If I hear "at least you have skype", one more time... — The Bump
Military Families

If I hear "at least you have skype", one more time...

UGH!!

I'm so tired of everyone saying "at least you have skype!!, back in our day we had to wait for letters by *gasp* MAIL."

OK I get it. Yes I agree with you, we are very lucky to have skype and to know the general well being of our spouse when they are not with us, but it's still HARD!!

Christmas was great and fun, but a piece of our family is missing and it still sucks!! No matter if we have skype or not. Its not the same.

I can't stand one upers and feel like I have no room to ever say this deployment sucks because "at least we have skype".

Please tell me you can relate!!

Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml

Re: If I hear "at least you have skype", one more time...

  • well I just know...some people here STILL dont have skype or on little COPS with no phones, or internet.

    So I think being thankful that you were able to see your spouse is something you should be happy about.
    Not be upset at the people who have something to say.
    if its someone "older" and they say 'at lease you  have skype' say something like "yes. technology has come a long way for the better"

    its not defensive...and its true. its not your fault they didnt have internet back then.
    If its another spouse who didnt get to speak to their husband/wife on christmas/holdiays/big days...just say something about how you're sorry that they didnt get to see their wife/husband etc..and that you hope they will soon"

    If you knew better, you'd do better.
  • Loading the player...
  • imagert4life:

    well I just know...some people here STILL dont have skype or on little COPS with no phones, or internet.

    So I think being thankful that you were able to see your spouse is something you should be happy about.
    Not be upset at the people who have something to say.
    if its someone "older" and they say 'at lease you  have skype' say something like "yes. technology has come a long way for the better"

    its not defensive...and its true. its not your fault they didnt have internet back then.
    If its another spouse who didnt get to speak to their husband/wife on christmas/holdiays/big days...just say something about how you're sorry that they didnt get to see their wife/husband etc..and that you hope they will soon"

    Oh I'm talking about older folks. I do say  how "nice it is to be able to skype and I dont know how I would do it back in the days without this technology", but its almost like people think its SO easy because can skype for 20 minutes of spotty coverage every few days.

    I would NEVER say anything to another spouse who doesnt get to see their spouse on skype or talk to them at all.  That's not what I'm referring to at all.

    My praises to those families how go weeks without hearing from their loved ones. I know we have it easy and are so bleesed to be able to communicate. I'm just saying its still hard, skype or not and skype doesnt make it all better.

     

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • Loading the player...
  • I'm with older family members for Christmas, and I've heard that a lot. Skype doesn't work for H, and I only hear from him once a week or so. I'll admit, sometimes I have a bit of fleeting jealousy for the people who get Skype. But then I'm glad people get that. I had a lot of "in my day you barely got letters" and it doesn't bother me. I mean, honestly, they're right! I am lucky. WWII/Korea vets and the spouses that went through it with them can pretty much say what they want to me. I try and focus on how lucky I am to get the one phone call and the messages I do. It really makes me so much happier than to focus on the bad. 

     

    For you, my advice is to just try and ignore what they say if it bothers you.   

    I've seen a lot of military surprise homecomings. It wouldn't work on me. I always have my back to the corner and my face to the door. Looking for terrorists, criminals, various other threats, and husbands.
  • I am so thankful I am able to skype DH (this is the first deployment where we have this luxury), but I can see where you are coming from. My aunt keeps saying.."times sure have changed since your uncle was overseas..."   

    I also get annoyed when I hear people complain about how their SO has to work late, or went away for a week for work (gasp!).  I know they aren't being malicious but it's tough, and people will not understand unless they are in your shoes. 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • imagepesci12:

    I am so thankful I am able to skype DH (this is the first deployment where we have this luxury), but I can see where you are coming from. My aunt keeps saying.."times sure have changed since your uncle was overseas..."   

    I also get annoyed when I hear people complain about how their SO has to work late, or went away for a week for work (gasp!).  I know they aren't being malicious but it's tough, and people will not understand unless they are in your shoes. 

    exactly!  my dh's family was saying how easy it is on dh because of where is stationed right now and I was like "well its still hard not being able to watch your child grow up" and they were like "well at least you have skype, in MY day we didnt have that..we just got letters" 

    OK, I get it. Life was harder, but it doesnt make dh missing  his kids any easier.

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • Yeah, sure we have skype... when it works or if their internet is working. When my hubby was gone last... skype wasn't working so well for us and half the time his internet wasn't working well either.

     If you ever have issues with skype...  gmail has something on their chat called igoogle which ended up working well for us. Just in case.

     You are not alone.... So many women I know say the same thing... well at least you have skype or this or whatever....  "No, I didn't just slap you.... I high fived your face b***h!" 

     :) 

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • Meh, even just from the beginning of the Iraq War when DH first went, to his fourth deployment last year... it was a big difference, and Skype was what made the biggest change.  Even though it didn't always work, and sometimes we only talked once every other week, and we all still missed each other, it's a HUGE difference from the first time he went and there wasn't even mail for the first few months, no phone calls at all until almost 5 months in (and then only once a week for 10 minutes for several months after that time since the entire troop shared one sat. phone), no internet access or email until 10 months in, etc. 

    No we didn't miss each other any less, but Skype made a hell of a difference in how easy it was to "see" each other, communicate, and feel connected while so far apart.  And I know it was a hell of a lot nicer for the kids to be able to see Daddy on the computer every now and then, than to go months and months with nothing but letters and sporadic short-as-hell phone calls.  ::shrugs::  

    If it's coming from someone who has actually been through military life and deployments, then it doesn't really bother me for people to say that... because they're absolutely right.  While it still sucks to be apart and miss him, modern technology makes staying connected a hell of a lot easier than previous generations of military families had it.  

  • imagepesci12:

    I am so thankful I am able to skype DH (this is the first deployment where we have this luxury), but I can see where you are coming from. My aunt keeps saying.."times sure have changed since your uncle was overseas..."   

    I also get annoyed when I hear people complain about how their SO has to work late, or went away for a week for work (gasp!).  I know they aren't being malicious but it's tough, and people will not understand unless they are in your shoes. 

    Completely agree with the whining about the SO having to go away for a week for work.  A few of my non-military friends want to complain that their DHs have to go on business trips for a few days or a week.  That's when I want to say "ummm... I'd be ecstatic if I just had a week until I saw DH.  I have 5 months until that happens! Suck it up!"

     So there's this boy. He kinda stole my heart. He calls me "Mom"

    Lilypie Fifth Birthday tickers

    Voted "Mom of the Year" 2012 Sweetpea Mom Awards

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

     

  • I can see where the OP is coming from.

    I think that any time you have a deployed spouse it stings to have people seemingly belittling or putting down your experience because of xyz factors.

    For example, a lot of my friend's have husbands that fly P-3s.  They deploy very differently than my DH who is carrier-based aviation.  They can Skype, have cell phones, and can even fly out and visit their spouses on deployment.  While I consider those factors very nice and lucky, I would never throw that in their faces and tell them to suck it up and appreciate their "luxuries".  It is rude.  And it isn't supportive.  Most of them know they are lucky to have those things.  But they miss their DHs... simple as that. 

    I put this into the same category of military wives having pissing matches about 12 month vs. 6 month vs. 4 month vs. 16 month deployments.  Or saying anything "under xyz" doens't count as a deployment.  It doesn't matter.  We all miss our husbands.

    When former military spouses start going down that road with me I just smile, nod, and stay quiet.  In my mind I think a lot of things but I just don't say them.  Remember, we all have our hardships.  THe deployment tempo right now is MUCH harder than it was for the vast majority of military families of former days.  Even the ones that fought in WWII and Vietnam probably didn't see the amount of time the average guy has seen between 2002 and now.

    Keep your chin up.  Deployment sucks.  Skype or no skype.

    Married 6/28/03

    Kate ~ 7/3/09 *** Connor ~ 11/11/10

    4 miscarriages: 2007, 2009, 2013, 2014

    *~*~*~*~*

    No more TTC for us. We are done, and at peace, as a family of 4.

    "Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but – I hope – into a better shape.” — Charles Dickens

     

  • imagesweetpea2003:

    When former military spouses start going down that road with me I just smile, nod, and stay quiet.  In my mind I think a lot of things but I just don't say them.  Remember, we all have our hardships.  THe deployment tempo right now is MUCH harder than it was for the vast majority of military families of former days.  Even the ones that fought in WWII and Vietnam probably didn't see the amount of time the average guy has seen between 2002 and now.

    The military is a smaller percentage of the American population now, sure the burden is on less people. But to insinuate that current service members have it rougher than the vets of WWII or Vietnam is just crazy.

    Also, and the quoted poster didn't say this, but anyone getting angry at their friends missing their husbands when they're only gone a week is a sucky friend. WE MARRIED SERVICE MEMBERS. It's part of the deal. Your friends are allowed to miss their husbands. They signed up for every day. We signed up for the days we could get.

    I promise that being melodramatic and angry at people just makes a deployment longer and more difficult. My H's deployment is flying by, and that's with limited communication and him in a dangerous MOS. I just let everything roll off my shoulders. One of my kid cousins said on Christmas Eve that guys in my H's MOS are most likely to get shot with a specific weapon. He didn't phrase it like that, he didn't know what my H's MOS is. So I laughed and said, "that's interesting, my H feels like they've got that issue well in hand." So much easier than being upset.  

     

    I've seen a lot of military surprise homecomings. It wouldn't work on me. I always have my back to the corner and my face to the door. Looking for terrorists, criminals, various other threats, and husbands.
  • imageWishIcouldbeinthe'stan:
    imagesweetpea2003:

    When former military spouses start going down that road with me I just smile, nod, and stay quiet.  In my mind I think a lot of things but I just don't say them.  Remember, we all have our hardships.  THe deployment tempo right now is MUCH harder than it was for the vast majority of military families of former days.  Even the ones that fought in WWII and Vietnam probably didn't see the amount of time the average guy has seen between 2002 and now.

    The military is a smaller percentage of the American population now, sure the burden is on less people. But to insinuate that current service members have it rougher than the vets of WWII or Vietnam is just crazy.

    **sigh** I knew someone would take my comment the wrong way and run with it.  I am not insinuating ANYTHING like that.

    My point is, when older generations try to belittle our experiences, I try to remember that they don't understand our experience any more than we can understand theirs.  They might think that Skype "cures all", but they never did 4+ 12 month deployments in 10 years.  The up-tempo of this LONG war is different than anything that went on back then.

    All four of my grandparents served in WWII.  ONe of my grandfathers served in WWII, Korea, and Vietnam.  He knows service.  He is also completely appalled at the up-tempo in teh military right now.  It is EXHAUSTING.  Skype/email does not erase YEARS away from family.  That is my only point.

    One example...  General McChrystal (retired 4 star general) was recenty interviewed.  In his intro they said that in his 35+ year career he deployed 4 times.  These days people easily do that many deployments in 10 years. 

    I am not saying that nobody in the 1900s deployed a ton.  I'm sure some did.  Just that generally speaking, we are experiening longer and more frequent deployments than the military of old.  And that Skype adn email does not make fix it. 

    Married 6/28/03

    Kate ~ 7/3/09 *** Connor ~ 11/11/10

    4 miscarriages: 2007, 2009, 2013, 2014

    *~*~*~*~*

    No more TTC for us. We are done, and at peace, as a family of 4.

    "Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but – I hope – into a better shape.” — Charles Dickens

     

  • imageWishIcouldbeinthe'stan:
    imagesweetpea2003:

    When former military spouses start going down that road with me I just smile, nod, and stay quiet.  In my mind I think a lot of things but I just don't say them.  Remember, we all have our hardships.  THe deployment tempo right now is MUCH harder than it was for the vast majority of military families of former days.  Even the ones that fought in WWII and Vietnam probably didn't see the amount of time the average guy has seen between 2002 and now.

    Also, and the quoted poster didn't say this, but anyone getting angry at their friends missing their husbands when they're only gone a week is a sucky friend. WE MARRIED SERVICE MEMBERS. It's part of the deal. Your friends are allowed to miss their husbands. They signed up for every day. We signed up for the days we could get.

    Wow. I don't say anything to my friend when she complains.  Her husband has a job where he occassionally travels for work conferences but I guess she knew that when she married him so she should she shouldn't complain, right?

    I was active duty for 9 years (dual mil for 6 of DH and I's married years)  I understand how the military works and think it's pretty normal to wish DH was only away for a week rather than several months.

     

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • imagesweetpea2003:
    imageWishIcouldbeinthe'stan:
    imagesweetpea2003:

    When former military spouses start going down that road with me I just smile, nod, and stay quiet.  In my mind I think a lot of things but I just don't say them.  Remember, we all have our hardships.  THe deployment tempo right now is MUCH harder than it was for the vast majority of military families of former days.  Even the ones that fought in WWII and Vietnam probably didn't see the amount of time the average guy has seen between 2002 and now.

    The military is a smaller percentage of the American population now, sure the burden is on less people. But to insinuate that current service members have it rougher than the vets of WWII or Vietnam is just crazy.

    **sigh** I knew someone would take my comment the wrong way and run with it.  I am not insinuating ANYTHING like that.

    My point is, when older generations try to belittle our experiences, I try to remember that they don't understand our experience any more than we can understand theirs.  They might think that Skype "cures all", but they never did 4+ 12 month deployments in 10 years.  The up-tempo of this LONG war is different than anything that went on back then.

    All four of my grandparents served in WWII.  ONe of my grandfathers served in WWII, Korea, and Vietnam.  He knows service.  He is also completely appalled at the up-tempo in teh military right now.  It is EXHAUSTING.  Skype/email does not erase YEARS away from family.  That is my only point.

    One example...  General McChrystal (retired 4 star general) was recenty interviewed.  In his intro they said that in his 35+ year career he deployed 4 times.  These days people easily do that many deployments in 10 years. 

    I am not saying that nobody in the 1900s deployed a ton.  I'm sure some did.  Just that generally speaking, we are experiening longer and more frequent deployments than the military of old.  And that Skype adn email does not make fix it. 

    Sigh right back at you. It's so melodramatic to say older generations are belittling us. Really? My grandmother has a comment about absolutely everything. Old people just say things to say something. I highly doubt grandparents and the like are really trying to play sanctimonious games with us.

     

    And to the other poster, I'm glad you don't say anything to your friend, but your other post wasn't all calmly wanting your H to only be gone a week (which I wouldn't. What kind of mission could H accomplish in a week? Nothing in his MOS that advances American Grand Strategy). It was real annoyance at your friend having the audacity to miss her H. I don't get begrudging your friends the positives in their relationships. 

    I've seen a lot of military surprise homecomings. It wouldn't work on me. I always have my back to the corner and my face to the door. Looking for terrorists, criminals, various other threats, and husbands.
  • Oh dear, I know this is hard!!! I can't relate a lot because my husband hasn't ever deployed yet, we are new to the military life. But seeing your husband on skype & having him actually home with the family are two totally different things. & yes skype is great & I think we are all thankful for it but the real deal, well it is the real deal!!! Of course it's so much better!!!! I think everyone is just trying to make you feel better so give them that. You are aloud to vent on here though :) We all need to complain a little bit don't we??? Praying your husband gets home soon!!!
    Brooke(22) & Eric(22) TTC after loss 2/14/11
  • imagesweetpea2003:
    imageWishIcouldbeinthe'stan:
    imagesweetpea2003:

    When former military spouses start going down that road with me I just smile, nod, and stay quiet.  In my mind I think a lot of things but I just don't say them.  Remember, we all have our hardships.  THe deployment tempo right now is MUCH harder than it was for the vast majority of military families of former days.  Even the ones that fought in WWII and Vietnam probably didn't see the amount of time the average guy has seen between 2002 and now.

    The military is a smaller percentage of the American population now, sure the burden is on less people. But to insinuate that current service members have it rougher than the vets of WWII or Vietnam is just crazy.

    **sigh** I knew someone would take my comment the wrong way and run with it.  I am not insinuating ANYTHING like that.

    My point is, when older generations try to belittle our experiences, I try to remember that they don't understand our experience any more than we can understand theirs.  They might think that Skype "cures all", but they never did 4+ 12 month deployments in 10 years.  The up-tempo of this LONG war is different than anything that went on back then.

    Do YOU (not what your grandfather may or may not have told you) know anything about WWII (both theaters!), Korea or Vietnam?  Take the best known company of the European Theater - Easy Company.  Did you know that the men that started with the 101st Airborne STAYED with them until VE Day OR they were injured - and even then, if they were not severely injured, they went to England for recovery only to be sent BACK to the front lines.

    Guess how long that was?  Without a 30 day mid-tour.

    All four of my grandparents served in WWII.  ONe of my grandfathers served in WWII, Korea, and Vietnam.  He knows service.  He is also completely appalled at the up-tempo in teh military right now.  It is EXHAUSTING.  Skype/email does not erase YEARS away from family.  That is my only point.

    But its a damn better thing than not hearing from your loved ones for months on end.  The Marine Corps Raiders that landed on Taluvi (sp?) did not GET mail for MONTHS.  That means that they did not SEND OUT mail for MONTHS. 

    So yeah, having e-mail and skype IS better than watching the news reels about the various campaigns/battles, knowing that your husband/son/brother is out there somewhere and not knowing how he is unless he got injured or died.

    One example...  General McChrystal (retired 4 star general) was recenty interviewed.  In his intro they said that in his 35+ year career he deployed 4 times.  These days people easily do that many deployments in 10 years. 

    I am not saying that nobody in the 1900s deployed a ton.  I'm sure some did.  Just that generally speaking, we are experiening longer and more frequent deployments than the military of old.  And that Skype adn email does not make fix it. 

    I am NOT taking away from the horrors of the battle experiences our servicemembers (my own DH included) have experienced in this war. 

    But let us be totally honest here, what our servicemembers are experiencing on their deployments is NOTHING like what the men and women did in WWII, Korea and Vietnam.  Do some research as to what the fighting was like back then.  Ask a survivor of Guadalcanal or Bastone.  What they may not have had in "frequency of deployments" is made up in what they DID during their "deployments".

    I do believe that having been deployed for YEARS on end, fighting in the type of campaigns that they did and for the families who lived through these times, have a bit of understanding to what our current servicemembers and families are going through.

    To think that they dont is just as belittling as you claim they are being.  And to be honest with you, is worse on your part.  Because they are not saying these things to make themselves feel better, but to try to make YOU feel better.

    And if you cannot take that comment of good will for its face value, then the sad part is on YOU.

     

    file:///Users/Ilumine/Desktop/Family%20Portrait%20for%20gift.jpg
  • Sweetpea, you have a PM. 
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • I know exactly the feeling.  My husband and I are BOTH in the military so we barely get to see each other.  In the past year we've been physically together for about a month and a half, and I hate it when people bring up Skype, as if that makes things easier. 

     I agree that Skype is great thing to have (when it works), but sometimes it just doesn't help, and sometimes it annoys me when co-workers (who go home to their wives everyday) say "Well, you guys can always Skype!"  It just isn't the same and there is no substitute for the real thing.

This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards