TTC#2 - WWSAIFD? long.. sorry

KiKiGee

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I?m having major anxiety about when to/whether to TTC #2.

Here?s the quick background:

• Me: 36, DH: 38, DS 9.5mo via IVF w/ICSI #1
• DX: MFI BUT RE only retrieved 7 eggs and resulting in 3 blasts  -2 transferred (DS & lost twin at 10 wks) 1 frozen ? and he doesn?t think we can get more, likely less as I?m older.
• I am still BFing and have not gotten PP AF yet

RE suggested doing the FET with our frostie in Jan and if it doesn?t work moving right to a fresh cycle. BUT I worry it?s too soon?. So he suggested if we wanted to wait until summer (I was thinking July) that we should go ahead and do retrieval (or two back-to-back if we only get 3 or 4 eggs) in Jan and freeze after fert (which we did in IVF 1 as part of a study).

I feel stuck.  WWSAIFD??

I feel like I?m robbing DS of his babyhood by trying again so soon, and 2u2! OMG! I don?t know if I could do it.  But I?m old? I?m not getting younger, my eggs aren?t getting BETTER and RE said that with DH?s blood work he has seen others just STOP producing sperm? so there?s that fun possibility down the road, too!

So the safe bet would be to do the retrieval now and FETs when I feel more ?ready? right?

BUT - It?s expensive.  We are all OOP.  Sure, we can ?afford? it, we have the money in savings, it wouldn?t clean us out or put us in an precarious spot, but cutting a $13k+ check is hard ? especially when/if our one frostie would work.  Which makes me just want to try the FET.  BUT again, 2u2?! And poor DS I don?t want to cheat him of love/attention etc (not saying anyone else is cheating their kids, this is just my anxiety and insecurity about not being very ?maternal? at heart)

I?m jealous of everyone who has a ?vision? for what their complete family would be.  I guess I can?t see life for DS without a sibling, but I also find being one and done appealing.   I love DS more than anything in the world but I don?t really have faith that I?m the ?best? mom?

WWSAIF do?  Transfer the frostie now?  Just do a retrieval and start transfers late summer when I feel more ?ready?? or take my chances and not do a darn thing until late summer?

KiKiGee

OK, that looks ridiculous.

It wouldn't let me delete and start over, so here's what it says in (I hope)  a more readable format:

I?m having major anxiety about when to/whether to TTC #2.

Here?s the quick background:

• Me: 36, DH: 38, DS 9.5mo via IVF w/ICSI #1
• DX: MFI BUT RE only retrieved 7 eggs and resulting in 3 blasts  -2 transferred (DS & lost twin at 10 wks) 1 frozen ? and he doesn?t think we can get more, likely less as I?m older.
• I am still BFing and have not gotten PP AF yet

RE suggested doing the FET with our frostie in Jan and if it doesn?t work moving right to a fresh cycle. BUT I worry it?s too soon?. So he suggested if we wanted to wait until summer (I was thinking July) that we should go ahead and do retrieval (or two back-to-back if we only get 3 or 4 eggs) in Jan and freeze after fert (which we did in IVF 1 as part of a study).

I feel stuck.  WWSAIFD??

I feel like I?m robbing DS of his babyhood by trying again so soon, and 2u2! OMG! I don?t know if I could do it.  But I?m old? I?m not getting younger, my eggs aren?t getting BETTER and RE said that with DH?s blood work he has seen others just STOP producing sperm? so there?s that fun possibility down the road, too!

So the safe bet would be to do the retrieval now and FETs when I feel more ?ready? right?

BUT - It?s expensive.  We are all OOP.  Sure, we can ?afford? it, we have the money in savings, it wouldn?t clean us out or put us in an precarious spot, but cutting a $13k+ check is hard ? especially when/if our one frostie would work.  Which makes me just want to try the FET.  BUT again, 2u2?! And poor DS I don?t want to cheat him of love/attention etc (not saying anyone else is cheating their kids, this is just my anxiety and insecurity about not being very ?maternal? at heart)

I?m jealous of everyone who has a ?vision? for what their complete family would be.  I guess I can?t see life for DS without a sibling, but I also find being one and done appealing.   I love DS more than anything in the world but I don?t really have faith that I?m the ?best? mom?

WWSAIF do?  Transfer the frostie now?  Just do a retrieval and start transfers late summer when I feel more ?ready?? or take my chances and not do a darn thing until late summer?

 

kthappy76

My two cents, FWIW...

if you are having doubts, I would give yourself and DS some more time. You say you haven't weaned him yet or gotten AF, so it would tough to cycle in a few wks. Your frostie is frozen in time, and could be your next LO. I'd give it a chance when you are ready. In the meantime, you can save up for a fresh cycle, if you need it. I know it is hard to think about waiting when you are AMA, but rushing before you are ready will not do you any favors and a few months is not going to make that much difference. Best of luck.

MonkeysGirl05

Well, that is a lot to consider. Do you have a plan on when you'd like to stop BFing? You should probably be done BFing a couple of months before you try/do any treatments again (at least that is what my RE recommends). It sounds like you could be at peace with having one, so even if the risk of things not working goes up if you wait, it isn't like your dream of having 4 kids will be missed, YKWIM? If it were me, I'd waid until DS was at least one AND I was done BFing for a couple of months, then I'd try the FET with my frozen embie. If that didn't work, then I'd talk about a fresh cycle. Also, I don't think it would hurt to get a second opinion. I'm 36 also, so my thoughts on getting PG w/#2 were similar (except our sperm issues are very mild; my eggs do tend to be on the sucky side tho). Anyway, a different doc may suggest a different protocol or offer a different opinion regarding your options.  Good luck!

Dragonfly1226

There are a lot of factors to consider. I don't think that you should TTC#2 until you really feel ready to have #2. But at the same time, if I knew that there was the very real possibility that things may be going downhill then I would want to get started sooner rather than later. If it was me, I would use the frozen embryo first before putting myself through more fresh cycles. But again, that's just me. There is no wrong decision, just the decision that is right for you and your family. Good luck!!!

Mouseygail

Dragonfly1226:

There are a lot of factors to consider. I don't think that you should TTC#2 until you really feel ready to have #2. But at the same time, if I knew that there was the very real possibility that things may be going downhill then I would want to get started sooner rather than later. If it was me, I would use the frozen embryo first before putting myself through more fresh cycles. But again, that's just me. There is no wrong decision, just the decision that is right for you and your family. Good luck!!!

  no help, but I agree with this...  and while we are in a different boat with diff dx than you, I regret not "trying" on our own sooner (we didn't prevent, but weren't charting/opk/etc).  it felt like we had so much time...i had fears about 2u2...but in a blink of an eye, here we are, trying again,  and I'm already getting all wrapped up in the whatifs...every month that goes by makes me feel like they are going to be so far apart in age, etc. 

I guess that long ramble about my feelings (sorry..) leads me to say "give yourself a little more time"  think about what your BFing goals are, take into account the 2 month window that most RE's seem to like (although it sounds like yours isn't too strict about it?) and see where you are in a few months.  Things change quickly!

KiKiGee

Thanks ladies.  

I think the chances of me doing the FET in Jan are slim...I'm not ready.

Youre all right about not doing the transfer until we are ready.

 I guess my real dilemma is whether or not to do an ER and freeze now (RE says BFing through it shouldn't be an issue) or to just wait until summer and the FET.  

its almost like a $13,000 safety net.