Can you share how you discipline your toddler?

bride711

Hi Ladies,

Lately, it seems that LO is testing us more and more. DH and I are both consistent on the same things and use the same approach for disciplining. However, it seems at this point that when we do LO will laugh at us and it will take us taking away things that he enjoys for him to get the point. (i.e his favorite train) When we take the train or something to his liking away, he will cry and then DH or I will get down to eye level and explain why he lost it. In short we will explain to him, why it was lost and what is something of good behavior that we could do instead. For instance, if he is throwing food at dinner we will say to him you can say to mommy or daddy that you are all done and show him how he can hand the plate to us. Or if there is something he doesnt like in his plate, how he can put it aside. 

It just seems it's a struggle lately. It's just lately when we say something it's such a test.

Was wondering if you could share some approaches that you use.

LO is a little over two!

 

PrincessShay80

I just downloaded 123 Magic to my ipad last night- so far it's pretty good in terms of discipline, but im still on the first chapter.

DD throws her food too, which drives me nuts!

in my life

The form of discipline depends on what she is doing wrong. If she's at dinner and she is taking food off her plate and smooshing it into the table (her new fav thing) she gets a warning, and if she does it again, she does not get her milk (the girl looooves her milk). If she's throwing a toy at someone, she gets a warning then 2 minutes of time out. At night if she is throwing a fit about getting ready for bed, she gets a warning then no story time. It has been working for us.

I've also heard good things about 123 Magic.

CrunchyMama

fredalina:

We basically follow Positive Discipline. In the instance of throwing food, I would probably take the plate away, saying, "You must be all done, because food is for eating, not throwing." If she protests, I'll give it back the first time and give her something to play with at th table. If she repeats it, dinner's over. Positive discipline is a lot about natural consequences. The natural consequence of throwing food is not eating. Losing a train isn't a natural consequence. If she laughs, that's fine. It's not about her feeling upset or hurting her in some way, it's just about her learning, kwim? There are a lot more tools in the PD toolbox, bug I certainly have lost my cool and strayed . Welcome to the Terrible Twos.

 

AliciaBeth

fredalina:

We basically follow Positive Discipline. In the instance of throwing food, I would probably take the plate away, saying, "You must be all done, because food is for eating, not throwing." If she protests, I'll give it back the first time and give her something to play with at th table. If she repeats it, dinner's over. Positive discipline is a lot about natural consequences. The natural consequence of throwing food is not eating. Losing a train isn't a natural consequence. If she laughs, that's fine. It's not about her feeling upset or hurting her in some way, it's just about her learning, kwim? There are a lot more tools in the PD toolbox, bug I certainly have lost my cool and strayed . Welcome to the Terrible Twos.

I like that. It seems the most like what I do (even though I didn't know it had a name).  

I think you have to notice your kid doing something right and praise the heck out of it. When my husband got home from work tonight I told him that our son had been "So good today!" and I made sure that I said it so that DS could overhear me. He is big into pleasing us, so this works wonderfully!

Honestly, I ignore most tantrums. I used to pay attention to them, but they seem to be over faster (and be fewer in number) when I just don't pay attention. This is not always possible (sometimes the tantrums are too bad or he is going to hurt himself), but I try to ignore them whenever possible. 

I also will use time-out when needed, but mostly it is just a time where I leave him in his room (or wherever we are playing) and tell him he is in time-out. After two minutes I'll come back in, he says he is sorry and always wants me to hug him. 

It is important to say that even though my child has pretty good behavior most of the time, we left Petsmart today with him kicking and screaming. It was embarrassing to say the least!  

anonsouthernbell

fredalina:

We basically follow Positive Discipline. In the instance of throwing food, I would probably take the plate away, saying, "You must be all done, because food is for eating, not throwing." If she protests, I'll give it back the first time and give her something to play with at th table. If she repeats it, dinner's over. Positive discipline is a lot about natural consequences. The natural consequence of throwing food is not eating. Losing a train isn't a natural consequence. If she laughs, that's fine. It's not about her feeling upset or hurting her in some way, it's just about her learning, kwim? There are a lot more tools in the PD toolbox, bug I certainly have lost my cool and strayed . Welcome to the Terrible Twos.

 This is us too.

LoveEeyore

fredalina:

We basically follow Positive Discipline. In the instance of throwing food, I would probably take the plate away, saying, "You must be all done, because food is for eating, not throwing." If she protests, I'll give it back the first time and give her something to play with at th table. If she repeats it, dinner's over. Positive discipline is a lot about natural consequences. The natural consequence of throwing food is not eating. Losing a train isn't a natural consequence. If she laughs, that's fine. It's not about her feeling upset or hurting her in some way, it's just about her learning, kwim? There are a lot more tools in the PD toolbox, bug I certainly have lost my cool and strayed . Welcome to the Terrible Twos.

I am not too familiar with positive Discipline, but my gut reaction to your post is that you need to focus on natural consequence.  I focus on making a quick assessment on the LO's motive- to get attention, to get out of something or to annoy someone (usually a sibling).  If it's avoidance or attention I give a chance by stopping the action and providing the socially appropriate words to acheive the same goal.  If it happens again, then I remove the projectile/attention/whatever.  But I generally operate under the assumption that the toddler in them is getting in the way of pro-social behavior and try to model that and give them the opportunity to communicate nicely and then if that doesn't work, remove the attention for the behavior.

If they are are simply trying to irritate someone then I acknowledge that they are trying to "push buttions" and warn them that they will be removed if they continue and encourage the sibling to ignore.  I ALWAYS follow through with what I say and try to always handle things calmly.

regenab

1-2-3 Magic works wonders for us. 2 was a very hard age and I think it is for most kids. 3 has been better, but only because of 1-2-3 Magic. I like this approach because it stops me from engaging them when they are trying to push my buttons. My girls are very much "testers". They are always testing their boundaries. All.day.long. Now with 1-2-3 magic, I tell them what I don't want them doing, count them and if they get to 3, in their rooms they go for 3 minutes. There is no back and forth battle between them and me, which is what use to happen. Because really you cannot reason with a 2 or 3 year old. Mine have responded really well, I usually only have to get to the count of 2 and they stop and find something better to do with their time.

 

LoveEeyore

Fredalina- yes.  I agree with what you said- I think little people are innately intelligent and able to learn cause-effect and general principles  way before we give them credit.  The use of natural consequences is the only way to nurture that.  Otherwise I feel like you are simply punishing, not teaching.  Punishment is immediate but temporary.  I don't know the basis of Positive Discipline- but I imagine it is similar.  And yeah- it cracks me up the number of times I don't respond to a post simply because you took the words right off my keyboard.