Our princess angel Zoë...water broke at 21 weeks

mrsbarrier

After an uneventful doctor's visit on Wednesday 12/14, I woke up Friday 12/16 and knew something was going to go wrong. I woke with cramping and instead of calling out of work, I went anyway. At 0905, my water broke. Since I'm a RN, my co-workers rushed me to the ER. My job doesn't deliver babies anymore so I had an ambulance ride to the hospital we would deliver. Upon arrival, I had a transvaginal u/s where the *** of a doctor told us there was no fluid around our baby girl and he was "sorry". Despite what many felt was the "right" plan of action, my husband and I decided to fight for our baby as she still had a strong heartbeat and was moving. I laid on bedrest,on IV fluids, antibiotics, no food or clear liquids in Trendelenburg until Monday when I felt different. Not like I had to push, but just weird. Doctors didn't want to manually check me since I was at risk for infection so they went to get the speculum. Before they inserted it, they told us our baby girl Zo?'s foot was in my vagina. My husband and I are devastated. Zo? Renee Regina Barrier was born 12/19/2011 at 1:44pm 11inches, 14 ounces, with a strong heartbeat and we got to hold her and kiss her and tell her how much we loved her before she became our princess angel. She is my husband's first biological child. I have a 9 year old son who we had explain this all to. We are heartbroken. I feel broken. I just want the holidays to be over. I can't pretend to be so happy when we lost our daughter. I am soooooooooo sick of people telling us "you'll have another baby" She is not replaceable. 

pottermommy

I am so so sorry for the loss of your Zoe.  I hate that you have to join this board but it is a great place to come for support and anything you need. 

Again I am so sorry for your loss.

butterfly843

I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter Zoe. Sending lots of hugs your way.

ffsam31

I am so sorry and wish I could give you a hug.   Know that you are in our thoughts and prayers.  I too, gave birth, after my water broke, to our little angel, Savannah Rose at 21 weeks, and we have a 9 year old to explain it to as well (and a 5 year old, but he is 5 and didnt understand)  Our 9 year old, Brandon was devestated and cried for his sister.  We have him talking to the school counselor because I just cant talk about it to him (as horrible as that sounds) I think it would be worse.  Please know that you are not alone, and if you need to talk, you have plenty of ears here.  Hugs and prayers to you and your family.

mrsbarrier

Thank you ladies. 

I don't know how to begin to process this. We're terrified this will happen whenever and if ever we decide to try again. I swear I still feel her kicking me. I wake up everyday and pray it was a nightmare and our baby girl is still growing in my womb. She was perfect. She was beautiful. Why would God give us such a beautiful gift and then take her away?

krysiahamaty

I am so, so sorry for your loss. I am sorry you have to be here but this board has amazingly supportive women. 

Big hugs. 

dandywarhol

I'm so sorry about the loss of your little Zoe.  The only advice I can give you on how to process this is to take it one minute at a time, one hour at a time, on day at a time.  Grief is a roller coaster.  I know it doesn't feel like the grief and pain will ever go away but speaking from experience (we lost our daughter at 21w) time does dull the pain and you do find yourself at a new normal. 

We are here for you.  I hate to welcome you here under these circumstances but the women here are truly caring and supportive and have been a great help to me.  

Petunia844

I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet Zoe.  I know what you mean about feeling her kick, I swore I could feel Peyton kick after he was gone, but like the other ladies said... it does get to where you can breath again.  This board has helped me immeasurably in the last two months, I hate to welcome you here but I hope you can find some comfort amongst women who understand.

pandabearlover

I'm so so sorry. My water broke at 21 weeks too. Every once in a while, my 4 year old will ask about her brother. I breaks my heart every time. Hugs 

weddedwife

I'm so sorry you lost Zoe. I lost my son at 22 weeks when I suddenly went into labor. I know all of those feelings you are feeling right now.

lrichmond86

I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby girl.  Right after I lost baby Gary I swore I could feel him kicking, too.  I described it to my husband as feeling like an amputee... you know it's not there any more, but you can still feel it.  This board has been wonderfully supportive!  Hang in there!

roxyttandme

I am just so sorry that you lost Zoe. It is always heartbreaking. Sadly, welcome to the board!

(((hugs))) 

foxxy1

I'm so sorry for the loss of Zoe. Please take comfort that she's in a better place with all of our angels as well. This is a great board and I hate that it exists but I'm really glad it does.

Carolee

I'm so, so sorry for the loss of your sweet girl Zoe.  Welcome to the board - I hope you find comfort here.

savykay

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet little Zoe.  I wish I could give you a hug IRL.  Just like PP's have said, just take it a day at a time, it has been one year and two months since I gave birth to my son at 22w, and it does get easier.  I remember feeling those phantom kicks too, I am so, so sorry that you're going through this right now, but know that this board is wonderful, and we are all here for you whenever you need us.  ((BIg Hugs))

NicoleD54

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how hard it must've been to explain to your son. I hope you find the support you need on this board. Hugs.

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mrssoprano

I am so sorry about your loss of Zoe. I know the holidays make it hurt even more. Huge hugs to you, and I'm glad you found this board.