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Multiples
How do you respond to "Holy crap, twins"
We told DH's extended family yesterday since we got the ok from our RE when we graduated. Everybody is really excited, but there was
also a lot of, "Wow, that's going to be really hard. How are you going to do it? I barely managed one." I'm a FTM, so I know it's going to be really hard,
but it's not like I have a single pregnancy/birth to compare it to. And really, it's not like I'm going to send one of them back. Also, I'm a teacher so I know it's not the same, but I calculated the "kid hours" that I log per week, and it's more than 24 x 2, so it's not like I have completely no idea what I'm doing. Is there ever a good response to the naysayers?
Edit: I teach preschool, so in some ways,
I'm a professional diaper changer. Obviously it's still different than having your own, but a lot less different.
ttc since 02/10
first RE visit 01/11
Clomid + TI 03/11, 04/11, 05/11
IUI 06/11, 07/11
IVF #1 - BFN 
FET - 11/11 beta 11/21/11
BFP!!! 
. Beta 1 - 319, Beta 2 - 921
1st ultrasound 12/1 TWINS!!
FET - 11/11 beta 11/21/11
BFP!!! . Beta 1 - 319, Beta 2 - 921
1st ultrasound 12/1 TWINS!!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: How do you respond to "Holy crap, twins"
I just smile and say "It will be hard but we're looking forward to the challenge!"
They are right -- it *will* be hard -- and family/friends usually say it out of concern. So smiling and moving on usually works
Yep, pretty much this. Just tell them you'll have a helper sign-up sheet so they can volunteer for several shifts the first few weeks
I just always respond that it is indeed hard. It is! I taught for 11 years and it is so different than teaching. Your own kids are a lot different than the ones you're teaching and sending home at the end of the day.
Like I said, I just agree with them because they are right.
well at first i was like 'holy sh*t, i know.". we already have a toddler so the comments are even more along the lines of "how are you going to DO it??". and then when i say we are getting a nanny they are like, all relieved...they'll say 'OOHhh, okay, whew!!". like it's even their concern! and just bc we are getting a nanny doesnt mean it's not going to be hard, we are only getting one 3X a week for 8 hours a day. actually the nanny thing is what saves me from further comments.
I usually tell people, "we'll figure it out" I also often joke about letting people borrow a baby, or how I think my mom will just take one home for herself.
I also got prego with my babies a month after our wedding, and we got engaged 3 months after meeting, so I just tell people we like to do things fast, make some kind of joke out of it.
I also have lots of people ask me where I'm going to "put" my babies, because I'm 5"1 and petite. that one bugs me more than anything because it's like they're saying I can't carry my babies. But, again, I tell them the body can do amazing things, look at octamom. lol.
hang in there, it is annoying to hear all that but the show Make Room for Multiples on TLC gives me some strength.
ID Twin girls 04/2012
Baby #3 Due Jan. 2017
"I guess we'll muddle through, just like everybody else does."
Alternatively, you can try, "Can I sign you up to help on a Thursday in June?"
I just tend to say something along the lines of "yep, it's going to be a wild ride," or something to that effect.
It doesn't sound like people are necessarily being naysayers in your case, though I could be mistaken. A lot of people just say strange, dumb and even sometimes slightly offensive things while just trying to make conversation. It's annoying, but I've found that as the weeks of my pregnancy tick by the things that come out of people's mouths gets more and more idiotic (ok, so that could just be my hormones). So far I just smile and nod.
What's a FTM?
Honestly, your relatives reactions were my first reactions when I got the news, so it's understandable. I wouldn't exactly categorize them as "naysayers" - I think they're likely just shocked. If they continue to make comments like that for the duration of the pregnancy, you could always just say that you know you'll figure it out and that those kinds of comments aren't helpful at this point.
When random strangers say that, it's different. Just give the canned "we'll make it work!" and move on with your day.
As far as teaching students vs. parenting twins.....twins ARE hard. Having two newborns is very different than teaching elementary school kids Mon-Fri. I know you'll be great and make it work (we all did!), but don't set yourself up to be shocked! It's a huge challenge, and while you don't have a singleton pregnancy/ singleton to compare it to, others do. That's why they know how hard it will be!!
The problem is the ones that tell you how hard it's going to be are never the ones that volunteer to help.
I always just shrugged, or was honest and told them that the doctors and I were so worried about them in utero that I was still worried I wouldn't get to that stressful point of juggling two newborns.
I wish I had said "We may need a lot of help" more often. If each of those people had visited us once and held a baby for an hour while one of us opened mail, cooked dinner, or cuddled with our toddler, my DH and I might not have ended up feeling so depressed and alone.
ditto, haha! What CAN you say?
Yep. I didn't look at it as naysaying; just acknowledging that we'd have a challenge in front of us. Then hey, you'll get kudos when you show them how well you manage after all. I like the signup sheet idea, too.
To me that was less annoying than people who tried to tell me how jealous they were b/c they'd always wanted twins, or how easy it would be because they'd entertain each other. Yeah ... not quite the case with infants. In fact my boys are just now, at almost 3, starting to play with each other for more than a minute here or there throughout the week.
FTM = First Time Mom
*my twins actually have entertained one another since about 7 or 8 months. From what I've read on here from many people, I do think my twins are abnormally close (they rarely if ever fight and are almost always together).
Yep, I am familiar with the FTM abbreviation but I haven't seen it used much on TB compared to other boards.
And from what I've heard, there does seem to be a wide range of how much twins interact at different ages. Mine would entertain each other for a few minutes here and there as young as 6-7 months but when they were 10m I ended up at a table full of singleton parents (at a church function) who all just kept going on about how, "Oh, you're SO lucky they have each other! It's so hard with just one! They want you to play with them ALL the time but with two they can just play with each other and you can get stuff done!" And they were completely serious. Especially with the boys at only 10m, I just had to smile and nod that they thought the few minutes here and there of my boys giggling at each other (as delightful as that was!) would actually make parenting easier than if I just had one.
Maybe by 3-4 but with my boys, definitely not any younger, not with twice the feedings and diaper changes, twice the wake-ups, twice the fussing and meltdowns, two heavy babies to lug in and out of stores and up and down stairs, twice the teething, etc. 
OP - Please listen to women who have been teachers before! Even if you do teach preschool, it's completely different than being a MoM! Hell, my friends that had 2 or more kids (and were SAHMs) were overwhelmed when they came to help me with my infant twins! That should tell you something!
I do think that'll probably help a little, but maybe not as much as you're anticipating. I have two preschoolers now and they are *so different* from newborns!! (Harder in some ways, easier in others.
) Having two crying preschoolers--unless you're out in public 
--isn't nearly as stressful as having two crying newborns. Their needs are so different and I felt much more guilty having to let a newborn cry while I cleaned up his brother's massive blowout than I do now if one of them is sobbing because I turned off the TV or because I told him that no, he can't have a cookie because it's almost time for lunch. It makes a big difference when they can understand what you say to them so you can calm them with your words from across the room while attending to their brother. (Even if they still cry, I know I've done what I can for now and they're just getting the emotions out.) Also much easier when they can walk over to you when they need a cuddle, communicate their needs and wants, etc.
Of course, with preschoolers you're dealing with tantrums and behavior issues so there's a whole different set of stresses that you'll be more prepared for.
Mine are really close too. They play together A LOT, and I can actually get 30 min intervals where they are doing something together, laughing, and completely happy. They are constantly hugging each other and inventing games together. It's funny.
In comparison, I have a friend with twins who are slightly older. Hers don't interact much and one of them won't even let the other sit near her, or be on her mom's lap with her at the same time. Very different than my girls.
Sometimes I wonder if it's an ID thing b/c hers are frat. Are yours ID Aussie? I can't remember.
my cousin who knew i was having IF issues said something to me like how are you going to do it? to which i said like PP Said....i would rather have two than none!
but for people who are less aware of my IF probe i just tell them i will get help...i mean do i have any clue what that help will be?? ...nope. but it does tend to shut people up...
my mom's friend told me she wants to watch me next year when i have three kids under 5....as if to say ...good luck with that....
people are morons...just gotta know it and be thrilled for your blessings.