"Trying Again"

Petunia844

Whenever anyone asks me about or talks to me about "trying again" I cringe at that phrase.  Does it bother anyone else?  "Trying again" insinuates that you failed the first time, so now you have to try again.  I did not fail, I had a beautiful son, the most beautiful boy I've ever laid my eyes on, he was amazing, and my husband and I conceived him and I gave birth to him. He was not a failed attempt at pregnancy... I may never understand why he was chosen to leave before he got to shine outside my womb, but he did shine and he changed my life forever, so don't you dare insinuate that he was a failed attempt at anything.  If you had a child and were going to get pregnant again people would say "are you trying for another baby" well that's what I will be doing as well.  I haven't actually corrected anyone, I guess I figure they'll think I'm nuts... but I'd love to know I'm not the only one who's toes curl when they hear that phrase.

magdalina.h

eh. I see what you're saying, but I have people ask if we're going to try again soon since Lucas is 9 months old.

hewinked

No one ever asked me that after we lost Adam.  I made my feelings pretty clear when I was pregnant with him that I was done with kids.  I think everyone figured I still thought that when he was gone.  Yeah, not so much.  I was more worried that when I got pregnant this time that people would judge me for getting pregnant so quickly. 

However, I did have a random stranger tell me that I could have more after we got in a discussion of me losing Adam.  As if he is replaceable, and you just don't say that to someone.  You never know what kind of struggle someone had in their TTC journey. 

johnnys june

I totally understand where you're coming from, but I think it's just a "natural way" for people to wonder.  I don't think they mean to belittle or overlook your son in any way.  *hugs*  It's something different for everyone.  Sometimes, I think we should just be honest and when people ask the questions like that, tell them exactly what you think.  That's just me though. 

scorch

addegeorge:

Whenever anyone asks me about or talks to me about "trying again" I cringe at that phrase.  Does it bother anyone else?  "Trying again" insinuates that you failed the first time, so now you have to try again.  I did not fail, I had a beautiful son, the most beautiful boy I've ever laid my eyes on, he was amazing, and my husband and I conceived him and I gave birth to him. He was not a failed attempt at pregnancy... I may never understand why he was chosen to leave before he got to shine outside my womb, but he did shine and he changed my life forever, so don't you dare insinuate that he was a failed attempt at anything.  If you had a child and were going to get pregnant again people would say "are you trying for another baby" well that's what I will be doing as well.  I haven't actually corrected anyone, I guess I figure they'll think I'm nuts... but I'd love to know I'm not the only one who's toes curl when they hear that phrase.

I thint the timing of the question would make me cringe, not the question itself.  People ask me all the time if we will try again after having living babies and it doesnt bother me.  The wound of losing a baby is still so fresh that I can totally understand how it makes your toes curl.

Auki13

scorch:

addegeorge:

Whenever anyone asks me about or talks to me about "trying again" I cringe at that phrase.  Does it bother anyone else?  "Trying again" insinuates that you failed the first time, so now you have to try again.  I did not fail, I had a beautiful son, the most beautiful boy I've ever laid my eyes on, he was amazing, and my husband and I conceived him and I gave birth to him. He was not a failed attempt at pregnancy... I may never understand why he was chosen to leave before he got to shine outside my womb, but he did shine and he changed my life forever, so don't you dare insinuate that he was a failed attempt at anything.  If you had a child and were going to get pregnant again people would say "are you trying for another baby" well that's what I will be doing as well.  I haven't actually corrected anyone, I guess I figure they'll think I'm nuts... but I'd love to know I'm not the only one who's toes curl when they hear that phrase.

I thint the timing of the question would make me cringe, not the question itself.  People ask me all the time if we will try again after having living babies and it doesnt bother me.  The wound of losing a baby is still so fresh that I can totally understand how it makes your toes curl.

I agree with this. I was asked about "trying again" after all my kids living or gone... I think it's just the way people ask if you are going to have another baby.  I am sorry the phrase bothers you and I do see your point when you explain it.  (((HUGS))) 

Petunia844

Yea... I know nobody means anything by it, it's hard not be super sensitive... that's why I never said anything.  Ugh I wish things like this weren't so upsetting to me, just another example of how much everything has changed for me, I never would've thought anything of that question had I not lost Peyton.

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starrkitten89

(((hugs)))

I've actually been lucky.People have asked if we want to have more children,but no one has ever phrased it in a way that made it seem that they thought we failed or that Adria was replaceable.Which is good,because that would upset me as well.

caitriona87

hewinked:

However, I did have a random stranger tell me that I could have more after we got in a discussion of me losing Adam.  As if he is replaceable, and you just don't say that to someone.  You never know what kind of struggle someone had in their TTC journey. 

 

We got tons of this, I think because we are quite young. Almost with a shrug, like "ah, well, there's plenty more where that came from." Sweet. Thanks. 

I also know there are *NO* guarantees, not just from my experience but my mom's...she had a perfect pregnancy with my sister, then sixteen years of m/c's and a stillbirth before I came. So...just because it was easy once does not mean it will be easy again. 

weddedwife

Yeah, I get what you're saying. It's kind of a yucky phrase.