Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

It has been a LONG time since I've been on here ....

I've kind of been avoiding this site for a while. Even with the encouragement from your lovely ladies...it was getting too overwhelming for me to have to be constantly reminded of the miscarriage. I thought some time away would do good. So I'm back....still not fully myself yet but getting there. I had a question for you ladies....has the miscarriage put a strain on your relationship with your partner/spouse? Or has it brought you closer together?

 At first it did bring me and the hubs closer together but there is still a lot of hurt on my end. You know how men are...they deal with things differently. He wants to move on and start trying again but I can't seem to bring myself to be excited about trying to conceive again. I feel horrible for feeling this way but I just want to be mentally ready to start trying instead of rushing in to things. I got back on birth control in the mean time and my hubby was kind of disappointed about that. Just wondering how you bumpies are dealing with the loss still and when you are going to start trying again.

Re: It has been a LONG time since I've been on here ....

  • I completely understand what you mean.  While I have leaned on this site for support and to know I am not alone, it was become overwhelming and actually kind of negative for me to be reading about loss and trying to conceive after a loss over and over.  So while I still come on from time to time, I am trying to take an active step back.

    Overall, I believe it has brought us closer and will bring us closer but that is not to say that it hasn't been difficult.  When the m/c first occured, DH was great at being by myside and comforting me and telling me everything will be ok.  But men can't understand what we women go through, so he has moved on quicker and it's difficult for him to understand why I can't just let it go.  This has been tough because I feel like I am alone in my feelings and I sense that he is not completely understanding of where I am coming from so I hold back on talking to him about some of these things.  As far as TTC, I think he is ready to try again and while I really want to try again I want to make sure I am mentally able to seperate the pregnancies.  I don't want to just try again just to replace something that I have lost...if that makes any sense.

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  • I am sorry for your loss.

    Our loss was almost a year ago. I had an extremely tough time with the loss. My H was my rock for the first month or so. After that it felt as if he had moved on so easily while I still found myself falling apart. I felt as if I had failed in every way possible. I failed to carry my baby and having a missed miscarriage, I felt like I had even failed to do that right. I became angry and resented my H because he moved on so quick and I felt like our baby deserved our grief.

    It seemed as if everyone around me was starring at me, like..get over it already. But I just couldn't. I decided to do "The Love Dare" and therapy. I am not a Christian but I found the tools in the book to be very helpful at getting me back to my marriage emotionally. We are closer then ever after being miles apart. We talk about the baby often and I know that when the time is right we will try again.

    As for trying again...I think once the joy of another baby out weighs the heart break of this one is when you should try again. My cousin had 2 losses in a row and then became pregnant with their 3rd (she is now 29wks). She has told me that at times she doesn't even feel attached to the baby because she is not over their 2nd loss (at 14wks).

     

    I wish you the best and do consider therapy if you are feeling a rift in the marriage. It is very easy to take your hurt and pain out on your H and he probably feels like trying again would make you happy. That if you were pregnant you wouldn't feel so sad. They just can't understand the connect of baby and mommy. I'll be thinking of you. 

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