Ugh... husband isn't thinking!
So my husband gets 6 weeks off with our baby. Some of it is paid and some of it isn't. The first 14 days he has to cover with his own time and after that he will get 70 % for 4 weeks (but he can supplement with time to make it 100%) but he is taking time off left and right lately and I cringe every time he does because I don't think he realizes how much time he needs to have on the books in approximately 5 months when this baby comes. For instance, he realized he is in the schedule book to have Dec. 12 and 13 off (my birthday is the 13th) but he is down to 19 hours vacation time on the books. I tried to gently suggest that he only take one day off but now he's talking about taking both of those days off and calling off on the 14th (his days off fall on the 15th and 16th so he will have a 5 day weekend essentially) and he only has like 40 hours of sick time on the books.
He thinks the time he earns each month will make up the difference, but I disagree. He gets 8 hours of vacation a month (so in theory that's about 40 hours IF I go to 40 weeks... but I went at 37 last time) and about 7 hours of sick. He can work over time and convert some of that into vacation instead of getting paid for it, but he needs to start working overtime like YESTERDAY.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying the man shouldn't be able to take time off, but when you have to cover approximately 120 hours in order to get 100% pay for 6 weeks off I'm thinking maybe this time should be getting banked since he will be getting 6 weeks off in a few months anyhow. We're a single income family and we make it by on his checks just fine but we need him to be making 100% and not the 70% for that last month off.
How do I approach this subject without starting a huge fight?? I'm really worried we won't have the time to cover the 80 hours for the 1st 2 weeks much less the time to make his full pay for the other 4 weeks (granted he can go in and work so many hours each week and make the 100 but I know I'm going to have to push him to do that because he wants the whole 6 weeks home... and I want him home but I also want to be able to still keep up with all the bills too)
He's not lazy by any means, but I think it's just not registering to him fully that we have a baby coming and that he maybe needs to take that into consideration before exhausting his leave supplies if he wants to be able to take any leave at all with us.
DD1- 12/26/05 DD2- 4/12/12
Re: Ugh... husband isn't thinking!
I think I'd be aggravated with MH if he were around the house for 6 whole weeks.
Anyhow, It seems that if you just approach him calmly with your thoughts about the time he's going to take when the LO gets here, you should be able to avoid a big blow out. MH responds very well to direct questions that aren't said in a judgey way (sometimes that's very hard when he's being dumb). Just ask him what his plans are and basically what he's doing to make them happen. I do think it would be OK for you to voice your concerns in a non-argumentative way.
it is 6 weeks of paternity leave. We worked the same job until I left and became a SAHM, but it's the exact same policy that would have applied to me. He gets it off and he can't get out of the first 14 days being unpaid... if he tried to work for those 2 weeks then he would only get 4 weeks of leave total as it is 6 weeks from the date of birth.
I'm just trying to figure out how to get it through to him to save his time now so he has it to cover later.
ETA: quote fail.. this is in response to CT
DD1- 12/26/05 DD2- 4/12/12
6 weeks with my husband wouldn't aggravate me at all. Plus I would like the help with my other daughter especially when it comes to her getting picked up from school (they don't bus) We're both looking forward to the leave because we don't get much time together between his job and both of us being in school full time (ETA yes I know we will be busy with a baby but still...).
I do usually try to approach him in a non argumentative way, but I've tried that a couple times already and I think I'm just going to have to sit him down and show him the figures and how if he keeps using time now he won't be able to take the leave at all.
DD1- 12/26/05 DD2- 4/12/12
haha so true...
DD1- 12/26/05 DD2- 4/12/12
Yeeeah, I really hate generalizing about the sexes, but I can't say this doesn't sound incredibly familiar. I think men are conditioned to think they'll be handed things or that everything's just going to turn out okay. It can make it difficult to plan as a team. I'm having the same issues with my husband when it comes to creating a household budget. He just got laid off and while I have some significant student loans that will keep us afloat for awhile (I'm both working and going to school), I certainly don't want to be using that as our long term income! While he's genuinely concerned about the situation, it's very hard for me to get him to sit down and crunch the numbers with me to see the real urgency here and to figure out what costs to cut. The optimism is nice and all, but okay, in reality, it is freaking me out.
So yeah, I hear you... what works the best for me in these situations is to set aside a very specific time to sit down together and go over everything. Even if I'm not being a nag about it DH tends to moan and groan a little so I try and frame it in a way that helps him feel he's doing me a favor (which he is, in a sense). And I'll also try to find a way to make the project sound like it will have an exciting outcome, that it's not just a chance to look at doomsday. I'll say something like, "So I was thinking we could set aside such-and-such time on such-and-such day for you to help me look at a budget I'm creating. I want to make sure we're in a comfortable space when the baby is born. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to pay for child care and still be able to take some family vacations?"
Don't know if this is helpful at all, but I do know where you're coming from. Again, I hate to generalize, but I find that women do tend to be better with details when it comes to planning...
WOW! i'm right there with you! i have the exact problem with husband.. i'm finally told him the other day, "look everytime we sit down and talk about money and what we are going to do to get a handle on it, i think we agree, but then you turn around and do the same things- you dont make a change at all! and then you wonder why i get mad? you act like this comes completely out of nowhere!" i am literally to the point that there are no more luxeries that i can give up.. even my favorite condition thats $10 a bottle, and my favorite Atkins shakes that i always used to drink for breakfast.. and he's still blowing money on Red Bulls, candy and Lotto tickets.. stupid stuff! i dont get it.
sigh. men... what are yah gonna do? cant live them em, cant kill em. haha jk! i do love my husband, he's just an idiot sometimes. hahaha
With DS, DH was able to take 2 wks off. We were both sad he couldn't be home longer with me & DS. It's a lot of bonding time that goes on in the first few weeks & it's nice when the father can be there for the bonding too. Don't get me wrong, DH & DS are best bud's now, but it doesn't mean DH didn't want to be there in the beginning, esp since I ended up being the one DS wanted the most in the beginning.
To OP: It's a hard conver. My DH is very stubborn/hard-headed. He didn't even start working on the nursery until a month before I was due! That was with me saying to him for months prior that we should start on it (I said he didn't because he wouldn't let me in the nursery with the paint & wouldn't let me touch the furniture, lol!). Sometimes visuals help though. Try drawing out a calendar for him & use diff colors to show diff things (yellow = time he needs off, blue is vacation time he will have if he uses no more time, green is sick time he will have if he uses no more. Maybe if he can see it, he'll grasp that "Hey, I'm taking too much time & won't have enough left"