It?s impossible for me to use mere words to describe my experience today, but I want to give it a shot because it must be shared.
If you read my blog, especially my last few entries, then you know that I am one broken individual. I don?t mean broken in regards to my health or even in regards to my heart, although those things are certainly true. What I?m referring to is the complete and utter despair that can only come from the relentless and constant battering to a person?s soul. To the inner core that resides deep inside them; the thing that makes them a human being.
Last Wednesday, I found myself sitting in an Emergency Room gazing at my sweet, baby girl as she lay there helplessly while wracking coughs shook her body. It was at that moment when I realized that I had officially lost all hope that there would ever be any purpose to our lives other than suffering. For the last four years it?s all we?ve done.
You all know our story. The rape and sexual abuse of an innocent child. The loss of a husband, a father, our life savings, our home, and our dignity. The constant struggle with the legal system just to keep my children safe. The humiliations of having the local community scrutinize every detail of our personal lives. The degradation of going on welfare and public assistance. The list goes on and on. It?s been a constant and brutal assault, and sitting in that hospital room last week was the final straw. I was completely broken in every sense of the word.
This afternoon I returned home from rocking my final job interview for the ?dream job? (I?ll save that story for another day) feeling cautiously optimistic. You see, I had lost all ability to hope. I knew that if I dared to hope for something so good only to be let down again, that there?s no way I could survive it. Not this time. It?s just better not to even hope at all.
Then I checked the mail and found a package from an address I didn?t recognize. It contained a beautiful holiday card and written inside were the most touching and poignant words I?ve ever read as well as a very generous check that will allow me to finally get the only thing my heart desires; my children?s names changed. Your unimaginable generosity will finally allow us to close the book on this difficult time in our lives. Yes, we?re a family no matter what, but now we can move on with our lives, united by the same last name. A name that isn?t a constant reminder of the sorrow and heartache that we have suffered.
For that I say, thank you, thank you, a million times thank you! Although this gift will allow me to take care of all the legal fees as well as give my kids a fantastic Christmas, the money itself isn?t the greatest gift you?ve given us. You have bestowed upon me the ability to hope once again, and with it, a reason to live. For that, I have no words, only a feeling of complete peace and understanding that things WILL be okay. I can feel it in every fiber of my being. I can feel it in my soul.
A heartfelt thank you to each and every person who helped make this possible. You will never truly understand the difference you have made today. You will always hold a special place in the hearts of me, Miss A & Baby Boy O.
Re: An extremely long Nestie Clause thank you.
Alex (11/14/06) and Nate (5/25/10)
"Want what you have, do what you can, be who you are." - Rev. Forrest Church
I was not part of this, but knew it was coming to you. I'm glad it restored your hope.
I'm sorry your family has endured so much pain. I can only hope that fabulous things are coming to you. I truly believe that good things happen to prepare us for the bad, and on the other side of that, bad things happen because good things are to come.
You are a fabulous mom and an inspiration to total strangers. Do not give up. Do not give up hope or faith. You will get through this and will and already have become a stronger person because of it. It's not fair it had to happen the way it did, but you are who you are now because of it. You may not think you are anything special, but you help children have a voice who otherwise would not.
Your children are absolutely lucky to have you and I feel I am a better person for "knowing" you and your story. I don't know that I could handle things the way you have. Really. Your kids have the best supporter behind them.
You deserve more than anyone can give you. As I said, Don't give up. Keep digging in and when you feel you have nothing left, we're here.
(((HUGS)))
Gosh, I think there are tears in my cookie icing.
Hope is such a little word, but such a big *thing.* I pray you never lose hope again.
I've said it before...these ladies here are amazing. Ah-mazing. As are you. It's easy for my to say "keep your chin up," as I have no clue what it is like to be in your shoes...but I hope you can keep plugging along.
Hugs and thoughts and prayers and all that. And an extra little prayer for this job opportunity.
I am so happy that you are receiving this. You are most deserving.
(((Hugs)))
Merry Christmas to you and I am glad that this made your day!
-Tina
You are so deserving of this. Not just the money, but the restoration of hope, the positivity and feeling loved, which you are.
Merry Christmas!
What a beautiful gift you received and what an even more gracious and heart warming thank you.
Blessing to you, your family, and all the nesties that made this possible.
That is so wonderful! Great job, ladies!!!! (I wasn't a part of it.)
Hope to hear good things about your dream job.
You are an amazing mom. I am so sorry for all you've suffered and seen your children go through. I know there are kids out there going through the same things without a wonderful caring parent loving them and comforting them. Stay strong.
Us nesties, we stick together, okay? You have touched our hearts, and we just wanted to be able to help you end 2011---which to say has been difficult is an understatement--- on a more positive note.
I wasn't part of this but like the pp have said you are most deserving and an amazing mother. You may not feel strong but your story proves other wise. To survive what you and your family have been through is a testimony to so many others. I'm bawling right now because I read your posts about wanting so badly to change your Kids names. What an amazing group of ladies we have on this board! I wish I was in a better place to where I could help out with nestie clause. Over the years I have seen it bless many but this is the most touching gift I have witnessed.
I hope you and your beautiful children have a blessed and merry christmas!
Landon * Kaydance * Kennedy
5/13/05 ******5/24/06
* Baby is due July 24 2012 *
***tears***
You are an amazing mom and woman. Your fight for your children is an inspiration to all of us.
You take my ovaries, I take your yarns.
I somehow missed out on the Nestie Claus organization, but wish I could have been part of it.
May 2012 be the beginning of your new life with your kids. (hugs)
DS - December 2006
DD - December 2008
I wasn't a part of this, but I am so happy it happened to you! You are an amazingly strong mama and you deserve all the hope in the world - good things WILL come your way! I wish you the happiest of holidays and a very bright New Year!
(well done Nestie Clauses )
this and so much more. I tried a few times to write a response and nothing sounded right. This sums it up. Don't give up and lots of (((((HUGS)))))
I could not have said this better. Merry Christmas girl!!
Your story has touched so many people, including myself. I'm just glad that we could take some of the burden off your shoulders and give you the hope and love you deserve.
Merry Christmas to you and your family!
Was looking for the right words and came in and saw Camrude's post. Those are the right words! DITTO!
(((HUGS)))
Here's a new amazing year for you and your kids!
I don't really say this lightly - if you know me, you know that my world pretty much begins and ends with the two rotten things in my signature, but - to me, reading this (and the other posts yesterday) are almost better than seeing their little faces on Christmas morning (which is one of my favorite things) because being given the opportunity to help give someone some hope back, or some magic is pretty amazing. Not much really compares if I'm being honest.
I hope that the job interview, name change, and Christmas is the start of a wonderful new beginning for you and your kids. You all deserve it, and truly, you are an inspiration to all of us.
I didn't take part, but I am overcome with emotion reading about Nestie Claus.
To you and your children, I wish you the merriest of Christmases, the happiest of new years, and hope.
Exactly this. Merry Christmas, hun! Joy