Baby Shower Hosting Dilemma

WelcomeBabyLanclos

So I have a bit of a dilemma, my mom and my mother in law both want to host my baby shower since I didn't really have any friends offer to throw me one. Now, my mom and MIL are of two different worlds and well...don't click. I want both to be involved and be able to help each other out where needed to plan but my mom insists that it just be our family doing the planning. She was offended that my MIL wanted to help since I am her only daughter and this is my first baby. So I told my MIL that we are having it at my aunt's house instead and she can be a silent helper, my mom still doesn't want her help, how can I tell her to just leave the planning to my family and she can just come to the party? I am so confused on what to do.

cmhicklin

They can either do two different ones, or you can tell your mom to be the bigger person.  I think it is rude to tell someone they can be the silent helper and your mom gets all the credit. 

cschissell

cmhicklin:

They can either do two different ones, or you can tell your mom to be the bigger person.  I think it is rude to tell someone they can be the silent helper and your mom gets all the credit. 

Agreed.  If your mom doesn't want help and can't be the bigger person then just have your MIL host a shower for your DH's side of the family and have your mom's shower just be for your side.  Choose 1 to invite friends to. 

Disneygeek77

Alright, I think your mom is in the wrong here  and acting childish.  Your MIL has just as much right to host a shower for you as she does.  Think about it, if you have a boy wouldn't your feelings be hurt if you were told to stand back when you had your grandchild.  Your choices here are

1. have two seperate showers for each side of the family

2. Be a grown up and tell your mom that MIL will be helping with the shower... end of discussion.  If she gets upset, well that is on her and a reflection of her poor character. 

EastCoastBride

I agree w/ the others- perhaps suggest to MIIL that she host a shower for her side of the family.

However, if you really want ONE shower, you need to give your mom a reality check.  This is JUST as important to your MIL as it is her - this is your MIL's grandchild too.

Also, you married into their family - it's important to YOU that your mom be gracious and welcoming to your MIL because she is YOUR family.

And quite honestly, I'd be pretty damn tempted to say that if she continues to have this attitude, I'd rather not have a shower at all....

klaus

Have two showers.

Disneygeek77

Oh and that whole silent helper remark is ridiculous.  It makes me think that your mom is doing it for attention and not simply because she wants YOU to have a nice shower.

acheever14

stw_77:

Oh and that whole silent helper remark is ridiculous.  It makes me think that your mom is doing it for attention and not simply because she wants YOU to have a nice shower.

AGREED! Your mom is being very selfish and needs to suck it up and let your MIL help!

MelleTX

discobelle:

You told your mother in law she could be a "silent helper"??  How insulted was she?

THIS!

That's like telling her to do some work and pay some money but she can't be an official hostess.  I agree with PPs that your mom is being childish and it sounds like this is more for her than you. 

HappyToBe2012

If possible, I would say two seperate showers.

ashunt279

Do two showers.  That's what I had to do.  My SIL wanted to throw one and when I told my mom she got all offended and said she wanted to throw one.  So I told her she could just do it on a different day. That way both sides get to throw a shower.  Is it selfish of me to want two showers?  I won't be inviting the same people to both.

rhubarb123

Have two showers as long as you don't invite the same people to both.  I agree with the others...your LO is just as important to your MIL as it is to your Mother.  I also agree that the "silent partner" comment was rude and you need to make apologies asap regarding that.  Obviously you didn't think that through before you said it.  If it is impossible for you to have 2 showers then your mom needs to get off her high-horse and accept MIL as a partner (and not silent).  That is just ridiculous. 

Jazzyashes84

yikes this is why i told them to have separate ones. my mother-in-law wanted to invite all these ppl to my BRIDAL shower and the guest list was a big issue so i wasn't going there again

boydstm

I agree with PP that they should look into doing 2 different ones if your mom can't quit being so selfish. Your MIL is prob just as excited as your mom about the baby and who in their right mind refuses help on an undertaking as large as a baby shower?? I would ask MIL if maybe she would like to throw one for their side and let your mom do her own thing.

shootingstars00

Have two showers.

WelcomeBabyLanclos

Well turns out I am having two showers, one in Louisiana with my husbands family and one in TX but I want my MIL to be involved with it all. I didn't exactly tell her to be a silent helper, she brought it up and I agreed. So I told my mom that my MIL can be a silent helper. My MIL wants to help with both and to tell you the truth I dont mind getting help. We will see how it turns out. My mom said she'd call her when it gets close to the time and see what ideas she has. I think she was having a very emotional day and then was making me emotional....heck I dont know, I just wont worry about it.