Working Moms
Lurker with a question
I usually post on the 1st Tri board, but come here to read what you all are writing because I will be joining your ranks at some point.
But today one of my employees quit because he is going to be a stay-at-home dad. We just had our first u/s today, so maybe I'm a bit emotional, but hearing about Mr. stay-at-home sent me on a bit of a roller coaster.
The DH makes less than half what I do, so if anyone's staying home - it's him. I was all gung-ho about being a working mom, and have done my research on pumps, etc.
Now I'm starting to ache a bit inside. Did any of you feel like this during your pregnancies? What did you do to kick those feelings when the time came to return?
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Re: Lurker with a question
I imagined my entire life that I'd be a stay at home mom. My DH and I make the same and the entire time I was pregnant I dreamed up scenario's where I'd get to stay home. There are two sides to this. Monetarily, once I had them I realized I was unwilling to compromise on enough things to make it monetarily feasible (didn't want to cut my savings, dinners out, vacations, cable, cell phone, etc). Then I got to the emotional side. I couldn't imagine leaving my itty bitty teeny tiny babies (they were about 7# at 12 weeks). But once I had a childcare provider that I actually trusted, it was so much easier to leave them.
Now, I don't think you could pay me to be a stay at home mom. Not saying it's easy by any means to leave them and I can't wait at the end of the day to see them, but I value my career and my sanity enough to know staying at home isn't for me.
I agree with the above PP. I thought all my life I'd be a SAHM but then my DH lost his job and recession happened and well... back to work I went.
Now, I realize how amazing it was that I was able to provide for my family and I didn't strain our financial situation or my marriage. I've now morphed into a very happy, confident and satisfied WM.
My advice to you is to live in the moment. Enjoy every moment of your pregnancy and your maternity leave and don't over think it. The grass will always be greener on the other side and you'll miss amazing moments that are happening NOW obsessing about greener pastures.
For all you know, that SAHD might be back in the work force in less than a year.
I did the exact same thing. Always thought I wanted to be a SAHM then found out I didnt!
Honestly, you might find after having the baby, that those feelings don't go away. I would love to stay at home. I'm a teacher, so I have more days off than most people and the days I stay home all day doing laundry and cleaning up toys are the best days ever. I think I have it in me to spend all day singing toddler songs and changing diapers. If we didn't absolutely have to have my paycheck, I'd be playing pat-a-cake on my living floor all day long. That's not to say I don't like my job or enjoy spending time away from home too though. It's quite possible since I don't really see another adult all day that I have a skewed view of "work" though...it's not like my job gets me away from children.
I never thought I would want to be a SAHM and was really into my career. My friends warned me my feelings might change after I had a LO and I scoffed at them saying no way! Boy was I wrong. I started wanting to be a SAHM when I was pregnant, but I tried to ignore it and talk myself into wanting to be a WM. When DS arrived, holy smokes, there was no way I was going back to work and my DH was shocked (and kind of mad at me) about how much I wanted to SAH. Our budget and lifestyle really couldn't afford for me to SAH, it would too tight for comfort and we would have had to stop saving for retirement, etc. So after I calmed down, pushed all the emotions aside, I (reluctantly) returned to work FT after my maternity leave. I had to- it was the financially responsible thing to do.
Do I still want to be a SAHM? Yes, I do. But I don't dwell or wallow about how I can't be one right now. When I realized- there is nothing I can do about it right now so stop feeling sorry for yourself- that is when being a WM became "easier".
DH and I have discussed me SAH in length and have a plan in place for me to eventually SAH. I feel guilty for wanting to be a SAHM, but I'm lucky that DH does support this decision. However, I don't feel guilty for working at all. I have to do what I have to do so I don't give it a second thought.
Welcome to the board!
Like you, I am the breadwinner out of the two parents -- but neither of us make all that much so staying home is not an option. We don't live together either, so it wasn't ever even an option; as soon as I found out I was pregnant I just started researching daycares and formulating a maternity leave/reentry/pumping plan with my supervisor.
Three weeks into my maternity leave I was SO bored and stir-crazy; I couldn't wait to drop her off at daycare ha. Working is sooooo nice... it's like an 8 hour break. It felt nearly criminal when I came back and could do things like make a pot of coffee two-handed, or compose an entire email without getting interrupted by fuss fuss cry.
Don't get me wrong; I love my daughter and we have all sorts of fun going for walks & hikes, playing games, reading books, baby swim classes -- all of which is so rewarding and fulfilling -- but I find value in having a meaningful career, interacting with adults, and having a life outside the home. Plus I think when she's older it will set a good example for her if she sees me going to a job I enjoy, demonstrating good work ethic, professionalism, setting & acheiving goals, etc.
Thank you so much for your comments. I know we're making a financially responsible decision, and that jealousy will get me no where.
I think being a WM will settle in - I'll just keep lurking on your board here...
Exactly my thoughts. Staying at home isn't for everyone--I couldn't WAIT to go back, and I thought that I'd want to stay at home once we could afford it. Now I don't think you could pay me to be a stay at home mom. I remember those first trimester times--it could be hormone-driven emotion (what isn't, at that point?). See how you feel during your maternity leave, and then discuss your feelings and the monetary situation with your husband when it comes time to go back. Don't put the cart before the horse, as they say. Good luck to you and your family!
I also lurk...
I'm not even pregnant yet but I keep having this overwhelming feeling that I want to be a SAHM when the time comes. Or a part-time employee rather than full-time. It's been on my mind a LOT over the past few months and I don't even have the hormones raging inside me!
Years ago I used to think I wanted to be all career all the time... I didn't even want kids. Now I REALLY want kids and I want to be there for them until they are school aged. Clearly I don't need to think or worry about this much yet, but it's still on my mind.