Bored? Family WWYD inside

GuitaristsGirl

We have a family member who frequently buys the children gifts.  My guess is she spends a lot of money on them - not because they're super fancy, but because a) she refuses to sale shop, and b) thinks that money spent is equal to love shown.  (FTR, I realize that gift giving is how she shows love and am sensitive to that.)  She never asks questions (their sizes, interests, wants, needs, etc.)

We are grateful for her generosity, but oftentimes the gifts quite simply just don't end up being used. . . The size is wrong, or it's something the kids already have, or something that they just aren't interested in, or even it's something that DH and I aren't on board with for whatever reason [some of which are just personal preferences (often not that important, we can get over it) and some of which are more value-based (are important and we're inclined to stick to!)].

WWYD?

When she gives a gift out of the blue. . . lie?  Gush about how great it is and, when she asks how they like it or asks for a photo, make something up?  Or. . . ???

If you know a gift is coming. . . say, "Oh, thanks for the thought, but they're pretty good with [instert contemplated gift here] right now,"  or just, "Oh, that sounds great, can't wait. . ."

We know that we can't control what she does with her money or etc.  And we also know that she's very sensitive - anything less than gushing over the item will most likely hurt her feelings.  And we are grateful.  But the lying (which is what we've done until this point) is starting to get old.  It's also wearing on our conscience - not only the lying, but the "wasting" of so much money.  (We don't have a ton of space to keep things out that aren't used often.) 

Today it was something silly - she asked for DS's shoe size.  We responded with his size and asked why.  She responded:  "I found some Spiderman slip on tennis shoes.  Yes?"  Knowing her they're probably $45, not $5.

So, like I said, it's silly and not a big deal.  But. . . DS already has some really great shoes (incl. athletic and canvas tennis shoes), his feet are hard to fit, he has no clue who Spiderman is, and since he is so entirely uninterested in characters we try to avoid them when it comes to his clothes and toys because we dont' prefer them . . . bottom line is we are grateful for her generosity and for the thought, but fact of the matter is they might not get worn before he outgrows them.

Thoughts?  (On not only today's example but into the future, since this is an on-going issue.)

And, since there's always the chance something comes off wrong (in other words, that I sound like an ungrateful snob) . . . please try to go light on the flames

dundasgirl

I would accept her gifts and thank her.  When/if she gets something that IS appropriate, make sure to really go the extra mile in explaining how that particular thing was perfect. 

If the issue is only size, ask for the receipt and tell her the reason you want to do an exchange. 

If she has already bought something and you know it is coming, I don't think you can say..."Oh, we are good for trucks. No thanks."  In a situation like today with the Spiderman shoes, I would let it go.  In my opinion, buying an extra pair of shoes is harmless.  If she has the extra money, then don't worry too much about it. 

I guess it all depends on how many gifts we are talking about here.  A gift a month?  A week?  If it was over the top and you are getting inappropriate gifts every week, then maybe you should (or DH) have a talk to her about what kinds of things your kids NEED. 

 

hopecounts

If it's something you don't know about be gracious and gush.

If you know prior to purchase try to redirect to something that would be a better fit/needed as gently as possible like this.

- oh those sound cute but he's not into spiderman yet let's save those for later on or something