle, and I'm going to have a hard time determining where to draw the line.

backinpgh

It's hard to say, because most of our IL problems stem from them talking about us behind our backs. We never find out until after the fact and who knows what the whole truth is...ugh.

CMheart1011

linzica:

I ask because I am truly struggling with these issues with MIL. We have never really gotten along, and had some very serious issues in the past but we have been repairing the damage.

However, while I love that she loves my child so much, i resent her so badly that I worry I'm taking offense to things I shouldn't.

The problems is that when she does strike, it's so amazing self centered and childish that it just blindsides me and I'm totally unprepared.

I'm scared that in an attempt to make my son love her more than me (yes, she really truly wants that) she will constantly be undermining me and trying to spoil him. She does this now with her daughters kids but at least respects her daughter enough to stop when asked. I certainly will not sit by idly and let this happen, but it's going to make for one hell of a struggle, and I'm going to have a hard time determining where to draw the line.

I feel like I could have written this myself.  My MIL acts childish and selfish all the time, then apologizes with the excuse that "she just got excited."  DH also uses that excuse for her, even when he agrees that she's done wrong.  It makes me mad.  She's been like that since our wedding planning days 3.5 years ago.  She makes everything about her and pouts when she doesn't get her way, acting like I'm being mean to her.  And everytime we're around her now, she seems to want to get the baby alone.  She doesn't just want to hold her, she wants to take her in another room and play and take pictures of her, and call her husband in to watch, and she doesn't seem to want me in there.  I think it's because she always wanted a girl herself and never got one.  But when we're with her, she acts like it's her baby and seems to want me completely out of the picture.

 

linzica

CMheart1011:

linzica:

I ask because I am truly struggling with these issues with MIL. We have never really gotten along, and had some very serious issues in the past but we have been repairing the damage.

However, while I love that she loves my child so much, i resent her so badly that I worry I'm taking offense to things I shouldn't.

The problems is that when she does strike, it's so amazing self centered and childish that it just blindsides me and I'm totally unprepared.

I'm scared that in an attempt to make my son love her more than me (yes, she really truly wants that) she will constantly be undermining me and trying to spoil him. She does this now with her daughters kids but at least respects her daughter enough to stop when asked. I certainly will not sit by idly and let this happen, but it's going to make for one hell of a struggle, and I'm going to have a hard time determining where to draw the line.

I feel like I could have written this myself.  My MIL acts childish and selfish all the time, then apologizes with the excuse that "she just got excited."  DH also uses that excuse for her, even when he agrees that she's done wrong.  It makes me mad.  She's been like that since our wedding planning days 3.5 years ago.  She makes everything about her and pouts when she doesn't get her way, acting like I'm being mean to her.  And everytime we're around her now, she seems to want to get the baby alone.  She doesn't just want to hold her, she wants to take her in another room and play and take pictures of her, and call her husband in to watch, and she doesn't seem to want me in there.  I think it's because she always wanted a girl herself and never got one.  But when we're with her, she acts like it's her baby and seems to want me completely out of the picture.

 

yeah, MIL will go as far as to actually take him when i have my back turned and HIDE WITH HIM. I put up with it for about 15 minutes before i start to get panicky about not knowing where, in her massive house, my child is.

SIL told me she did the same with her, going as far as to lock the door to the room she was in. Maybe that was okay with her but if I ever found a door locked, i would not bring my child back. Ever.

angel2288

have things with your ILs gotten better or worse since LO was born? they have been the sam

Do you ever feel like you're waiting for your ILs to screw up? I think its more that i dread/ anticipate what they are going to do or say based on the past issues we have had

If so, do they disappoint? MIL never disappoints me...didnt she tell you? She is perfect >sarcasm<

What's your biggest fear with you ILs and your LO? that while she does love my kids, she will always love BILs more and my kids will know that they are "second best"

stephnchris13

CMheart1011:

I feel like I could have written this myself.  My MIL acts childish and selfish all the time, then apologizes with the excuse that "she just got excited."  DH also uses that excuse for her, even when he agrees that she's done wrong.  It makes me mad.  She's been like that since our wedding planning days 3.5 years ago.  She makes everything about her and pouts when she doesn't get her way, acting like I'm being mean to her.  And everytime we're around her now, she seems to want to get the baby alone.  She doesn't just want to hold her, she wants to take her in another room and play and take pictures of her, and call her husband in to watch, and she doesn't seem to want me in there.  I think it's because she always wanted a girl herself and never got one.  But when we're with her, she acts like it's her baby and seems to want me completely out of the picture.

Wow, I just noticed this too!  When DH and I were at MIL's house on Christmas she disappeared with DD at least 3 separate times for a few minutes at a time.  The first time I just thought she needed to get something from her bedroom, but the one time DD was laying on a blanket on the floor with a few of us sitting right next to her.  MIL picked her up to take her into her bedroom then called her husband in there and all I could hear was them whispering.  I was getting really annoyed, but I told myself I was just being paranoid.  I figured it was just because I was still upset from earlier in the evening when she wanted to get a 4-generation picture and announced several times that she only wanted her, her mom, H and DD in the picture.  The same thing happened on my wedding day when she made my photographer take pictures of just her & her sons after the ceremony....while our guests were waiting on us at the reception hall.  Too weird!

becasmeca

Hmmm why do our inlaws cause such grief? I will never be good enough for mine. No matter how perfect I or our son is. My BIL's son who is 6 months older than LO will be adored and spoiled more than DS! It is pretty awful, but it is a big reason why we moved where we wanted so we did not see Their Bias. You ladies have it pretty bad! I would flip if I felt my MIL was trying to convince my son to love her more or take him in rooms without me knowing. 

To the pp who said her MIL think she is perfect! I have one of those! In fact, her mom and everyone else in her family refers to her as "precious"!!! How can I measure up to that?  

stephnchris13

and to answer the questions...

linzica:

have things with your ILs gotten better or worse since LO was born?  Worse!!  We never had problems before.  Even when I was pregnant everyone was super nice to me.  Now, MIL has been talking about me behind my back to other IL's making them think I'm keeping her from seeing DD and FIL never lets anyone else hold DD when he's around no matter how often he sees her.  I felt like I wasn't allowed to hold my own daughter on her first Christmas.

Do you ever feel like you're waiting for your ILs to screw up? Waiting- yes. Hoping- no.

If so, do they disappoint? most of the time, but I think it's more because I'm still upset over other other things so I notice a lot more now.

What's your biggest fear with you ILs and your LO? I don't want DD to know that there's tension between us and I definitely don't want to blow up at them for whatever may throw me over the edge.  I am very thankful that she has so many people that love her so much and I want her to have a good relationship with all of her relatives.  I would feel awful if I was to ruin it for her.

kelyr1

linzica:

I ask because I am truly struggling with these issues with MIL. We have never really gotten along, and had some very serious issues in the past but we have been repairing the damage.

However, while I love that she loves my child so much, i resent her so badly that I worry I'm taking offense to things I shouldn't.

The problems is that when she does strike, it's so amazing self centered and childish that it just blindsides me and I'm totally unprepared.

I'm scared that in an attempt to make my son love her more than me (yes, she really truly wants that) she will constantly be undermining me and trying to spoil him. She does this now with her daughters kids but at least respects her daughter enough to stop when asked. I certainly will not sit by idly and let this happen, but it's going to make for one hell of a struggle, and I'm going to have a hard time determining where to draw the line.

This is me with my OWN mother.  We are in counseling right now and she doesn't get it.  She has now refused to continue counseling because she feels like she is "getting beat up" and that even the counselor isn't trying to see her point of view.  It is absolutely ridiculous and I don't know how to deal with it.  Sucks, doesn't it?