We don't want our baby passed around

babydee73

We are not planning a shower nor do we want anyone to have a shower for us. My husband and I make more money than most of our friends and family. We plan to buy everything we need for the baby. We don't feel right having a baby shower where people bring gifts for us when we know they are struggling to make ends meet. Then there is also the issue of a sip and see after the baby is born. We don't want a lot of different people hugging, holding, and kissing the baby spreading germs, especially when they bring their own kids to visit. I'm usually pretty straight forward with words so its hard for me to say things without sounding mean. What's a polite way of declining a baby shower or asking that visitors,other than our parents,not handle the baby?

FemShep

If someone offers a shower, simply thank them profusely for the kind thoughts but say you don't want a shower. There's no need to offer any reason. For visits, it's difficult to tell people who come by that they can't put their germy hands on your kid. You're better off declining visits from people you're not comfortable handling the baby. If someone calls and asks to come by, tell them it's not a good time (still recovering, etc) and suggest they visit in a few weeks. If they stop by without calling first, take the baby upstairs and have your partner explain that you're feeding/napping/can't be disturbed and suggest they call again in a few weeks to find a good time to stop by.

Liz4444

People are going to want to kiss and hold and touch the baby.  We didn't have a baby shower either.  What we are doing, and what I suggest to you, is waiting to do something until the baby is a little bit older and has had some vaccinations. 

rhubarb123

I've hosted two showers after the baby was born and no one held the baby except the new mom and her mother.  The babies were 2-3 weeks old.  I didn't even notice anyone asking to hold the baby.  One was hosted in the fall and the other the winter.  I think people would know you don't want a lot of people holding and kissing on your baby.  The babies at these showers were not passed around...but I have to tell you that you can't start by letting even one person hold her/him (except grandma).  If someone else wants to or asks to then you or grandma just have to tell them that she/he is still too young so they are not passing her/him around yet.  People will get the hint - hopefully.

We hosted a welcome baby party coupled with our annual BBQ.  Baby was born in April and we had our party in May so he was about a month old.  The only people that held him (or wanted to) besides grandparents was my DH's sister-in-law and brother (we only see them once a year - at the BBQ) and one other older lady who was very ill with cancer.  Course...like I said...it was May so I'm thinking most people weren't sick with the flu. 

You could always just have a meet the baby party when your LO is maybe 4 months or so old...make it more of a spring/summer event.  We aren't as OCD about those things since we've already gone through it and we attend church so the kids (including baby) go in the nursery during service time.  So far - so good - we've never had an issue with them getting sick.

mommabear17

Having a baby shower isn't a requirement to be a parent.  Nor is having a sip 'n see or meet the baby party (neither of which I have ever heard of in real life).  You can just very politely decline offers for them.

For visitors to your house, you hopefully won't get as many as you fear.  And it is simple to request that people not bring their kids.  Your baby won't have had all of their shots, so that is an easy enough request. Many people will be astute enough not to bring their kids.  Most people also won't just grab the baby out of your arms and start smothering them in kisses and hugs.  You'll also find that a lot of people would love to meet the baby but don't want to seem like an imposition so won't even ask to come over.

For visitors that you do have, insist they wash their hands before holding the baby, and/or have a bottle of hand sanitizer out in the open.  

Disneygeek77

Maybe in the spring / summer you guys can host a BBQ and introduce the baby then.

erikaplustim

Don't do a baby shower or a sip and see. Just have people visit after the birth in small spurts. They will want to hold the baby. And that is fine, just not everyone at once.

PunkyBooster

Just say you don't want a shower.

No one needs to have a "sip and see" after the baby is born. I have never heard of one of these IRL. 

You can usually control who comes to the hospital- I kept my room # private and only invited very select few to visit me. Everyone else had to wait until I was home. Some people WILL be very pushy about coming- it's your DH's job to make sure you are feeling up to having visitors. People will not be able to resist holding the baby, there is nothing wrong with keeping baby swaddled and telling people to wash their hands. 

No one will kiss your infant, I would be appalled if I ever saw that. 

I also cannot imagine people would let their children near a newborn. I tell DS "you can see the baby, no touching!" and would never let him put his hands on a newborn baby that wasn't my own (and he's vaccinated, but there seem to be a lot of kids his age who aren't).

Good luck!

 

ryry1977

I would keep the baby in a baby carrier (that you wear).  That way you or DH are holding the baby the entire time and hopefully people won't ask you to undo everything to get the baby out...I never do when I see this.  I think it is pretty clear that you don't want anyone to hold LO.

rhubarb123

Keeping the baby in a baby carrier that you wear is a great idea!  Especially if you have a picnic or BBQ when the weather warms up.  Obviously it would look odd if you were in your livingroom...but outside it would not be odd at all.

As for those that have never heard of a sip and see or meet the baby party IRL...I'm surprised.  I've gone to many since they are usually for 2nd babies and a lot of parents don't want people coming randomly to their home.  This way they all get to "meet the baby" at the same time.  If the invites get out in the mail soon after baby is born they know they will have an opportunity to see the baby and won't make a special trip to your home to meet him or her.  At least in my circle of friends, family and acquaintences.

Liz4444

I had never heard of a Meet the Baby party or a Sip and See before this board.  Well, actually I saw them have a Sip and See on The Real Housewives of Atlanta, but I thought that she made it up. 

We are going to have a baby naming, but that's a religious thing.

Ivana_Stolichnaya

Just simply turn down all offers for a shower.  If you have a sip n see, wear the baby in a carrier. 

Just because you have a new baby doesn't mean you MUST have some sort of a party.  Just have visitors come over on your own terms...no party.

MySallyGirl

You don't have to have any kind of meet the baby party or shower.  Make people wash their hands before handling the baby.  Make it clear that nobody who is sick should come over in the first month and that nobody who is sick is getting anywhere near the baby.  Have your hubbie help you police visitors.  This is what I did after the birth of DS.